Chapter 4: Madam Okocha No Dey Gree

Early morning,

Light don break small. I brush, dress up, carry file, waka go academic block. The air dey cool, early sun dey shine. Some students dey jog for field, others dey gist for corridor. The smell of akara and pap from Mama Chidinma kiosk dey enter hostel, but my belly no even move. I gather courage, ready myself for battle.

I rush go meet our course adviser.

Madam Okocha, she dey inside office, glasses for nose, dey mark script. The place smell like biro ink and old books. I greet am, kneel small—Naija way to show respect.

I explain say I just remove appendix, so I no fit run 800 meters at all.

I talk my story from beginning to end, show am my wound, flash discharge paper. I dey hope say her heart go soft. For my mind, I dey beg God, make her heart no hard like garri wey soak since morning. My eye red, voice low—make she see say my matter serious.

But the adviser just call me three times, begin shout say I dey selfish, I no dey cooperate, always dey find excuse.

She drop pen, adjust glasses, point finger. Her voice loud, echo for small office. "You! You! You! Seyi, why you dey always find wahala? You think say life easy for others?" For Naija, elder fit shout for you, make other people hear.

"Class prefect don already tell me your matter, Seyi. Na lottery dem use, everything fair and open. If you no cooperate with class committee, na your own problem."

She talk am like law. For Naija, once elder side one person, e dey hard to change am. She dey form impartial, but e clear say Musa don gist her well.

"If our class fail the test and school pass rate drop, na you go carry the blame."

Her voice heavy. As she talk, I dey imagine myself for front of principal, dey write apology letter. Naija lecturers sabi use fear control student.

"No dey use all this your small small trick. Nine out of ten students wey dey ask for leave go talk say na appendix removal. That excuse don tire me."

She hiss, fold hand. For Naija, once one excuse trend, authority dey suspect everybody. Even if your own na true, dem no dey quick believe.

I sharply snap picture of my hospital discharge paper, send am give her.

I open my phone, scroll gallery, send am sharp sharp. The paper even get hospital logo, date, and stamp. I pray say e go touch her heart.

She still no gree.

Her reply short: "I don see that type before." For Naija, sometimes nothing fit change elder mind.

"I don see that photo tire. No think say you go use am dodge this test."

She dey wave hand, as if e no mean anything. I dey vex, but I swallow am. Na only God go judge this woman.

"School dey take this test serious. No last-minute leave for any reason."

She add, "If you faint for field, at least you try." Na so Naija authority dey talk, like say na small matter. I just dey boil.

My vex dey reach boiling point.

My ear dey hot. I dey think make I storm out, but I just stand dey breathe heavy. My mind dey tell me, "No gree for anybody today."

This adviser na iron lady—if you want her to approve leave, you need chief surgeon handwritten signature from teaching hospital join am.

Everybody for department sabi Madam Okocha. If you no get letter from General Hospital, you dey on your own. I just dey thank God say I survive my surgery for private clinic—if to say I wait for approval, story for change.

When my appendix pain start, I just rush go private clinic. If I wait for her approval, maybe I for don die.

I still dey thank my stars say my uncle sabi person for that clinic. Na only God save me. I no even fit imagine waiting for approval letter while appendix dey burst.

Since the adviser side don block, I no get choice than to expose class prefect for group chat.

I vex reach hostel, plug phone, ready for online battle. Na so I open group, type sharp sharp. For Naija, if person dey oppress you, you sef go carry your matter reach public.

"Musa, abeg, no use me do scapegoat. Na yesterday Kamsi number dey list. Wetin happen overnight?"

I dey shake small as I press send, but my spirit dey high. If dem wan play politics, I go carry am reach group.

Two minutes later, Musa drop one picture for group chat.

The picture na low quality—e be like person snap am for torchlight. My eye dey pain me to read am, but I focus well.

Na one tattered paper, with 0089 write for am like say person dey learn how to write.

I dey laugh. The handwriting rough, even the ink dey smudge. If dem wan forge, dem for try small. Naija students sabi do things anyhow when e suit them.

Clear say na afterthought, no proof say na yesterday dem pick am.

No date, no signature, nothing. Na just random number for paper. I post eye-rolling emoji. For Naija group chat, once person drop fake evidence, everybody dey catch cruise.

But class prefect still dey make mouth:

Musa just dey claim innocence. E dey talk big. For group, everybody dey watch, dey wait for drama.

"Number pick at random, everything fair. If you get wahala, message me for private."

I dey laugh. For Naija, once person dey hide for private, e mean say something dey fishy. I reply for group—make e clear.

Class committee Kamsi rush add mouth:

She no wan make matter spoil. As Musa girl, she dey try balance her side. Her text dey soft, but e dey carry weight.

"Na one of the few chances to help class. Abeg, cooperate with us."

I dey imagine her dey type, face squeezed, voice sweet but sharp. She fit even dey form sad face for hostel, dey hope say people go pity her.

Switching her number to mine for night—na real cruise.

I dey imagine how dem go dey reason am for room: "Abeg, swap am. Make e run for me, I go buy you Gala." For Naija, connection dey work everywhere.

This kain thing fit trend for Twitter.

If person yarn am for Twitter, Naija people go carry am trend, add hashtag. Everybody go drop their own gist about class wahala and committee people.