Chapter 5: All of Us Go Chop

As I see class committee dey shout "cooperate" for group, I just dey laugh and vex at the same time.

I dey shake my head, dey chuckle for hostel. The thing dey pain me, but e dey funny. All of us dey suffer, but na some people dey enjoy pass others. For Naija, sometimes laugh na only solution.

Beginning of semester, class prefect and class committee skip class together—even forget to assign group assignment.

Everybody still remember that fateful day. Dem dey gist for canteen, dey chop suya, forget assignment. Lecturer vex, carry am for mind. Since then, wahala no gree leave our class.

Lecturer vex scatter, blast all of us say we no get respect.

The man nearly burst vein for neck. E shout say we be "future disappointment". Some people record am, post for WhatsApp status. The embarrassment choke.

Since then, na only our class he dey always call roll—every other class, he no send.

Other departments dey laugh us. "See them, the black sheep." The roll call dey always long, person go dey sweat even before lecture start.

And the man class na always 8 a.m.

Omo, 8 a.m. na punishment for Naija student. If you miss bus, you fit trek go class. Some people dey sleep for class because of that early call.

People wey dey suffer 8 a.m. class, their bitterness fit cause riot.

The anger still dey body. Some people dey plan strike, others dey form group chat to complain. Everybody dey para.

After that, class prefect play victim, promise us:

Musa do group apology. E even say e go buy soft drink for class next time. Na so everybody forgive am—temporary.

"Na my first time forget assignment. I go change, I swear."

We all know say e dey yarn. For Naija, apology dey cheap, change dey hard.

Na so so talk. The change last only two months.

After two months, e return to old ways. Assignment dey lost, people dey cover up. Nobody send anybody again.

Luckily, the Google Form for group still dey. I check edit history, snap screenshot of the 2 a.m. edit, post for group.

I dig deep, check the log. As I see the timestamp, I just dey laugh. I snap am, post for group. For Naija, if you wan catch thief, evidence dey help.

"Class prefect, yesterday na 0088 dem pick, wey be Kamsi. How e take change to my number overnight? Excel fit dey do magic on its own?"

As I drop am, people dey reply with "lmao", "see cruise", "wahala dey o". The matter dey hot. Naija group chat dey always sweet when fight dey.

Class prefect no even shake:

Musa just dey reply like politician. E dey dodge question, dey use big grammar.

"Kamsi na class committee. She work yesterday, dey help people. So the number shift back by one."

If to say I no know better, I for believe am. But for Naija, once person dey cover another, excuse go plenty.

She work so tey number shift? Abeg, make person hear word.

Everybody for group dey reply with meme. Even one guy drop, "Abeg, carry this lie go market." The cruise dey too much.

Yesterday, class committee spend whole day dey flex—snap picture, post for WhatsApp status.

I remember Kamsi post am and Musa for eatery, dey laugh, dey chop. Even put caption, "Soft life." Now she dey claim work dey keep am busy.

I just post her couple photo with class prefect for group.

I scroll, pick the best picture, post am with caption, "Busy with class work? Abi busy with love work?" The group burst with laughter emoji.

"Class committee dey busy with class work, but still get time go flex with class prefect."

As I type am, I dey imagine their face for hostel. E go be like person wey chop bitterleaf soup without meat.

"Dem say na she dem pick for test, but suddenly she too busy?"

I dey hammer the point, make everybody see say dem dey play us. For Naija, if you no call out oppression, e go continue.

I sure say dem no expect me to post the photo like that—class committee just vex, begin type anyhow for group:

You go see long message, plenty capital letter, even voice note. "Why you dey post private photo?" "This one no make sense!" The drama dey sweet me.

"List don go already. E no fit change. If you no show, na your own wahala."

As usual, e end with threat. For Naija, dem dey use am close argument.