Chapter 4: Gaps and Ghosts

Ireti still give Zainab half day off, make she go rest for house.

Before she commot, she waka come my side, still smile say, "Aunty, no vex for today. Make I greet you next time, I go bring you small puff-puff."

I just nod, manage small smile, but inside me, na jealousy dey brew like ogogoro for local bar.

All afternoon, I just siddon for Ireti office dey wait am close. He dey meeting. I just dey look the half cup pepper soup wey Zainab leave for coffee table.

The aroma just dey remind me of how Ireti dey miss my own cooking before, how he go beg me make I put extra scent leaf. Now another person dey fill that gap.

After work, I enter Ireti car. As he bend help me wear seatbelt, I see one small fine white rabbit ornament for front. Na cute thing. Person like Ireti, wey dey cold, no fit put that kain thing for him car by himself.

I touch the ornament, fingers linger for the smooth head. The smile wey the rabbit dey form na that kain innocent pikin smile. My mind just dey run go who fit put am there.

The small rabbit dey smile for me. But my heart just heavy.

I look am for long, then talk: "So Zainab don graduate too."

My voice small, like breeze wey dey pass through window during rainy season.

"Mm."

Ireti answer, then add: "She graduate last year. As she finish, she send CV to our company. We dey short staff, and I like her work, so I employ her."

His tone soft, like say e dey try arrange story make e gentle for my mind. But my body no buy the explanation. My spirit just dey reason say something dey under.

E be like say he dey try calm me, but the more he talk, the more e dey like excuse, so he just quiet.

Na so everywhere just go quiet, na only the hum of AC and my own breathing dey loud. The road outside dey pass, people dey waka, life dey go on, but for my body, na only darkness dey swell.

And the small energy I get today just vanish, I no even get strength to ask more. I just rest my head for window, dey look as everywhere dey pass outside.

Maybe, for person wey sick like me, even if today he still talk like before, "No need," give me that security, I no go still happy.

Na so my mind dey float, dey carry me back to the days when na I dey make am laugh. Now, na another person dey get am.