Chapter 1: Love Letter Katakata

Na so teacher just catch my love letter—wahala land for my head sharp sharp. As punishment, she call my mama and papa come school, say make my mama read the letter for everybody to hear.

For that moment, everywhere just freeze. Even the ceiling fan for class wey dey make noise just calm down, as if e wan hear how the whole gbege go play. My chest dey beat like talking drum, sweat dey drip for my back. Shame just pin me for chair, my body dey shake like generator wey no get fuel.

The air smell of chalk and dust, with faint scent of akara wey dem fry for school gate.

I feel like breeze dey blow inside my bones, my leg dey tremble, and every time I try look up, I just dey see my classmates face dey shine with curiosity and small small laughter. Some dey look me like market gist, others dey cover mouth make laugh no escape. Na wah for this kind wahala.

Because the girl wey I love pass anything—

—na the class teacher herself. If ground fit open, I for dive enter. Who dey crush on teacher for Naija?

My heart dey hammer for chest like say masquerade dey drum for festival. Na my own teacher I dey crush on? Chai, if dem talk say wahala be like water, today na heavy rain for me.

I wan stop everything by force, but my papa just stand beside me, face red with shame, hand dey press my shoulder make I no move. My papa dey squeeze my shoulder gently, but I sabi say if I try run, na thunder slap go land for my back. The whole compound for our street fit hear how shame dey carry my family today. I just freeze.

My mama dey for the front, body just dey tremble with embarrassment. Her face don pale, like say she wan vanish. She dey squeeze her wrapper for hand, eye just dey look ground, she no wan even meet anybody eye. I hear her breath dey catch inside chest, and for that moment, I wan make ground swallow me join her.

The class teacher look us with cold eye, "Final year na big deal o! But see as some people dey carry love for head—who sabi wetin dey worry dem?"

Her voice dry like harmattan breeze, she push her glasses up, tie her wrapper tighter, and eye everybody for class one by one. That time, even the stubborn boys for back respect themselves. My spirit just dey leave my body, dey float somewhere.

She pick my love letter, raise am, "I find this one during morning assembly when I dey check your desk. Now, make your mama read am well, with feeling. 'Dear who?' Who be your 'dear'?"

She wave the letter like say na juju. Some people for class dey hide laugh, but nobody fit talk, na only eye dem dey use communicate. The tension for the room fit cut bread.

She give the letter to my mama.

My mama, confused, collect the letter and beg small voice, "Aunty, abeg, the pikin get dignity too. We fit settle am for back?" She just dey beg like market woman wey dem catch with small change. Her hand dey shake as she hold the letter, voice low like breeze wey wan disappear.

"Early love na wetin this school no go ever gree. If I no use this one take warn others, how I go fit control this class?" Her words hard like ogbono soup wey dem forget to put oil. She dey use my head set example, I just dey wish make school bell ring make everybody scatter.

"My son just write love letter—he no even give person. He dey plan wait till after WAEC." My mama dey defend me with small voice, she dey try save my dignity but the matter don pass her power. Some of my friends dey look me, dey pity me, but dem no fit talk.

"E no suppose even dey think that kind thing. If una no wan read am today, carry am go house, make e stay for one week reflect." Her word strong, she dey set example, I fit hear people for back dey murmur, dem dey fear say their own secret go burst soon.

My mama keep quiet sharp sharp. She nod, hold her wrapper tight, accept her fate. Na shame just dey do parade for her face.

My papa come talk: "Aunty, abeg, we go read am. If he miss one week for final year, who know wetin e go lose." My papa voice deep, e no get choice. He dey protect my future even as his own pride dey shake. I feel the pain for his words, like say na arrow prick am for heart.

The class teacher nod. "Okay. Read am make everybody hear. Who be the 'dear'? Who he dey write to?" She dey insist, she want make example, her face hard. Everybody eye dey on my mama hand as she open the folded paper, fear dey my chest like cold water.

