Chapter 13: Searching for What’s Missing

**Chapter Twelve**

I pulled myself together and wrote home, asking my mom to keep looking for marriage prospects for me.

When I wrote the letter, I didn’t try to hide it. My cousin’s wife craned her neck to read, then laughed: "I’ve never seen anyone so eager to marry. Rachel, tell me—do you have someone in mind?"

I shook my head, puzzled.

"No, I just want to have a child."

Without Ethan, my heart felt empty, as if a huge piece was missing.

Originally, as my sister-in-law said, I should be enjoying my youth and freedom.

But I couldn’t enjoy it.

All I could think about was filling that ache, like maybe a child of my own could patch the hole.

Seeing how serious I was about getting married, my sister-in-law got proactive too, saying she’d introduce some young men to me.

But my grandfather was just a fisherman with one boat and a few acres of poor land—his family wasn’t as well-off as ours.

Naturally, my sister-in-law didn’t know any young professionals. The ones she knew were basically farmers.

If I married them, forget having children—I’d probably be working in the fields the next day.

In the past, I wouldn’t have been afraid of hardship.

But in my previous life, Ethan had spoiled me for decades. I was used to being surrounded by help—going from comfort to poverty was hard.

I just couldn’t accept it.

I couldn’t accept the men my sister-in-law introduced.

I also looked down on the ones my mom arranged.

One was from a business family like ours. To be a businessman's wife for life, unable to wear nice clothes—no way.

Another was a college grad who thought too highly of himself. A guy in his twenties—what was there to be proud of? He couldn’t even compare to a single hair on Ethan’s head.

Ethan’s family lost everything at fourteen. After a few months of despair, he started studying hard. He passed the SATs at sixteen, got into college at nineteen, and became a federal judge at thirty.

He never bragged about being a star student. Instead, he was modest, saying his talent was ordinary and it was only thanks to Aunt Rachel’s strict supervision that he worked so hard.

You, a mere college grad, putting on airs in front of me, a former judge’s wife.

My mom was so angry she wanted to ground me.

"You’re so picky! This one’s not good, that one’s not worthy—what exactly do you want? You probably want to marry a movie star!"

"I’m furious! I don’t care anymore. If you can’t get married, then don’t!"