Chapter 8: Big Spender, Small Joy

That afternoon, I sprawl for sofa. I dey stretch leg, dey press phone. The AC dey blow, I dey feel like Lekki big boy.

Sun dey beat my head, sweat dey drip for back, but money dey ginger me.

Time to blow money. I dey reason all those big man movies, but this one na real life. Make I enjoy am!

I spend one hundred times ₦648 for in-game draws—hand nearly break from tapping. My finger dey pain me, but the joy of seeing alert dey sweet me.

...After small time, boredom catch me. E be like say enjoyment too much, e dey tire person. Wetin remain for life?

Game sef dey boring. Wetin next?

I dey scroll phone, dey search for new thrill. Money dey, but joy no dey last.

As usual, I open live stream app, see one babe I dey follow dey online, I click enter. Na one fine babe wey dey always do hair like Tacha. I dey watch, dey wonder how money fit change your online level.

She dey sing, comments dey fly. The chat dey hot, gifts dey fly left and right.

Normally, I go just dey look. But now wey I get money, time to show say I be big spender! I wan let dem know say poverty no dey my dictionary again.

[Don’t Bully the Poor Middle-aged send 99 Sky-piercing Arrows]

That kind virtual gift na only for OBO and co, but I no send!

The babe freeze, then rush shout, "Thank you, Poor Bro, for Sky-piercing Arrows!"

Everybody for the chat dey hail me. Na so e dey start.

See wahala! Who be Poor Bro?

I dey vex—after all this money, na Poor Bro you go call me? E pain me.

Vex enter my body, I comot from the stream. My inbox just dey burst.

Na so all those small boys begin dey toast me for DM. Even the babe drop message.

Streamer: Bro, add me for WhatsApp! 08074396~

I dey look the number, dey reason if e worth am.

Hmph, I don follow you for six months, you never put me for fan group. Now I send small gift, you dey rush me? No shame.

Before money, na ghost I be. Now, e reach, everybody remember say I dey exist.

I hiss, close window, then see another message:

Sharp sharp, notification pop. As money dey show, dem dey show face.

Hello, I be customer service for one elite matchmaking platform. All our members na successful people. We wan recruit correct men like you.

The way dem talk, you go think say na Forbes list I enter.

See, na so dem suppose talk!

I dey nod my head, dey shine teeth for phone like mumu.

I sharp sharp drop my contact.

I no waste time. This kind opportunity, na once e dey come.

Few seconds, person add me.

My phone vibrate. This one no be normal WhatsApp group. Na coded package.

"Oga, welcome! I be your platform rep, dey here to serve you."

She use that smooth customer service voice, you go wan dash her money.

I smile. "How much be membership?"

No time to waste; make I start my big boy journey.

"Monthly: ₦9,999, yearly: ₦99,999, lifetime: promo price, ₦999,999."

As I hear, I just dey calculate the levels. Small money!

Na all?

I dey expect dem to drop millions, but na chicken change.

I wire ₦1,000,000 straight. No time. I transfer make dem know say I dey serious.

Two minutes pass, customer service still dey ‘typing…’

I dey tap table, dey wait. Why dem dey dull?

I para: "Abeg, collect my money quick! I no wan single again!"

I dey imagine my ancestors dey laugh me for village.

Finally, customer service reply: "Oga, abeg, membership fee no dey collect by transfer. Download our app, register, recharge to join."

I dey wonder if na real. Dem no wan collect my money direct? Maybe e mean say na legit platform.

Dem reject my transfer, send me link. I dey see stars, but e dey add small confidence.

I nod, satisfied. If dem no wan chop my money direct, e mean say dem legit!

Na so I rush download, I dey ready for action. I click, download, install. My data dey finish, but who send?

Register quick, recharge. As I dey input details, I dey form correct guy. All my best pictures I upload.

[Recharge successful]

The sound dey sweet for ear. E be like say I win award. Golden member badge land for my profile. I dey feel like big boy. Badge dey shine for profile.

Instantly, chat requests full everywhere:

Na so all the fine girls wey I dey fear before begin rush me. My head dey swell.

[Shasha: Oga, good afternoon, make we know ourselves~]

[Halima: Hi, I be Halima, 21, Master’s, family dey rush me marry, make we connect~]

[Big Pearl Little Pearl Drops on Gold Plate: Fine bobo, your DP too fine, add me!]

Even the names sef, e get as e be. Na so I dey chop attention.

Curious, I click my own DP. Just to confirm, make I know wetin dem dey see.

Still default picture. How she take know say I fine?

Na so I dey wonder. Na only for Naija babe fit dey see fine boy from default.

Hmm, maybe na sixth sense!

Abi she dey see vision?