Chapter 5: Secrets in the Stairwell

...

I liked Zach too, just like every girl with her first crush.

He was the kind of guy who made you believe in fairy tales. I used to doodle his name in the margins of my notebooks, hearts and all.

Since I could remember, Zach was always the brightest among my friends—grades, looks, family, everything.

He was the golden boy, the one everyone looked up to. I was just lucky to be his friend.

Almost every girl I knew had confessed to him.

It became a running joke—who would be next? I always laughed along, pretending I didn’t care.

The most unforgettable time was when a girl in our group confessed to Zach in front of everyone. Zach, annoyed, slouched on the couch and threw an arm around my shoulders.

He made it look casual, but I could feel the tension in his arm. I tried not to read too much into it.

“All of you are after me for something, huh? Looks like only our Savannah really sees me as a buddy.”

He winked at me, and I forced a laugh. Inside, I was dying.

I sipped my juice and looked down, guilty. Actually… I was the one with the most hidden feelings, just too scared to say anything.

I stirred my straw around the ice, wishing I could disappear. I wanted to tell him the truth, but I couldn’t risk losing him.

Seeing that girl’s disappointed face made me feel even worse. A failed confession meant losing even the right to stay friends.

I watched her walk away, shoulders slumped. I promised myself I’d never put Zach in that position. Better to keep my secret than ruin what we had.

...

A round of applause pulled me back—the speech was over.

People stood, clapping and cheering. I wiped my sweaty palms on my skirt, nerves jangling.

Zach walked over. “After all that talking, I’m starving.”

He grinned, and I felt my heart skip. Some things never change.

We went to the cafeteria. While we ate, people kept staring. I hated being watched like that. Even when clearing my tray, I felt eyes on me.

I tried to focus on my food, but it was impossible. I felt like an animal in a zoo enclosure.

Leaving, I muttered, “So many people like you, it’s like you’re the main attraction at the zoo.”

I thought I was quiet, but Zach heard me. He suddenly asked, “What about you, Savannah? Do you like me?”

He caught me off guard. I nearly dropped my tray. His eyes were serious, searching.

I looked up, stunned, meeting his smiling eyes. His gaze was so direct I wondered if I was dreaming. Could it be… he liked me too?

My cheeks burned. I wanted to say yes, but the words stuck in my throat.

In that daze, I forgot I was going down the steps. My foot slipped, and I tumbled forward.

It happened so fast—a flash of panic, the world tilting. My arms flailed, and I braced for impact.

The steps were long. If Zach hadn’t grabbed me, I’d have ended up in the ER eating Jell-O.

He caught me just in time, his arms strong around my waist. I landed hard, but not as hard as I could have. My pride was more bruised than my ankle.

Luckily, I just scraped my ankle and got a mild sprain.

The nurse fussed over me, wrapping my foot in a thick bandage. Zach hovered nearby, looking guilty.

The school nurse slathered ointment on, and it stung so bad I started crying.

I bit my lip, trying to hold it in, but the tears came anyway. Zach handed me a tissue, his hand warm against mine.

Afterward, the nurse told us to stay for observation. Zach sat by the bed, flipping through my recent test scores.

He read them out loud, teasing me about my handwriting. I rolled my eyes, but I couldn’t help smiling.

“Your grades have gotten a lot better. Got a college in mind? I also heard you like someone?”

He looked up, eyebrow raised. I froze, caught off guard.

Zach had seen the message board.

Of course he had. Nothing stayed secret for long at our school.

I shook my head, embarrassed. “No, they’re just making stuff up. As for college, I haven’t decided yet…”

I stared at my hands, wishing I could melt into the floor.

Zach closed my test papers, smiling faintly. “Then come to my school. I can wait for you, Savannah.”

He said it so casually, but my heart leapt. Did he mean it? Or was he just being nice?

Those words made my mind go blank.

I sat there, stunned, replaying them over and over. I didn’t know what to say.

While he stepped out to take a call, I finally came back to earth. What did Zach mean by that? If I thought I’d misheard before, I couldn’t have this time.

I pressed my fingers to my lips, trying to calm my racing heart.

Just then, a nervous girl’s voice came from the nurse’s office door.

It was Alexis, her voice trembling. I tensed, not sure what to expect.

“Nurse, Lucas Ellery’s got a bad headache, can you check on him?”

I peeked through the curtain, catching a glimpse of Lucas hunched over on the cot.

