Chapter 5: The Climb and the Fall

Was he about to tell me he and Savannah were true love? I frowned, but he changed the subject: "For most people, love is just the result of dopamine, adrenaline, noradrenaline, endorphins, and other chemicals making you feel something for someone."

I watched him quietly, then interrupted, "If you want to talk about your feelings for Savannah, don’t. I’m not interested."

He smiled bitterly, his eyes filled with sorrow. "But the body can’t always produce those hormones. So feelings based on them eventually fade. Before that happens, I can’t refuse Savannah."

I remembered all our good times and held back from kicking him.

I sneered, "So you’re saying you can’t refuse Savannah because of those chemicals?"

He hesitated. As I turned to leave, I heard him say, "I can’t refuse her requests."

Finally, he said, "Erin, I’m in pain."

His voice was so low I almost missed it. For the first time, I saw something break in his expression—a kind of desperation I’d never seen before.

Back then, all these details suddenly flooded my mind. When he said he was in pain, it was the first time I’d seen him so vulnerable. He’d always been my protector. I thought his pain came from guilt over his changing heart. Matt had always held himself to strict moral standards—he probably never thought he’d fall out of love.

But he did.

Looking back now... if what Rachel said was true—if Savannah really used some power to make Matt love her—then his pain makes sense. Forced by something external, he betrayed me, felt a chemical love for someone he didn’t really like. He didn’t know why, just thought he’d suddenly fallen for someone else. He couldn’t refuse Savannah’s requests. For someone as proud as him, that must have been torture.

I remembered the way he used to talk about integrity, how he’d never cheat on a test or skip a practice. He once told me, "If I ever hurt you, it wouldn’t be because I wanted to." At the time, I thought it was just sweet talk. Now, it felt like a warning I’d missed.

For some reason, I remembered something else. It was the second month after our breakup. At the school track meet, I signed up for the 800-meter relay. By chance, Savannah and I were both the last runners in our heats.

Matt stood by the track, still cool and handsome, but thinner, his brows furrowed. He didn’t look like someone enjoying a new romance. His gaze lingered on me.

Then Savannah walked over, looked at me, then put her foot in front of Matt and said, almost bossily, "Matt, check my shoelaces."

He frowned and said coldly, "Check them yourself."

Savannah pouted and insisted, "No, I want you to check."

I looked up and met Matt’s gaze. He frowned even more. The next second, I saw him mouth to me, "Don’t look."

Then he slowly knelt on one knee before Savannah.

My breath caught, cold air stabbing my chest. Matt had tied my shoelaces many times, always gentle and caring. But now, kneeling for someone else—yet it didn’t look like a lover’s gesture. His expression made me feel he was being humiliated.

But if he didn’t want to, who could force him?

I walked back to my dorm, lost in thought, until Casey hugged me and snapped me out of it. I put aside what Rachel had said.

I joined a rock climbing club with Casey. That night, we went to a club dinner. The president had an announcement.