Chapter 3: Cold Rooms, Closed Doors

I no know say Sulaiman no even want marry me at all.

All the while, I dey think say na just shyness. But the cold wey follow me enter house, I never see that kind before.

After I enter, he never show me good face.

For parlour, if I greet am, he no answer. If I try talk, he waka go room. My new in-laws dey look me like say na my fault.

He no dey allow me touch am, talk less of share room.

One night, as I try enter with food, he shout, "No come near me!" I shame, drop food for kitchen, cry for bathroom.

Our wedding night, he vex for me inside bridal room.

He no let me sit for bed. I sit edge, he stand window, headphones for ear.

"Go away."

He talk am without look my face. My body cold, hands dey shake.

"No dey my room."

I try explain say I be him wife, but he raise hand, "Go out, abeg."

"Get out. Just get out."

I carry wrapper, waka commot, heart dey beat like drum. Shame dey burn my skin.

Shame catch me, I bow head, wahala full my mind.

For corridor, I kneel, beg God make my life better. I no sleep that night, just dey count ceiling.

That day, Baba Okoye come meet me.

Early morning, Baba Okoye enter room, see me with swollen eyes. He sigh, sit beside me, voice soft.

He say Sulaiman always dey keep to himself since small, no like people. "E get as e be," Baba talk.

The aunty wey dey take care of Sulaiman before don die, so condition worse. "Na only music dey calm am. Dem say Sulaiman na ogbanje, or maybe jazz dey worry am, but na only music dey calm am."

He beg me make I get patience, give Sulaiman time small. "Amina, abeg, just try. E go better." I nod, even though hope small.

I gree say I go try. If na me, I go want person to give me chance.

From then, I begin take care of Sulaiman, dey run between school and Okoye house. I dey hustle degree for UNILAG, still dey manage house. Early morning, I cook, arrange kitchen. Before class, I check Sulaiman medicine, put note to remind am.

I go remind am to take medicine, carry am go checkup, arrange food and clothes. Some days, I drag Sulaiman health centre, gist with nurse. If he forget to eat, I cook jollof, beg am. I wash, iron, arrange shoes.

Thank God say Sulaiman no too stubborn, he begin acknowledge me small small.

He go nod, collect food, talk thank you sometimes. My heart dey do small dance anytime he smile for me.

Like, he no dey tell me "get out" again.

Na big progress. I dey thank God say Sulaiman dey try.

If he see me sleep for sofa, he go awkwardly cover me with wrapper.

First day I open eye see wrapper, I almost cry. Small thing, but e sweet me.

And when period pain catch me, he go make hot water for me.

I no fit forget that night. Pain dey catch me, I dey groan. Next thing, Sulaiman waka come, give me flask of hot water, drop painkiller, waka commot. Even if e no talk, I know say e dey try.

But still, he no ever share room with me. Every night, door dey close. My own shadow na my only companion.

Okoye family only get one male pikin; na only Sulaiman be their hope. Every meeting, elders talk, "Our only son o!" My mother-in-law dey look me with question for eye. "Amina, when you go born?"

Baba Okoye dey always find way to see great-grandson, he don disturb me tire. "Amina, we dey wait for pikin o," he go whisper every month. My body dey hot, but I no fit talk the whole truth.

But for this kind thing, if him no gree, nothing I fit do. I just dey pray make God touch am.

At last, for the fifth year, Baba Okoye no fit wait again. I notice say Baba dey restless. He call doctor friend, ask questions. My heart dey fear.

Without tell me, he give Sulaiman medicine. Baba put small drug for Sulaiman food, talk say na supplement. I no suspect.

Then carry Sulaiman come my bed. One night, Baba drag Sulaiman enter my room, lock door from outside, key dey jingle. My heart dey beat.

Lock bedroom door, leave us inside. Sulaiman dey confused, eye red. I try talk, but e no answer. I no fit run, I just dey tremble.

That night I no go ever forget.

Pain. Na only pain I fit remember.

Sulaiman hand rough, him body heavy. I dey beg, tears full my face, but e no even hear me. For my mind, I dey pray make morning quick come.

The medicine dey control am, eye dull, na only instinct dey move am. E just dey act like say e no dey this world. No feeling, no talk, just movement.

He no get experience, hand rough. The way e dey touch me, I feel like say e dey fight with my body. I bite lip, dey count ceiling.

I feel like say dem dey tear me, the pain too much, tears just dey drop. I no fit shout, I just dey cry silent. Even neighbours no hear me. Pillow soak, spirit break.

Before morning, I no fit hold am again, I faint.

As day break, my body weak, I blank. I wake for hospital bed, IV for hand, nurse dey ask question. Shame and pain dey drag my heart.

The next day, na sound of things wey dem dey break wake me up. Ear dey buzz, I hear crash from parlour. I drag myself stand, leg dey shake.

Sulaiman dey craze. Him eye red, body dey sweat. He dey throw things, shout, curse. Everybody dey fear am.

He break my phone, scatter TV, table, chair. Everywhere don scatter. TV remote for dustbin. I just dey look, head dey spin.

When he see say I don wake, he waka come, hold mirror for hand. He force me look myself, mirror almost fall from hand. Mouth open, no word come out.

The mirror show how I look. Eyes swell, face scratch, body full bruise. Na my body, but e be like stranger.

I never even wear cloth, body full of red mark and bruise. I dey shiver, hands cover chest. Tears just rush.

He point me for mirror, eye full of serious disgust. Sulaiman hiss, face hard. "I hate you." For my chest, na empty drum remain.

He turn, waka commot. Door slam, echo dey ring for my ear. For that cold floor, I swear for my chest—no be here my story go end.