It was Alexis Brooks, followed by Lucas’s voice. “No need, I’ll just rest for a bit.”

He sounded tired, like he hadn’t slept in days. Alexis hovered, wringing her hands.

Alexis sounded like she was about to cry. “How can you say that?”

Her voice cracked, and I felt a pang of sympathy. Maybe she really did care, in her own way.

There was some shuffling, probably the nurse checking on Lucas. While the nurse got some medicine, Alexis’s shy voice drifted through the curtain.

I held my breath, straining to hear.

“Lucas, did you turn me down because you like Savannah?”

The air went still. I gripped the bedsheet, pretending to be invisible.

I squeezed my eyes shut, praying he wouldn’t say yes.

After a moment, Lucas’s hoarse voice came from next door.

He sounded tired, defeated. My chest tightened.

He said, “No.”

One word, flat and final. I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding.

Alexis giggled happily. “That’s a relief.”

Her laughter rang out, light and bright. I felt a strange mix of relief and disappointment.

Right then, a bitter taste filled my mouth. Even I didn’t know why.

I turned my face to the wall, wishing I could disappear. Why did it hurt so much?

My ankle got infected, and I spiked a fever the next morning. Zach was the one who took me to ask for sick leave.

He showed up at my house with a thermos of soup and a stack of movies. I tried to act tough, but I was grateful.

I waited in the stairwell, head spinning, for him to take me home.

The world felt hazy, like I was walking through a dream. I leaned against the wall, trying to stay upright.

Not long after the bell rang, Lucas walked out of the classroom at the other end of the hall, holding a math competition sign-up sheet.

He looked tired, but determined. I watched him, wondering what was going on in his head.

I stared at the white bandage on my ankle.

It stood out against my skin, a reminder of how clumsy I could be. I tugged at the edge, wishing I could peel away all my mistakes.

Suddenly, a tall shadow fell over me. Lucas’s clear, calm voice sounded overhead.

He stood a few steps away, expression unreadable. "Finals are coming up. Want me to come by after school and tutor you?"

His offer surprised me. I hesitated, unsure what to say.

I looked up, voice hoarse. “No, thanks.”

I forced a smile, hoping he couldn’t see how much I wanted to say yes.

Just then, Zach came out of the main office with my leave slip. He helped me limp forward, passing by the person standing behind me.

I leaned on his arm, grateful for the support. As we walked away, I glanced back at Lucas, but he’d already turned and left.

I thought, maybe with this second chance, Lucas and I wouldn’t cross paths again. Hopefully, he’d remember what I told him before.

Maybe we could both move on, start fresh. I hoped he’d find happiness, even if it wasn’t with me.

After the new semester started, the teacher let us pick our seats based on final grades.

The classroom buzzed with excitement. Everyone wanted the best spots—by the window, near the door, close to their friends. I waited, heart pounding, as names were called.

Lucas went first. He headed straight to his usual spot: middle row, right by the window.

He slid into his seat, pulling out a battered notebook. I watched him for a moment, then turned away.

When it was my turn, I chose the third row, far right by the window. I could see the cherry trees in the yard. When they bloomed in late March, they’d be gorgeous.

I pictured the petals drifting on the breeze, covering the ground in pink. It was my favorite view in the whole school.

...

After that, I never went out of my way to talk to Lucas again. All I heard was that at the awards ceremony, he won another prize in the math competition. This year’s automatic college spot was his for sure. But even after getting the prize, he still took the SATs, giving the guaranteed spot to another student. He probably wanted to go to the same college as Alexis Brooks. I admired him for that, even if it hurt.

I admired him for that, even if it hurt. He was always thinking of others, even when he didn’t have to.

But none of that had anything to do with me anymore.

I focused on my own life, my own dreams. For the first time in years, I felt free.

The day finals ended was the first time I felt truly alive again. The bell rang, and the wind of freedom hit me as I walked out of the exam room.

I threw my backpack in the air, laughing with my friends. The whole school felt lighter, like we’d all been holding our breath for months.

I saw girls running to hug their boyfriends, faces glowing with happiness. I realized—I’d never even dated before marrying Lucas Ellery.

I watched them, a little envious. I wondered what it would be like to have someone waiting for me at the gate, arms open wide.

“Savannah, over here!” Zach waved from across the parking lot, calling me over to my family.

He grinned, waving both arms like a maniac. I couldn’t help but laugh.

