Chapter 5: The Final Straw

He shake head. "I never tell dem. Their health no too good—no need to make dem worry. And na Russia, but no be war zone. E safe. When time reach, I go just tell dem say na business trip inside Naija."

I hiss. E think say old people no dey wise? Before dem hear am for radio or from church, na me go carry cross.

"So if I no catch you that day, na tonight you for tell me, abi?"

He lower head, keep quiet, no gree answer.

He no fit talk, because he know say na true. My chest just dey pain me more.

I look mirror again, force smile wey bitter.

I wipe my face. No let am see tears, I tell myself. I no go break for front of this man.

I tell myself: This man no worth am. At all, e no worth am.

If no be say children still small, I for don carry my load go. I feel my eye dey hot, but I no go let tears drop. I dey calculate all the things wey I don sacrifice for this marriage.

Even that time Sulaiman sick, na me rush am go general hospital, stay all night for bench. I sabi manage, fit turn two cups of garri and small ugu to better soup. But see as e dey behave.

He selfish, he dey fear, he weak, he no get responsibility.

I dey list all him wahala for my mind. Na person wey suppose stand gidigba, e just dey run from him own shadow.

All these years he dey do like good person, but once him own interest dey involved, he fit throw anybody or anything away.

If you see am for mosque, e go dey pray like say e holy pass everybody, but for house, na wahala.

I pull blanket, lie down, talk from under the cover, "Since nothing I talk fit change your mind, no wahala. Safe journey. I wan sleep alone tonight—go sleep for study."

I no gree give am room for beg. I just cover myself, close my eye, dey wait make he waka.

I feel am stand for bedside long. Na when he think say I don sleep, he quietly open door, commot.

Him leg soft for ground, no wan make noise. Even the way he close door, e careful, as if say he dey tiptoe for lion den.

Next day, I wake by 6:30 make breakfast for the children, carry each of them go school. When I reach house by 8 to prepare for work, Auwalu don disappear.

No single sign say he still dey house. Even him shaving stick no dey bathroom again.

Him suitcase no dey, half of him clothes don go.

I open wardrobe, na only empty hangers remain. My hand just weak.

Auwalu mama see as I dey look the empty wardrobe, she say, "Auwalu don travel for work. Abeg dey call am, check on am well. He dey try for una. Yesterday night I see am alone for study, light dey on all night. You wake early cook breakfast, the noise loud—the whole compound fit hear you. You no see Auwalu eye, dark circle full everywhere, e fear me."

Her voice dey carry that pity wey only mother fit package. But na her pikin cause all this one.