Chapter 5: Last Straw

The flat we rent na ground floor for old compound, drainage bad.

Rain dey wash sand, gutter water dey flow inside. Neighbours dey complain, landlord no dey pick call. I dey look around, everywhere dey mess. Na so our small comfort vanish.

When we open door, everywhere scatter.

The smell of wet rug, dirty water, everything dey jam. Our mattress dey float, shoe dey swim, my small pot dey roll for kitchen.

One meter dirty water dey float our couple toothbrush cup, matching slippers, photo wall wey we arrange with love…

I see our toothbrush, the pink and blue one. Slippers wey we buy for Christmas, dey float near dustbin. The photo wall—every picture don soak, some dey tear. My heart cut.

For those photos, we dey rub cake for each other face for birthday, set sparkler for Christmas, do heart sign together…

Na those moments dey show for the wall. We dey smile, dey play, dey dream. I dey see myself, dey wonder if that girl still dey inside me.

All those sweet memories, now water don spoil am.

Tears mix with rain. All our love dey swim for floor, na so memory dey disappear.

“E don finish. Nothing remain.”

I talk am, voice weak. I dey look the water, dey see my reflection—wet, tired, broken.

Ifeanyi put me for shoe rack, dey pick the photos one by one, him face dey tight.

He arrange me gently for rack, like say e dey keep precious thing. E dey pick photos, dey look each one. Him jaw tight, e dey fight tears.

I open mouth, wan ask—

I want ask am, make he talk true. My mouth open, but words hang.

[If everything na game, this memory dey pain you?]

I dey reason—if na game, why him face dey strong like this? Wetin dey pain him? Na memory or na shame?

But I just talk,

I no fit ask full. I swallow words, just talk small.

“E don go. No be anything.”

My chest dey vibrate. I try form hard, but e no work. My voice dey shake, my eyes dey burn.

“No be anything? If this one no mean anything, which one mean?”

He voice soft, confused. He dey try understand me, or maybe dey talk to himself. For that moment, him eyes dey red small. I never see Ifeanyi like this.

Ifeanyi dey look me, confuse, eyes dey pain small.

He dey search my face, dey look for answer. My own pain dey show, but him own dey hide inside.

Na because these memories be like trophy for you?

I dey wonder, na trophy or na regret? E dey hold am, or e dey mourn am?

I squeeze my palm, press my lips, no talk again.

I hold myself tight. If I open mouth, tears fit pour. I just press lips, close eye, dey pray make night end.

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House don flood, we no fit stay.

We dey stand for wet corridor, cold dey bite us. Some neighbours dey cry, some dey carry bag. Mosquito don dey show, night dey fall. I dey hug my own bag, Ifeanyi dey beside me, silent.

Hotels nearby full or too cost.

Everywhere full, dem dey chase us from reception. Some say we dirty, some say we go spoil their floor. Money dey talk, but our own no reach.

Dem talk say four thousand naira per night.

Na that time I know say we dey suffer. Four thousand be like four hundred thousand. My mind dey race, Ifeanyi still dey try form big man.

So we just join crowd for hotel lobby, sit near wall, dey reason where to go next.

We dey squeeze for lobby, plastic chair hard, my back dey pain. Ifeanyi hold my cold hand, but I no look am. People dey sleep for floor, dey use bag as pillow. Hunger dey bite, cold dey catch.

Beside us, some young girls dey gist.

Dem dey laugh loud, dey snap selfie, dey talk about money, love, and sugar daddy. Their voice dey scatter lobby.

“Chai, make one rich guy just fall for me, dash me one million for nothing.”

Dem dey dream, dey count blessing wey never reach. I dey look them, I dey wonder if dem go fit survive this kind rain.

“No talk am—see trending gist? I too envy Amaka Okafor.”

“Amaka get luck die. See the way her life dey shine, see the way money dey follow her.”

“She be celeb, still be Abuja princess, her fiancé just donate hundred million like play. Mad o.”

Na so news dey spread. Social media dey carry Amaka story up and down. I dey hear, my heart dey twist.

“He even donate put both their names. Na real love be that.”

Girls dey squeal, dey tap phone. Dem dey show receipts, dey dream their own.

Behind me, Ifeanyi body suddenly stiff, then he lean come my ear, dey whine.

He body hot, he lean close. His breath dey my ear, voice low, dey form pity.

