Chapter 3: Secret Journeys and Bargains

I meet Mallam Lawal for government house party.

The air for party dey heavy, perfume and fried beef dey fight for air. Light dey shine from chandelier, big men dey laugh, small girls dey peep from behind curtain. Na there my life begin change.

He don drink, come mistake me for Madam.

The way he pull my hand, call me "my dear," my body just cold. For that moment, I fit see say him eye red with drink, voice low like say e dey beg spirit to forgive am.

That time, he and Madam don quarrel, so I come be her replacement.

For big house, na so dem dey use people cover shame. My own na to smile, answer when dem call, pretend say all dey well. But for heart, I dey count my losses.

He no wan give me title, but he no wan let me go.

I be like goat wey dem tie with long rope—free but still prisoner. The way he dey look me, sometimes e sweet, sometimes e cold. I dey hope say one day, e go change.

Every night, dem go carry me for small keke napep go one old church, blindfold me, carry me pass secret tunnel reach Oga Presido bed.

The journey dey always long, my heart dey beat like talking drum. I go dey pray make nobody see me, make nobody hear my cry. Inside the keke, the driver no talk, na only the sound of the engine dey answer my thought. Sometimes, distant siren dey wail for express, but our own keke dey hide for shadow.

Even after he and Madam settle, sometimes he still dey call me.

Na so the secret dey stretch, like old wrapper. Sometimes, I dey fear say one day e go tear, scatter everywhere. But I no fit escape.

From calling me Madam name, later he start dey call me with sweet voice: "Amina."

That name dey taste for my ear like honey. I begin hope say, maybe my own time don come. I dey fool myself with small-small dreams.

I think say he really like me. I want make he give me status.

If he call me with better voice, maybe one day he go announce me for open. I dey reason my own glory for inside darkness.

As young girl, no purity again, nobody to back me up, the only thing wey remain na to enter government house.

My mama na market woman, my papa name no show for anywhere. Only government house fit give me small place for this world, but even there, my own dey hang for rope.

But he still no gree, say Madam don get belle.

That day, his voice sharp, e no even let me talk finish. "No disturb me. Madam dey carry my pikin." As if say na only that belle matter dey life.

But I no fit wait again. I don drink so many herbs to stop belle, if I continue, my body go spoil.

All those agbo wey mama dey sneak give me, my body don tire. My waist dey pain, my head dey hot. I dey fear say if I no find better road, I go spoil for nothing.

I want marry.

I dey beg God make he show me mercy. If I get husband, at least I fit hold ground, get name.

I wan try my luck—maybe I go fit marry better person.

Even if na far place, make I get peace. For city, my own don cast.

I go meet Aunty.

I kneel down for her room, voice low. She dey look me, her eye dey watery. I just dey hope say she go show pity.

For my marriage, Aunty find many people.

She dey waka up and down, dey talk to people, dey look for way. Some suitors na old, some na far. But she try her best for me.

Na General Musa Adedeji wey dey border I like.

E get calm for him face, and people dey talk say e get sense. I reason say, if I go border, nobody go sabi my story.

He don lose wife, get one boy and one girl for house. This time, he come capital to find second wife from among wey no get papa name.

E dey find person wey no get plenty wahala, and Aunty say I fit manage. I whisper small prayer—“God, abeg, let peace dey this man house.” I just dey hope say him children no go hate me.

Plenty girls no like the border, dem no wan marry. But for me, to marry far dey safer.

All my friends dey laugh, dey say, "You wan go live for bush?" But I know say my own na to escape city wahala.

Not too long, Aunty bring news say General Musa dey come propose.

She dey beam smile, dey pray say make this one work. Even her voice sweet when she dey break the news for me.

She smile, try calm me, say make I prepare to be general wife.

She give me small wrapper, say make I sew something fine. Her hand dey my shoulder, she dey rub am, dey whisper, "No fear, God dey."

I nod, but my mind still dey worry small.

My heart dey beat anyhow. I dey pray say this marriage no go carry new wahala join my own.

Na then everything change.

I no know say wahala dey wait for corner. Life no dey ever straight for this estate.