Suddenly, I remembered—the two days before finals, my best friend had gotten into astrology. She said:

She’d cornered me in the hallway, shoving her phone in my face. "Savannah, this month’s lucky for love. Your odds of a successful confession are, like, 80%!"

Was fate giving me a nudge to make up for all my regrets?

Maybe the universe was finally on my side. I decided to take the hint.

I had to be brave and give it a shot, no matter what happened.

I took a deep breath, steeling myself. This was it—the moment I’d been waiting for.

As it turned out, after finals, my friend Shelby and I went wild for a few days before I remembered to confess.

We hit every diner in town, stayed up late watching movies, and danced around my room in our pajamas. For a little while, I forgot about everything else.

It was Zach who messaged me first.

His text popped up just as I was about to fall asleep. My heart leapt.

“Want to hang out tonight?”

I grinned, typing back a quick reply.

“No, I’ve got our high school reunion tonight.”

He sent back a sad face emoji. I laughed, shaking my head.

“Text me when it’s over, I’ll pick you up.”

I hesitated, then typed, "Okay." My hands shook as I hit send.

That night, the summer air felt restless. I put on makeup and wore a black cocktail dress I’d just bought with Shelby—a style I’d never tried before.

The dress hugged my curves in all the right places. Shelby whistled when she saw me, spinning me around in front of the mirror. "You look like a movie star," she said, grinning.

When I arrived at the private room, the party was already in full swing. I found a corner to sit in.

The music was loud, the air thick with laughter and perfume. I sipped my drink, scanning the room for familiar faces.

Shelby squeezed over, laughing and bumping my shoulder. “Oh my god, I knew you’d look amazing in this dress. Usually, in your uniform, you’re all good-girl, but who knew you had a figure like this? Forget the guy you’re about to confess to—even I’m falling for you. You haven’t told me—is he from our class?”

She waggled her eyebrows, making me laugh. I shoved her playfully, cheeks burning.

She was getting more and more hyped, and a bunch of classmates started looking over.

I ducked my head, wishing I could disappear. The last thing I needed was everyone guessing who I liked.

“Keep it down,” I whispered, clapping a hand over her mouth and making a ‘shh’ gesture.

She giggled, eyes wide, and mimed zipping her lips. I shot her a grateful look.

Flustered, my eyes darted around—and landed on Lucas, sitting alone in the corner.

He looked out of place, hunched over his drink, eyes distant. I wondered why he’d even bothered to show up.

Didn’t he always skip these reunions?

He hated crowds, hated small talk. I made a mental note to check on him later.

Inappropriately, I remembered our last fight after marriage. Lucas had mocked, “You don’t even dare to confess. How could you ever get a boyfriend?”

The memory stung. I wondered if he still thought of me as a coward.

I’d never told anyone I liked Zach—not even Zach himself. But how did Lucas know?

It didn’t make sense. Had I been that obvious? Or was Lucas just that perceptive?

Before I could figure it out, Shelby kept pestering me about which class he was in. I grabbed a glass of sangria and took a small sip.

The wine was sweet, the alcohol burning a little on the way down. I felt braver already.

“He’s not from our school.”

I tried to sound mysterious, but my voice wobbled. Shelby pouted, but let it go.

Halfway through the party, I’d had three glasses—just enough for courage, not enough to get drunk.

The room spun a little, but I was still in control. I checked my phone, counting down the minutes until I could leave.

When someone shouted about going out for burgers, I checked the time. It was late. I said goodbye to the host and left the room.

I slipped out quietly, hoping no one would notice. The hallway was cooler, quieter. I took a deep breath, steadying myself.

Just as I was about to text Zach, a hand pulled me into the stairwell.

I stumbled, startled. The door clicked shut behind me. My heart raced.

It was Lucas.

He stood in the shadows, eyes dark and unreadable. I swallowed, suddenly nervous.

He wasn’t a bad guy, so I relaxed. He smelled like whiskey, and his mood was off.

The scent clung to him, sharp and familiar. I wondered how much he’d had to drink.

“Lucas, are you mad?” I asked. Who’d pissed him off?

He didn’t answer right away. He just stared at me, jaw tight.

Lucas suddenly leaned in, sneering, “Are you asking the 19-year-old Lucas, or the 27-year-old Lucas?”

His words hung in the air, heavy and electric. I froze, caught between past and present, not sure which version of him I was facing. For a moment, it felt like anything could happen in that stairwell—the past folding in on itself, the future waiting just beyond the door.