Chapter 11: Ambulance Siren and Regret

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For the room, my stepfather dey try hold Somto wey don lose control. My mama dey call nurse from local health centre. House help dey pack broken things.

Room scatter. My stepfather dey struggle hold Somto arm, dey beg am calm down. My mama dey fumble for phone, dey dial local nurse. The househelp dey pack broken frame, dey sweep floor, dey mutter "Eya, eya." My mind dey float, like person wey dey outside body.

Only me stand one place. Like goat wey dem tie for sacrifice, just dey wait.

I just stand for door, arms hang by side, like say my own shadow dey swallow me. My head dey heavy, foot dey glue ground. I dey watch, but my mind far.

I dey hear ambulance siren dey shout, neighbor dey peep window, house help dey shout 'Eya!' for corridor. Last last, everybody waka, room empty.

Ambulance wahala na normal for Naija estate—sirens go shout, people go look window, then everywhere calm again. Last last, they move Somto go nurse side, my mama follow. Room empty, but my heart full.

Suddenly, I begin hate myself join.

Hatred wey I dey throw outside before, begin turn inside. My own self dey pain me. I dey wonder whether na me cause all this wahala, or whether na life just hard. For Naija, sometimes, na yourself you go blame last last.

If you no fit belong, no force am. To dey force yourself just tire person.

I dey repeat am for mind. Belonging no dey by force. I dey try force love, force family, but at the end, na stress full pocket.

If that time I get mind leave after first wahala—maybe by now, my story for different.

If I pack my load that first month, maybe my own for soft. But who dey run from rain, sometimes go jam thunder. Regret dey swallow me. I dey imagine if I just pack my load, move on that first month, maybe life for soft small. But as pikin, I gree stay, dey fight for space.

I drive go company, just sit down think all night.

My car be my only safe space. I park for office, wind up glass, play Asa for radio, dey think till morning. Sleep no come, but peace small dey.

When time reach for work next day, my phone vibrate, I see notice for work group.

Group chat dey ring. Everybody dey drop emoji, dey beg for help. The work wahala dey real.

[Makurdi branch dey busy, need marketing people and sharp supervisors. Anybody wey wan help, abeg apply.]

Makurdi far, but to run away dey hungry me. New place, new face, new wahala. I dey consider am.

Just on impulse, I fill the form.

I no even think twice. I just open link, fill name, add CV. If God wan do, e go work.

Before dem approve, my phone ring only two times.

First ring, my heart jump. I dey expect wahala.

First one na MTN customer care. As I hear ringtone, my body just shock, like current pass.

MTN dey disturb, but today, the call make me fear. I dey hope say no be Somto wahala again.

Second one na my stepfather finally.

The big call. When e ring, I dey hold phone like person wey wan face judge. My chest dey beat drum.

Na wetin you dey fear dey always happen, wetin you dey hope for, e no dey come.

I dey remember old Naija proverb. The thing wey you dey fear go happen sharp sharp. The one wey you dey pray for, e go drag leg.

He see my transfer request, voice full of vex:

His voice sharp, no soft at all. E dey boil. My mind dey reason how to answer.

'So now fear catch you?

Na for Somto sake I give you this position, see as you dey pay me back?

First you make Somto get episode, then you wan use am run go Makurdi. Titi, Titi, wetin dey your head?'

Each word heavy. He dey hammer my ear. I dey try find my own voice, but my tongue dey dry.

I hold my phone tight, throat dry.

Sweat dey my palm. My mouth dey open, but words hard to come out. Sometimes, silence dey louder than talk.

'Somto no wan see me. If I commot, e go better for everybody.'

I say am with all my heart. If to leave go give peace, make I waka. For Naija, sometimes, to waka na solution.

He just quiet. Then I hear am dey laugh with another person:

The laugh na small, wicked one. E dey pain me, but I no show.

'Fine, fine, I hear. Then Dr. Abdul go dey take care of Somto.'

Dr. Abdul na old family doctor. E sabi take care of people like Somto, but the thought of another person petting my own hurt me. I just keep quiet, dey breathe deep.

My mind shake small. I wan ask about Somto, but call cut.

I dey try find words, but before I talk, call end. I dey look phone like person wey thief him own thing.

Soon, my phone vibrate again.

[Chairman Okafor don approve your application.]

That message short, but heavy. New chapter dey open, but my heart no gree settle. For Naija, life dey always turn corner, no be straight road. My journey just dey start.

I look window, Makurdi far, but my mind dey ready. For this Naija, everybody dey find new road.