Chapter 2: Spreadsheet Shadows

2:30 for morning, class prefect Timi send new message:

[After we check, class committee see say the class fund don finish. Each person gats add ₦1,030. Just make am ₦1,000, committee go pay the balance.]

I just dey look the message, dey reason am.

As I dey look the ceiling, the hostel bulb dey flicker, casting shadow for wall as I dey scroll the endless Excel rows. My mind dey do mathematics. "So after all the dues, after all the promises, na to pay extra again?"

Yesterday, Timi still dey swear say each of us go collect ₦1,660 refund from the class fund.

E pain me. I even tell Morayo, "Ah, this refund go help me o! Maybe I go use am flex small." Na so dream dey scatter for Naija.

I even dey plan say I go use the refund go chop all-you-can-eat suya at that new spot by Palm Grove.

That suya with extra yaji and onions—my mouth dey water just dey think am. That Palm Grove suya dey sweet no be small. E dey pepper well, with onions and yaji. I don dey dream how I go wash am down with cold malt, flex like person wey win bet.

Now, not only refund no dey, na another ₦1,000 dem dey ask us to pay?

Na so e dey be for this country. You dey expect alert, dem go debit you. My suya dream just dry up like River Niger for dry season.

I begin scroll group chat history.

As Timi drop the message, the group chat just blow—over 99 new messages.

Phone almost burn for my hand. You know say wahala don land when group chat pass 99+ messages for 2:30am. My battery even dey shake.

E sure say he dey reason say if e round down the money, people go happy.

But na wahala full the group:

[Timi, the class next door refund pass ₦2,000 per person. Why you dey ask us to pay more?]

[We dey expect small change from class fund o. Abeg, no collect more money, Timi.]

[Timi, abeg check am well. E get as e be.]

Some people drop voice notes, others dey type with annoyance—"O boy, wetin concern us with committee wahala? We need our refund!"

Timi sef know say dem go accuse am of chopping money, so he sharply post Excel sheet wey get every single class fund expense—135 items full ground.

E even add small preamble: "Abeg, make una see am for yourself. Transparency dey here." E go dey think say na this one go solve the case, but e just add petrol to fire.

I open the spreadsheet, my eye just wide.

Omo! 135 items. Wetin una dey spend money on? Na festival una run? I dey scroll dey count—one, two... then my name jump out for number one. My chest do gbim.

First line: Ifedike transport expenses, class fund reimburse, ₦5,000.

But me, I never ask for any transport reimbursement o!

This one na setup. Who put my name for this kind list? I dey reason say maybe na mistake, or na cruise. But for this school, cruise dey turn to real wahala quick quick.

Everybody know—if your name enter class fund expense sheet, na wahala. Dem go talk say you chop money.

As group people dey see the sheet, dem dey form investigative panel, ready to drag anybody wey e fit drag. If your name enter expense, you dey on your own.

With eyes wide like torchlight, I drop that old man with glasses meme—everybody sabi am, the one wey dey squint like say e dey find network. Maybe small laugh go calm everybody, but the fire still dey burn.

As I dey bed, wahala just land for my head from nowhere.

Who wan set me up like this?

I dey imagine say maybe one small pikin dey play with Timi phone, press enter anyhow. Or maybe na those people wey no like me for class. But as e be, na me dem dey drag.