Chapter 5: Choosing Myself

After saying that, to stop myself from wavering, I opened my laptop right in front of her. The screen glowed blue in the darkness, the keyboard sticky beneath my fingers.

Without hesitation, at the last minute before the deadline, I changed my first choice to that top university in Savannah. I clicked the confirmation button with a trembling finger, my stomach rolling with nerves and the tiniest sliver of hope.

Aubrey was so happy she could have flown through the ceiling. She squealed, hugging her phone to her chest. "Girl, we are going to have the best time! I swear, Savannah’s gonna be a fresh start for both of us."

She’d been begging me to apply to the same college for ages. She’d even sent me pictures of the Spanish moss and riverwalk, promising we’d find the best coffee shop by the second week.

But back when we started high school, I’d already promised Derek that we’d work hard together and go to his dream city, Chicago, after the SATs.

He’d always wanted to study aerospace engineering. His bedroom walls were covered in NASA posters and old model airplanes he’d built since we were kids.

So even though I didn’t like the cold Midwest winters and had no special feelings for that big technical school, I made it my goal for all three years of high school. Every college tour, every practice essay, every ACT test—it was always about being with Derek, chasing his dreams.

After so many years as neighbors, both our families were happy for us to apply to the same university. Our parents used to joke about joint family Thanksgiving dinners and how we’d carpool home for Christmas break.

Everyone, including me, thought that once we came of age, Derek and I would naturally become a couple.

But now, I couldn’t find a single reason to go to Chicago anymore.

Or rather, after today, if I kept clinging to Derek like before,

I wouldn’t even be able to respect myself. I’d seen my reflection in the bathroom mirror that afternoon, and I didn’t recognize the girl staring back.

All I wanted now was to hide far away—anywhere, as long as Derek wasn’t there.

He’s in the north, so I’ll go south.

For the first time in months, I felt a flicker of something like hope—like maybe I could start over, just me and Aubrey, somewhere nobody knew my story.