Chapter 3: Jollof, Jealousy, and Judgement

I think say me and Tobi dey date.

All the signs dey. Na so e dey start with other people. Na me and am dey do everything together, na so I reason am for my heart.

After all, everything wey couples dey do, we dey do am.

E no get wetin normal boyfriend and girlfriend dey do wey we never do before. I even dey keep some of our chats for my phone, dey read am if night cold.

We dey chop together, go out, hang with friends, and for truth-or-dare, we dey kiss for mouth, talk “I love you.”

Even my friends dey ask me if we don finally agree say we dey. I just dey smile, dey dodge question. Inside my mind, I think say na relationship.

If rain dey fall, na Tobi dey come pick me, drop me for work.

If traffic hold me for Lekki, na him car I dey enter. Him go buy gala for road, dey tease me say na only me dey collect VIP drop-off for his life.

For family dinner, e go dey hold my hand under table.

Sometimes, if my leg dey shake under table, na him dey press am gently, give me wink. All these things dey sweet me.

I no know say the half year wey I think say we dey date, na just play-play e be for am.

E pain me say na now I dey realize. My own na mumu love.

“Kamsi.” Mummy knock my car window, look me with worry.

I jump, clean tears quick. The way her face dey, I sabi say she don notice.

Na so I come back to myself.

I try smile, but my heart still dey heavy. The way mummy dey look me, her eyebrow raise, I know say she wan ask wetin dey sup.

As I see my face wey tears don wash for rearview mirror, I quickly wipe am, come down from car.

I sniff, press powder for my face, then step out. Sun for afternoon dey hot, e help dry my tears.

“Mummy.” I no want make she see say I dey sad, so I just hug her, smile. “I miss you.”

I press my face for her shoulder, inhale the smell of onions and small perfume. Na so tears nearly fall again, but I hold am.

Mummy hold market bag for one hand, my arm for the other, relief show for her face:

She squeeze my hand, shake head like person wey wan cry.

“Why you dey sit for car since, no come inside? You wan scare me? You no hear say people dey suffocate for car these days...”

She talk am, her voice dey rise small, typical mummy style. She dey pretend vex, but na love dey hide under.

I just nod.

I nod, fake smile. I no get strength to talk too much.

Suddenly, Mummy change topic: “Kamsi, ehm... Tobi blind date dey come soon. Your Uncle Tunde and Aunty Bisi really put body for this one. I hear say Tobi don dey plan everything since. He talk say he dey fear the girl go feel awkward, but if you dey there, she go relax.”

She dey talk am like na normal thing, but I know say she dey try console me.

“I and your Aunty Bisi don be friends for many years, today...”

Mummy look me, words hang for her mouth.

I see say she dey pity me, but she no wan talk am too much make I no break down.

I force smile. “No worry, Mummy. I sabi how to ginger people, I go talk well.”

I use my playful voice. Na so I take cover the pain.

Mummy look me with pity.

Her eye red, she squeeze my hand again. She sabi say all is not well, but she no want open wound.

True true, Tobi and my picture dey by my bed.

I remember all the times I print those photos, arrange am for my bedside, write small note for back. My room na Tobi museum.

All the gifts wey he give me, I dey keep am like gold, not to talk of my notebook wey full with my raw feelings for am.

I dey write poem about his laugh, his walk, even the way he dey snore for midnight. My love just dey scatter everywhere.

How Mummy no go know?

She sabi. Na why her face dey soft when she look me.

We waka go house, no talk. As I wan open door, I just talk:

The compound quiet, only generator dey hum for corner. The way we walk together, e be like old film.

“Daddy dey retire next month. Make we move go Uyo.”

I yarn am sharp, like say I dey find new life.

As Mummy face shock, I smile, hold her arm, act like pikin:

I try lighten the mood. I rest my head for her shoulder, do as if na joke.

“No be you dey always talk say you wan retire there? Me, I no get big dream. If I fit teach dance, dey with you, e dey okay for me.”

I talk am like say na play, but inside my heart, I dey beg make you gree.