“Sis, four thousand na four thousand. Make we just stay here?”

He dey beg, voice small. For another time, I for pity, but today I cold.

Him warm body dey shake small for my back.

He dey shiver, even though he dey try form strong. I fit feel am, but I close mind.

Na late rainy season. He don give me jacket, only T-shirt remain for am.

He dey press arms, dey rub body. Goosebumps full him hand, but he no complain. Na only for my sake he dey endure.

Before, I for pity am, fit use half my salary just to pamper am.

Before, I for hug am, buy pepper soup, rub his back. Now, I dey look away.

But now, I pinch his thigh, talk coldly,

My fingers press hard, I no smile. I face front, my voice sharp, no beg.

“Na you cause am. You deserve am.”

I no look him face, I just drop am. My chest dey rise, I dey try control tears.

I pause, then laugh small,

Na laugh wey no get joy. For my mind, I dey mock my own foolishness.

“If you be like person fiancé, fit donate hundred million like play, you think say I go dey suffer like this?”

I dey throw shade, voice low. My words dey cut, no mercy inside. I dey drag him pride for ground.

As I talk am finish, cough just catch me.

The cold choke me, my chest dey catch. I bend small, hand for mouth, cough dey tear my throat.

Ifeanyi pat my back gently.

He no talk, just dey pat me soft. For small second, I remember the boy wey I love before.

When I calm down, he lower head, bite my ear small, voice rough.

He dey try play, voice husky, “I hear you.” The bite soft, but my body cold.

“I hear you. Sis think say I too broke.”

He dey smile, but e no reach him eye. For small second, I almost pity am.

“Na my fault. I no fit give you big house, make you sick, make you dey cold, no even get place sleep—everything na my fault…”

He dey list the wahala, as if to say sorry. His tone weak, like person wey don lose fight.

I think say I no go cry again.

I tell myself say my eyes don dry, but e be like tears dey form for inside.

But as he talk am with that voice, say he no fit give me better life,

His voice dey shake, e weak. I fit see pain, but I dey fight my own tears.

my eyes still dey pepper me.

My vision blur, I dey blink fast. I dey vex for myself, but my heart no dey hear word.

Just like before, he go dey watch as life dey tire me, watch as I dey suffer for am.

E go just dey look, dey watch as I dey hustle for both of us, as I dey tire. He no dey carry my matter for head like I carry him own.

He go talk sweet, empty words, maybe he even dey enjoy am.

I dey think, maybe all these na cruise. Maybe na this suffering dey sweet him, maybe e like to watch me struggle.

“Yes, na your fault.”

I cut am short.

My voice sharp, no space for pity. I face am, no blink. For once, I wan hold ground.

Ifeanyi stop, face blank.

He freeze, like statue. The smile for him face die, only blankness remain. Even him hand dey hang for air.

Before, if he talk like that, I go always comfort am.

Normally, I go hug am, rub his back, talk soft. Now, I dey stone him with silence.

“No blame yourself. I dey pity you, I really dey. You understand?”

Na so I dey always tell am before, dey assure am. My own heart soft like akara, I no fit watch am suffer.

But now, I look him for eye, talk one by one,

I hold him gaze, no shake. My words dey come out slow, heavy, each one like stone.

“Or how? Your salary na three thousand. You no even fit rent bathroom for Abuja. You wan waste my whole life?”

My voice dey shake, but I no stop. I dey pour all my pain. I dey remind am say my life no be joke.

“You really think say I wan dey live for rented flat with you forever?”

For the first time, I talk my own mind, no fear. My dream big pass wetin him dey give.

Ifeanyi shock. After long time, he force smile, raise hand awkwardly.

Him mouth open, but words no come out. E try smile, but the thing crooked. Him hand hover like say e wan touch me, but e no sure.

“I… I fit do overtime—”

He dey try beg, dey talk solution. But my mind don close, no want hear story.

I no wan hear another lie, so I push am away.

I use hand, push him chest. He stagger small, eyes wide. People dey watch us, but I no care.

“Just dey play.”

I drop am, turn face. My voice low but sharp. I dey warn am—this life no be rehearsal.

From the corner of my eye, I see as Ifeanyi shoulder just fall down.

His whole body collapse. For the first time, Ifeanyi look small, like boy wey rain beat. His pride drop, him head low. My own heart dey shake, but I hold myself.

For the first time, na me dey hold the knife. I no dey beg again.