Chapter 2: Bags, Bank Alerts, and Big Accusations

I just returned from shopping.

Port Harcourt sun dey hot that day. I use wrapper take cover my face small, but sweat still dey drop for my neck. My bag dey heavy, I dey hope say Ifedike no go start wahala as I dey enter.

As soon as I entered, I saw Ifedike sitting on the sofa.

He cross leg, one hand for remote, face straight like landlord wey dey expect rent. I sabi that look; something dey his mind.

He looked up at me. “Where did you go?”

His tone na that kind one wey person dey use for house help wey never sweep.

I shook the shopping bag in my hand. “I went to the market. Bought some things.”

I try use soft voice, dey dodge fight. My bag na original leather, but I just shake am like say na tomatoes full inside.

He frowned. “Market again? The house help said you just bought plenty things yesterday.”

He don dey keep record with the maid. Na wa o. Husband wey dey calculate tomatoes, this one don pass marriage.

“I see what Chuka and the others said is true—you really like money too much, always chasing after material things...”

He shake head, like old man wey dey judge children for compound.

He paused suddenly, his eyes landing on the Guno bag I was carrying.

As his eye land on that bag, e be like say him blood pressure increase.

That one na real luxury brand; any small thing there is over a million naira.

For Port Harcourt, no be every day you dey see Guno bag. Even madam for Shell no dey carry that one anyhow.

“Ifunanya, you actually bought a Guno bag? Where did you get the money for that?”

He voice shake small. E shock am. E still dey try form strong man.

I blinked like say I no know anything. “Husband, from the money you dey give me every month.”

I give am my most innocent face, put hand for chest like say na me be Mary from Bible.

He vexed. “No be me dey give you the money? ₦20,000 a month—what can you do with that?”

He voice dey rise, but I dey cool. No wahala, Oga.

I looked at him. “But you talk before say ₦20,000 a month is enough.”

“If you feel say ₦20,000 is too small, why you dey accuse me of loving money?”

Na logic wey dem teach me for school. E shock am, e mouth hang like person wey see NEPA bring light for midnight.

Ifedike realised he don talk himself into a corner and just kept quiet.

Na that time silence dey heavy pass generator noise. I just face my front, dey arrange my shopping.

Just then, his phone ring.

He looked at me, quickly picked the call, and walked out.

As e waka comot, the silence for parlour heavy, like rain wey refuse to fall. I just dey look door, dey wonder if na so marriage dey spoil.

I went back to my room.

I lock door, drop my bag, even take small cold water to cool my mind. Na that kind day wey you need to check yourself for mirror before you talk again.

Ifedike’s good friend Chuka messaged me:

[Ifunanya, did you enjoy your shopping today?]

Him message enter like person wey dey knock for backyard—sharp sharp.

[Do you still have enough money?]

I wan reply, but I just pause, dey look the chat. No be this same Chuka dey talk say I be gold digger?

Before I fit reply, Chuka quickly deleted the message: [Do you still have enough money?]

E con delete am fast-fast. Omo, na real sharp guy.

The next moment, I got a bank alert: two million naira entered my account.

Phone vibrate, heart skip—na so alert dey sweet pass text from lover. My phone vibrate, bank alert flash, I just look the figure. Two million naira—if person see that kind money for dream, e go wake praise God.

That’s right.

Correct man no dey ask woman if she get enough money—he go just send am.

For this one, Ifedike’s friends really pass am.

You see life? Dem dey call you gold digger, but dem no dey use shovel—dem dey use bulldozer. Sometimes, na the same people wey dey talk pass dey do pass. Na wetin elder dey call see-finish.