Chapter 6: Finding My Voice

Gbim gbim.

Gbim gbim…

Na my heart dey beat anyhow.

Musa hear am.

He hear as Tobi talk, "Anytime you drunk, na his name you dey call."

As I know Musa, he for use the chance tease me more.

And, as usual, laugh me: "Ifeoma, you really like me, abi? Hahaha."

But this time, na only shock and panic dey his face.

"Hide for study?"

Tobi voice bring me back.

He look study, smile fade, waka go open door.

But the room empty—nobody inside.

He no gree, begin open bedroom, dressing room, like husband wey dey catch wife for act.

When everywhere empty, he just hiss.

"You dey play, Ifeoma? Wetin be all this?"

"Anyway, since we resemble, if na that one you want, I fit give you."

As he talk, he use finger lift my chin, like say na joke.

I never even talk.

Na Musa talk.

"Nonsense. Free her."

He rush come, swing for Tobi, but hand pass through am—no fit even touch one hair, just dey jump up and down.

"See this guy. Ifeoma, he just commot from another woman bed, now dey follow you."

"You just dey stand? Where that your old stubbornness?"

"Give am slap. Like you dey do me before."

Musa words hit me like drum, my chest lock like padlock wey key loss.

Ten years ago, I really stubborn.

Because my book dey sharp, I once challenge maths teacher for over-punishing students during assembly.

And when I see boys dey harass one girl for back gate, I step in, no fear.

That time, I think say I be warrior, nothing fit shake me.

If Musa no remind me, I for forget say I get that kind mind before.

For one second, I hear my mama voice for my head: "Ifeoma, no let any man use you shine. Stand strong, nwa m."

I squeeze my palm, small doubt dey bite my belly, but I lock am.

"E don do."

With small sigh, I brush Tobi hand comot, waka pass am.

I finally find cigarette wey I dey find since, for cupboard, light am.

"Tobi, you know, face or no face, I for still dey beg you."

The smoke wey I blow just carry all the old frustration go, like Lagos danfo wey no get conductor. As I see Musa dey look me, I remember how my stubbornness used to make my mama complain say, "Ifeoma, na only strong head you get." But na that same strong head dey save me now, as I stand my ground before Tobi.