No choice, my mama open the letter. The paper dey shake for her hand, sweat stain the edge. Her voice crack as she start: "I still dey remember your gentle look, your hair dey fall for your shoulder as sun dey set, small lavender scent just dey follow you. I no know why you dey wear glasses now, hair pack for ponytail, always dey act cold for everybody."

My classmates dey fix eye on me, some dey bite biro, others dey whisper under breath. I see one of my guys dey try hide laughter, but even him sabi say this one pass joke. The girls dey use corner eye look the teacher.

Everybody for class just dey look me like say I thief. Even the chalk for blackboard just dey look me, na so I dey feel. I dey wish say rain go fall, carry everybody comot from class. My skin dey hot, but I still dey cold inside.

The class teacher push her glasses up, tie her wrapper tighter, and eye everybody for class one by one. "E be like say the girl wey you like sabi herself well. She know say final year dey important, she hide her beauty, dey focus. But you? Your mind just full of rubbish."

The way she take talk am, e be like she dey vex, but her eye get small softness, like say something dey pinch her too. She blink fast, like person dey fight tears. I dey wonder if she sabi the truth for my letter.

I dey look the class teacher, my head just blank. Everything just turn white for my mind. E be like say na dream, but na real life. My spirit wan fly go, but shame dey hold am back.

I still remember how fine she be—

The memory dey play for my mind like old cassette wey never scratch. Sun dey touch her hair, she smile small, and everything for my body just dey light.

That time for sunset, her hair just dey loose, that lavender smell, as she kiss my forehead softly.

That day sweet me, na only that memory dey keep me sane sometimes. The way her hair fall, na like river flow, the lavender dey my nose like perfume I never forget.

Her lips sweet and soft, like honey lip balm.

That lip balm ehn, na him first touch my soul. The sweetness dey different, like Christmas chin chin.

That day, my lips crack. She bring out her own lip balm, hold my face, gently rub am for my mouth.

I no go forget as her hand soft reach. Na only person wey care go do that kind thing, no be everybody fit rub lip balm for another person.

And my mama, reach this part, read with small shame, "Wetin I miss pass, na when you help me rub lip balm. I shy die, but I still dey do like say I be stubborn boy. I pretend say I no like am, talk say you don use am before, but you talk say my lips dey bleed. I close my eyes, you laugh small, then gently rub am for me." For that moment, I feel say I dey special, even if na just small thing.

As my mama dey read, her voice dey crack. I see her dey try hide tears, but the story dey heavy. Some girls for class dey cover face, dem dey blush on top my matter. For my mind, I dey beg make ground open swallow me.

The class teacher hit her hand for desk. The sound loud, e shock everybody. She just wan break the tension or maybe hide her own small embarrassment.

She talk coldly, "I don change my mind. This girl sef, she no get sense—she shameless! Everybody hear well o! If I catch any boy and girl for this class dey share lip balm, I go call una parents straight!" Her voice sharp, she wan show say she no dey moved, but I fit see small crack for her mask. The girls dey hide their lip balm for bag.

She nod my mama make she continue.

My mama look her, then look me, then just nod back, her mouth tight. She dey try finish quick make e end.

My mama read soft, "Many years don pass, but I no fit forget. To you, I just be passerby, but you turn my world upside down."

My heart twist small for chest. True true, I be small boy that year, but my feeling don dey strong since.

"Dem talk say your book dey sharp, say you go enter big university. But me, I different. Everybody talk say I dey dodge class, my result bad, say I no get future. You be big madam, me na just ordinary pikin."

That line pain me. E remind me say na only God fit lift person from gutter reach palace. My eye dey shine, I dey try hold my tears.

The class teacher just burst laugh. "See as boys dey talk sweet nonsense! Girls, hear am. Boys like dey talk all this emotional rubbish—dem go run themselves down, praise the girl, then come dey find pity."

She try turn am to joke, maybe to hide wetin dey her heart, but the girls just dey look her, some dey shake head, others dey smile like say dem dey enjoy the gist.

All the girls for class dey nod, dey listen. Their face dey mix with shock and enjoyment. One girl even whisper, "See as love dey sweet some people o!" Everybody dey listen well well.