Chapter 4: River Death, Spirit Rebirth

Dem beat me till I faint.

Slap land, cane fly. The last thing I remember na heavy hand for my neck. Darkness cover me, like night wey no get moon.

When I wake, na night. My aunt don carry people come drag me go river.

Mosquito dey bite my leg, cold dey my bone. Torches dey shine for my face. Aunt face still get bandage, her eye red. I dey feel say I no be human again.

"Pour water for her body—make this stubborn pikin no die easy!"

Dem dey pour water, my cloth dey soak, my teeth dey shake. Aunt dey command as if say she be Oba wife. The people wey follow am dey fear, but nobody fit talk back.

Her voice no get respect again, na pure vex. After all, na my hairpin spoil her eye.

As e pain her reach bone, she no fit hide am. For Naija, once woman lose eye, her vex no dey get control again.

As I open eye see this, I just calm. I talk only one thing.

I dey look sky, breeze dey blow, but my voice low. For spirit, na only promise dey remain.

I must talk am:

I dey gather my last strength, chest dey pain, but I must talk. Ancestors dey listen for this kind river side.

"Aunt."

I call her name, voice dry. Her body stiffen, she stop for small.

"Ifunanya go dey come see you well well."

I make my voice sharp, like knife. She know say for spirit world, na threat be that. Everybody quiet, dey fear.

Aunt just hiss:

She shake head, spit for ground. The people wey hold me shift back small.

"Good. If you try come back, every time you show, I go kill you again."

She dey swear, dey use mouth strong. For Naija, person wey fit repeat killing for spirit side, e no get fear for anything.

She order make dem throw me inside river.

Her hand wave, people drag me. I dey feel rope tight for my hand and leg.

River dey rush, I don wound well—no hope say I go survive.

Water dey roar for my ear, cold dey enter my bone. My wound dey pain, but my heart dey quiet. I dey accept fate.

But Aunt still fear. She tie my hand and leg, plus one big stone before dem throw me in.

Dem tie old grinding stone for my waist—the one wey mama dey use break pepper—make sure say I no fit float.

For this side, dem dey believe say if pikin fit swim, e fit escape spirit trap. So dem make sure say stone big well, make I no fit surface. Na old tradition, but dem dey fear spirit revenge.

I no fear death.

From when I small, I don dey greet death. E be like old friend. My eye sharp, my body dey cold.

Na this road I plan for this life.

I choose this wahala myself. To see end, to taste pain, to turn fierce spirit. I dey sure of my path.

To born as woman for this kind wicked world, good end hard—na this kind bad death I want.

For this world, woman wey survive, na miracle. But for me, pain dey sweet pass honey. E dey prepare me for the other side.

But I no know why, as the thing reach, my mind dey shake.

I dey feel fear, small small. Even as old spirit, e dey touch me.

Just small remain.

Just a little more—my body dey float between worlds. I dey wish say time fit slow down.

Just small more, maybe I for get happy ending.

If I fit hold on, maybe my wahala go end, I go get rest. But peace still far.

See as e funny.

Spirit wey dey find end, dey fear when the end reach. Na so life be.

I come this life to quick become fierce spirit.

But for river bottom, I dey regret small. I dey wish say maybe I for see one more sunrise. Maybe I for chop Mama akara one last time.

But now, I just dey wish make I stay small—just small more...

My heart dey beg time. I dey look river surface, dey hope say hand go drag me up. But e no happen.

I be evil spirit wey underworld know.

For that darkness, my true self dey show. Underworld people sabi me. My name dey ring for their circle.

I remember, at first, na just normal ghost I wan be, wey go reincarnate.

Long ago, I dey beg for peace. All I want na to come and go, just like every other ghost. But wahala no gree me.

But as I dey die bad bad for every life, my spirit nearly scatter finish.

Na so I dey waka, dey die, dey return, until my soul almost scatter for wind. Na Mama Uduak tell me say e get way.

Mama Uduak talk say my destiny get as e be.

She look me, eye sharp, say, "Your path different. You go choose." For this Naija, when old woman talk say your destiny get as e be, you better listen.

So I choose to waka cross River of Ancestors.

I dey carry all my pain, my memory strong. I cross river, I leave old life, enter new wahala.

After I cross am, I turn evil spirit, carry plenty wahala for mind, fit keep my memory.

Dem dey talk say spirit wey fit hold pain, no go forget—memory go stick like fufu for palm. I dey keep every memory, every pain.

And evil spirit wey die bad nine times for reincarnation—her spirit no go scatter, e go gather bad belle, turn shield.

People dey fear that kind spirit. E dey use pain build shield for next life. Nobody fit break am.

She fit turn real fierce spirit, no go suffer again for next life.

Na that one be the end goal. To get strong, to stop all the pain. Fierce spirit no dey beg anybody.

This road self easy pass.

