Chapter 7: Lock Door, Lock Heart

When Kamsi reach house that night, e go see everything wey I throw away. E come knock my door with vex.

E bang door like say e go break am. My papa look window, shake head, but no talk.

“Ifeoma! Come out! We need talk.”

E voice loud. Neighbours dey peep. I take deep breath, open door small.

I open door.

The light from corridor shine for im face. E eye red, hair rough. E dey breathe heavy, like person wey run marathon.

Kamsi stand, face cold.

E no smile, e no greet. Just dey look me straight.

“Why you throw away everything I give you?”

E voice low, but e pain dey inside. I fit see am for im face.

“E concern you?”

I look am, face strong.

For my mind, I dey protect myself. I no want show weakness. Na now or never.

The slap mark still dey my face. Kamsi no pity me—my cheek swell, finger mark show. Instead make e clear, e just dey worse.

Neighbours dey pass, dey whisper. I no send them. Kamsi dey look the mark, like say e no believe e own hand.

Kamsi face change. E just dey look the mark, like say e no believe.

E reach hand, e stop. E eye wet small, but e hold am back.

After some time, e talk softly,

E voice almost break. I never hear am talk like that before.

“…How e take bad like this?”

He dey shake head, like say e wan rewind time. For once, e look small again, like the boy wey dey play suwe for gutter.

E wan touch me, but I shift back, face strong.

I no gree let am touch me. If e touch me, I fit cry again. My heart hard like kpof-kpof wey don cold.

Me, I no dey quick wound. Anytime I hit something, I dey always run go meet Kamsi, cry for am to pet me.

If my leg scratch, na Kamsi go carry me reach nurse. E go buy sweet, say, 'No cry.'

Truth be say, I no dey fear pain. My body strong—sometimes, scratch go dey, I no go even notice. Na just to act like baby for person wey I like.

That one na my small trick. But Kamsi always act like e no notice. E dey pet me, dey spoil me.

But this same Kamsi wey dey talk say I dey weak, actually like when I depend on am.

Now I reason say, maybe e want make I dey fragile, but e no like am for outside. E dey form big boy for public.

But now, I no gree play that game again.

I fit see am for my face. I don lock my heart. No more baby.

Kamsi never see me act this cold before. For a moment, e confuse.

E dey look me, dey try read my eye. E no fit talk. Silence just dey between us.

“I no mean am, Ifeoma. You talk anyhow, I just vex for that moment…”

His voice low. E dey hope say I go forgive. But I no fit.

I cut am.

I raise hand, stop am. I no let tears show.

“Since you dey here, make we clear am. From today, we go behave like strangers.”

I look am direct. My voice no shake. Na final warning.

“From now, call me my full name. If we jam for school, no talk to me. No ever come knock my door for night again.”

E shock. E hand dey shake. I dey hold my own door.

I finish, wan close door.

Na so I push door small, but e still grip my hand. E no wan let go.

Kamsi grab my hand, dey look me. E face dey turn from guilt, to vex, to confusion.

E dey bite lip, dey shake head. E voice low, 'Ify…' but I no answer.

“E reach like this, Ifeoma? If na because I slap you, I go apologize. You no feel say you dey too much?”

He dey talk, voice high. E dey try defend im action. My mind dey strong.

“You sure say you no go regret am later? Life no dey always balance, Ify.”

I look am, my heart heavy, but my mouth no go change.

“I no go ever regret.”

I talk am slow, make am sink.

“…Why?” e ask, dey try hold im anger. “Na just because I slap you by mistake?”

He dey look for hope, but my mind don made up.

“Yes. Na just because of slap.”

I talk am with my full chest.

My voice strong, eye clear. I close door, go inside. For my mind, I know say I choose myself for once. But as lock snap, my chest dey shake—wetin if tomorrow pain pass today?