Chapter 1: Coded Package for Naija Streets

I Simped for Four Women at the Same Time

None of them loved me.

But that one no concern me.

After all, I just dey run my own coded package.

Once I finish the mission, I go collect my reward and waka, no looking back.

But na dem come dey regret am last last. No be today water start to dey pass garri.

The way life be for Naija, sometimes you just dey do your own, dey hustle, and people go dey reason say you get wahala. But man must chop. Make dem dey talk, e no go change my own.

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I be professional simp, dey run four women at the same time. If dem dey share award for mumu, my own shelf for full.

Sometimes, I go look myself for mirror, shake head, laugh small—see as I dey hustle woman matter for this city wey generator noise no dey ever finish. But this system wey I dey, e get as e be.

The system yarn me say: the more I dey simp, the more I dey make money.

So even though the four women no like me, some dey vex for me, some dey insult me, some dey look down on me, e no dey bother me at all.

To me, na just walking ATM dem be.

And now, na just one week remain before this my simp mission go finish.

Time to round everything up.

I dey count down the days like say na NYSC POP. E remain small, I go free myself. For now, I dey hold body.