Chapter 4: True Face, True Pain

My papa and mama go find keke. I wan follow them, na so person hold my hand from back.

As we waka reach outside, I fit hear my mama dey whisper, "God abeg." My papa just dey wave hand for keke man make e stop. Na so breeze blow, carry small dust enter my eye. I wan just waka comot, make I for no cry for road. But one hand strong hold my wrist from back.

I turn, na Timi face I see, e dey vex.

Timi face don squeeze. E dey look me like say I thief him last card. For him face, vex dey mix with another thing I no fit name. I pause, the streetlight shine for him face, make e look even more stubborn.

He wear him normal bad boy swag—white shirt on top black T-shirt wey neck low. Two new silver studs dey shine for him collarbone, just add more to him wahala look.

E be like say Timi dey use style make statement—if e no dey wear those studs, e no go feel complete. Everybody know say for him street, na him dey run things. E get that air of person wey nobody fit touch.

He bend down, dey look me, mouth bend like say e wan mock me. "Long time no see, your wahala don increase. No be you take long leave? Where you see boyfriend? How old e be? How e look? I sabi am?"

E voice sharp, na that kain voice wey dey drag gist from person. E eyes dey shine, dey wait make I slip. If na another day, I for throw back, but today, I no get energy.

He just dey throw question up and down. E be like concern, but me I know say na just to get gist, then use am run me down as usual. E don do am too many times before.

Na old trick. E go act like e care, but na for e own amusement. Timi and all him wahala, sometimes I dey wonder if e ever go grow.

I no waste time. I shake off him hand, raise my voice: "No concern you!"

I look am for eye, make e know say today na today. My voice sharp, people wey dey pass just dey look. I no send.

Timi look him hand, shock. Smile disappear, he just frown more.

For a second, e look like small pikin wey chop slap. E jaw strong, e just swallow words. E eyes dey heavy, but e no talk.

Sunkanmi poke head from back, dey shine teeth. "Wetin happen, sis? Why you dey para like this?" He raise voice, dey play, make e easy for people to like am. But the talk wey dey come out no pure.

Sunkanmi fit sabi play pass anybody. E go dey twist voice, call me "sis" as if e no get sense. But e dey always watch my face, dey find where e go enter.

"No tell me say you really get guy for outside? Ah ah, we no do you?"

E voice get small tease. For e mind, e dey try ginger me make I talk true. E dey smile, teeth white, eye dey shine like person wey just chop gala.

He smile more, eye dey shine, like say e get another meaning. "You too wild."

Na usual Sunkanmi talk—always dey call me wild, as if say na crime. But e eyes dey shine, e dey look if I go vex. People wey know am go say na play, but I sabi e get another meaning for mind.

Sunkanmi always like to joke say the three of them na my harem—like say I be one big babe, special and untouchable. But inside our group, na me dey try pass to belong.

For outside, dem dey call me "madam," say na me get three bodyguards. But for inside, na me dey do all the work. I dey laugh, dey follow play, dey try make everybody happy. E dey pain me sometimes, but I no fit stop.

I dey deceive myself before, say even though dem dey use me play, always turn me to joke, maybe na how boys dey behave. Besides, dem dey always hang with me, and if person wan do me strong thing, dem go defend me. After all, we grow together. I think say I special to them.

Sometimes for night, I go dey reason: maybe na how dem show love. If person yab me for school, dem go show face, chase person. But for private, dem go use me play anyhow. I dey tell myself say e no reach like that.

Until that last time. Na then I know say I just dey entertain them, na me be their clown for when dem bored.

That day, I watch as dem dey laugh for group chat—dem share my old picture, dey yab my shoe. I smile, but for inside, my heart dey cut. Na that day I know say, truly, na just pastime I be.

I look Sunkanmi. He still dey smile, dey wait to see if I go vex. But I just look am blank, then waka go.

E expect drama, but I no give am. I waka slow, carry my pride like wrapper.

After some steps, cold voice stop me. "When you dey come back school?"

Na Abdullahi voice. E dey always talk like teacher. The question dry, but e soft small. My back straight, I no turn, but I answer.

I pause, no look back. But at least, as the question normal, I answer am straight: "In two days."

My voice flat. I no wan drag talk. For inside my heart, I dey count seconds, dey pray make today finish.

Sharp sharp, I hear Sunkanmi click tongue, dey complain loud make I hear: "See am, she dey give am better treatment. But—"

He dey try provoke me, dey compare how I dey treat Abdullahi and others. Na old wahala, but today, I no get strength.

"You and am don break up since, sis, you still dey treat am special?"

Na small laugh follow for background. Sunkanmi dey poke, dey try get reaction. My hand tight, but I no talk.

E funny abi? Out of the three, na Abdullahi hate the marriage idea pass. Him mouth bitter—call me mumu, say him no go ever marry person like me.

Sometimes life just dey play person. The one wey hate idea pass, na the only one wey ever reason my matter true.

But na me and am date. And na Abdullahi first talk him mind give me.

All the noise, all the wahala, na for one reason: na only Abdullahi get heart talk true. E shock everybody.

For their eyes, I be just plaything. For my heart, pain dey burn like hot iron.