Compared to the one wey normal people dey do, my own short. To get to number nine, na small hustle.

I don die bad eight times. Okafor Ifunanya na my ninth life.

Na this life na im go decide my final destiny. I dey feel am for bone.

Na me go find shortcut for this last one.

I dey use trick, dey bribe spirit messenger. For Naija, if you no wise, you go suffer pass others.

I bribe one spirit messenger with cowrie, beg am make e help me choose place wey sure say I go die bad.

Cowrie still get power for spirit world. I use am bribe spirit messenger—say, "Abeg, find me wicked house, where death dey waka pass."

E no cheat me. For here, if luck shine, dem for drown me as dem born me.

The spirit no lie. This place get wahala. If to say village people no dull, dem for finish me since.

But I survive, even live thirteen years, almost lose all the wahala I don gather.

Thirteen years na long time for spirit wey dey find quick exit. My pain dey fade, love dey chase away darkness. Sometimes, I dey fear say I go soft.

Papa na pikin from side woman, no be old madam born am. Even him mama and old madam no dey ever agree.

Family palava choke for this side. Old madam dey act like she dey own everybody. Papa mama dey throw side talk, dey curse from far.

So old madam no gree make papa get him own house, just dey lock am inside family compound, dey monitor am.

Dem dey check am, dey count everything wey he do. For this life, if you no get power, na to humble dey save person.

Papa know say fight no go help, so e just dey gentle, no dey talk too much, accept anything.

He dey swallow insult, dey turn face. But na me and mama dey see wetin e dey carry for chest.

Until e get Mama and me.

When love enter, papa change. E dey argue, dey stand up. Family begin dey call am stubborn, but e no care.

E start to argue with old madam, even if dem go call am stubborn and bad pikin.

Dem dey curse, dey talk say e don spoil. But papa dey hold ground.

Even if our own house na just small corner.

Our house dey by back, small window, but na peace dey there. Mama dey sing, papa dey smile. Na small happiness we get, but e enough.

But na real happiness we get then.

For that small room, even if world dey fight us, we dey laugh. Mama dey fry akara, papa dey play ogene. I dey dance, forget spirit wahala.

I sink reach river bottom, let water carry me.

River cold, my body heavy. I dey let water drag me, no fight. I dey ready for next wahala.

I hate.

Hatred dey inside me, black like charcoal. I dey swallow am, let am grow.

I really hate.

No be small one. Na hatred wey fit burn tree. E dey sharp, e dey hot.

As thunder and heavy rain dey fall, I open my eyes small small.

Rain dey beat surface, thunder dey scatter sky. My eye dey open small, spirit light dey shine. Even fish for river dey scatter.

Frog jump, bush fowl quiet. Even river spirit fit fear as I dey waka.

For far, two spirit messengers dey look me, fear catch dem.

Their white cloth dey flutter, their staff dey shake. Dem dey talk for low voice, dey fear my form.

I no send them, I just waka go.

I dey waka, no dey look back. For my mind, I don cross line. Spirit messenger no fit stop me again.

Spirit messengers dey control ghost and evil spirit, but fierce spirit no be their mate.

Even elders for underworld dey run when fierce spirit show. For this life, na fear dey rule.

Dem go dey run now go report.

I see their leg dey shake, dem fit go call higher spirit. I no send them. My mind set.

As I see my scary form, I just laugh.

My laughter dry, e echo for river. Even tree for riverbank bend. For this world, I no fear anything again.

This place no familiar; I no sabi where river carry me go.

I dey look left, right. No landmark, no familiar ground. Na new spirit territory.

But as I dey reason am, I just feel one strong wahala dey pull me.

Wahala dey call my name. E dey drag me like magnet. I fit smell blood for air.

Fierce spirit dey feed on wahala and hate. I just dey like person wey never chop for three days, rush go that side.

My stomach dey turn, my hand dey shake. E dey be like hunger wey dey bite small pikin for night. I dey rush go source.

But as I reach, the feeling just vanish.

For my front, na empty ground. Spirit hunger fade. Confusion dey my mind.

For my front, one small girl dey ground, she don die.

Her eye dey open, leg bend. She dey cold. For this life, many pikin dey die for nothing. My heart pinch small.

I no get plenty, but I see small luck.

Even as I dey fade, I dey thank ancestors say opportunity still dey. For Naija, if chance show, you grab am.

Spirit no fit stay long for world without body. As my spirit dey fade, I waka enter her body like breeze wey pass open window for harmattan.

I dey dive in, like fish wey find river after dry season. My spirit dey settle, my eye dey open for new body.

I promise Papa say I go try be better person.

As I dey settle for body, I dey hear papa voice for my mind. That promise dey ring. My chest dey tight.

But now, nobody deserve peace.

Hatred dey burn again. For this life, anybody wey try me, I go show them fire.