Chapter 3: If You No Gree, Dem Go Ride You

Kamsi dey paint her lips that time.

She dey use mirror, blend her lip gloss. The light for room dey shine for her face. For hostel, girls dey always ready, even early morning. The scent of her roll-on dey mix with faint smell of indomie from last night.

One minute later, she answer me with one lazy voice:

She just hiss, roll eye, continue with her makeup. "E no concern me." For her mind, she don sideline the matter. Her voice flat, as if my problem na ordinary mosquito for ear.

"No mistake there. Na you dem pick. Abeg, run well, make you no shame our class."

Her mouth sharp. I wan vex, but I hold am. For Naija, some people sabi dodge responsibility with swag. Her own style na to give you reply wey go pain you, then return to her makeup.

I ask my other two roommates to confirm, but dem just deny am sharp sharp.

Dem dey form innocence. Chika just adjust her scarf, look away. Nnenna plug earpiece, dey tap phone. Nobody wan carry class wahala for head. For hostel, once wahala dey, everybody go find corner hide.

"Yesterday na you dem pick. Just go do am."

Chika voice dey cold. She no wan enter beef. "No dey drag us inside, abeg."

"If you dodge am on purpose, na wahala."

Nnenna chip in, voice low. For Naija, people dey fear authority reach, so dem dey always warn you make you no cross line.

"You know say once dem write your name for black book—your gist go spread for department. Just try run am."

Everybody dey give advice wey dey suit them. For their mind, if I run am, dem go rest. If I no run, wahala fit reach all of us. Na so hostel gist dey spread.

I just wan laugh from vex.

I nearly burst laugh. E pain me, but the thing funny. I dey ask myself: na so life hard reach? Person dey recover from surgery, dem dey talk about record. For Naija, sometimes, wahala dey make you laugh.

Person wey just remove appendix, you wan make am run 800 meters? No be attempt to kill person be that?

I dey imagine as I go fall for track, carry bandage for hand. If dem ask me, I go just reply, "Na una send me, abi?" Even my ancestors go reason am.

Physical test get value, but life dey more important abeg.

For my mind, I dey quote my mama: "Body no be firewood." E no make sense to risk my life because of test. Who dey alive dey write exam?

Class prefect just wan use me cover for the class committee—make I run am for her sake.

I dey see through the plan. Musa and Kamsi dey run things. Na sharp guy and sharp babe. Any small chance, dem go do exchange, make e no affect their clique. For Naija, connection dey everywhere—even for classroom.

But I no be scapegoat.

As I dey think am, I swear for my mind—this scapegoat work no go fit me. I rather chop query than make person use me wipe ground.