Chapter 5: Hotel Blues

For hotel,

I stand for mirror, clean blood from forehead.

Fluorescent light dey flicker, shadow for cracked sink. My hand dey shake as I dab wound with tissue.

Wound big—one plaster no fit cover am.

I try patch am with tissue and tape from reception, but blood dey soak through.

But e don late, I no fit commot buy bandage.

Outside, hawkers dey shout gala, La Casera, okada men dey shout for passenger. I no wan make anybody see me like this tonight.

Normally, sleep dey run from me.

But tonight, maybe because of pain, sleep far from me.

The pillow stank of bleach. I just lay there, mind spinning, sleep far from me.

I no remember why dem send me abroad first time.

All I remember, since small, na my sister dey sharp, dey better pass me.

Anywhere she enter, she dey shine.

People love her quick. Aunties dey give her extra meat, uncles dey praise her result. Neighbour go stop us for road, dey ask for autograph.

So my parents put all hope for her.

Sister start child model early, later, beauty and brain make her celebrity.

Dem frame her magazine cover, put for every corner. Mama even write talk show, call Chisom "our family golden egg."

Me, except say I fine like her, I no get anything.

Always "Chisom little sister," as if I no get name.

So I understand why parents prefer her.

I no vex say dem give her all opportunity.

But na why dem send me abroad?

Memory scatter, pieces miss. I dey search answer for ceiling crack, na question I find.

I remember swallow plenty pill, suffer treatment for abroad. Mama dey tell me for phone say e go make me sharp.

She go talk, "Endure, Kamsi. When you come back, e go better."

But after I come back, my head worse.

Apart from sleep, I slow.

As if something inside me break, never heal.

Na because treatment fail, dem bring me back?

Because I dull pass before, dem like me less?

Question dey echo as I dey float between sleep and wake, wait for morning.