Chapter 1: Hostel Cruise and Old Wounds

When I dey video call my boyfriend, na so him roommates just start to make noise say dem wan see me.

Dem just dey shout, some dey form voice like say na real townhall meeting. One even clap hand for background, another one dey tap Sola shoulder, dey beg am make he show them the babe. Na so university hostel dey be—if person wan get peace, e go need go library hide.

I just dey smile small small, before I know, person don snatch my phone.

My mouth open, I for talk but my voice just hang. If na my area for Lagos, I for don use style block the camera, but here everybody dey play anyhow, even if dem no know person.

One playful voice come talk:

"Abeg, no dey hide am—make we see how our wife resemble!"

The guy voice sharp, na the type wey go dey call person 'madam' for fun. All of dem dey huddle for the phone, make sure say my face clear for camera. Na their own way to show say dem dey accept me join group, but me I just dey shy.

Next thing, na my ex-boyfriend face I see for screen—the same person wey our breakup no good at all.

As I see am, my heart just skip. For that moment, even breeze for window no fit blow reach my body. If to say na Nollywood, na that kind dramatic soundtrack go enter. Sola just dey use style move phone anyhow, everybody dey look reaction.

The smile for him face just fade. After e pause for long, he drag him mouth small, come talk:

"Chai."

The silence wey come with that 'chai' heavy like when NEPA take light for night. All the small small noise from boys stop, and na only my own heartbeat I fit hear.

As he bend down, the star pendant for the silver chain wey dey him neck brush pass the camera.

Even the way the pendant just flash for screen, e carry memory come back like rain for harmattan. My chest tight, I for swallow spit but my throat just dry. All the small laughter for room just die down.

My breath just hang for throat as I see him face well.

I for talk, but words no gree come out. I dey feel as if na spirit I dey see. The way light for hostel dey flash for his face, e make everywhere dey slow.

Sweat dey drop for Chijioke sharp jaw, disappear enter the open neck of him basketball jersey. He just dey look the screen, shock for like two seconds, him eyes dey shake anyhow.

That sweat no be just from heat, e get as e be—person wey play ball wey lose, or na from something deep for belle. Him face just dey heavy, like say wahala full am.

"...Chai."

As e repeat am, e sound like prayer and regret join. The room even quiet pass before. If na my mama dey here, she for don shout say make dem off the call.

Next thing, the phone fly commot, screen go black for one second, before dem quick pick am again. Sola hold the phone, dey vex:

My mind dey rush, but before I fit talk, Sola don already grab the phone. For him eye, na play but I sabi say inside body e dey protect me.

"Wetin dey worry you now?"

Chijioke pause, then hiss:

Even the way Chijioke take hiss na real street boy style, long and full of pride. Na so boys dey form tough when dem pain reach bone.

"Your taste no pure."

The thing wey surprise me na as boys dey talk as if na small beef. For hostel like this, nobody dey carry girl matter for head, na play dem dey play, but this one get small bitterness.

Sola, wey dey gentle before, just vex, reply am cold:

Sola voice come strong, e set face like person wey wan enter debate. Him pride for me no get part two.

"My babe na correct person. Abeg, no talk rubbish."

Another boy join mouth, e voice sharp:

"Na true o! Wife fine die. I swear, she fine pass that babe for English Department. Chijioke, you sure say your eyes dey okay?"

Everybody begin compare as if na beauty contest, but I just dey laugh inside my mind. If dem see me for real, dem go just know say na ordinary girl I be.

"If na me get babe like this, I fit chop indomie and dodo for three years straight."

All of dem start to hail and exaggerate, na so boys dey do when dem dey whine themselves.

"Abeg, shift! I go chop am for ten years—"

Na so laughter burst everywhere, one even knock another person head. Small time, another one shout, "Sola, abeg, hide am o, before we snatch am from you!" Dem just dey catch cruise. I just dey hide my face, dey smile.

Everybody for the hostel just burst laugh dey play, but Chijioke no talk again.

From the background, I hear person shout, "Abeg, give us peace—una don dey fall our hand with all this love matter!" Another person start to whistle, dem dey try change topic.

Sola pick the phone, talk: "Sorry, Star-girl, maybe na because he lose basketball today, him mood no sweet."

The way Sola call me 'Star-girl' sef, e sweet me. I sabi say boys dey use nickname hold their babe, sometimes for fun, sometimes to show say na their own.

One grumpy voice from back talk: "I win o. I win with 20 points."

From the way the voice bend, you go know say na pride full the matter, even though nobody really dey keep proper record for hostel ball match.

Sola face no change: "Then your brain dey do you one kind. Star-girl, I go come carry you go chop this evening."

As he talk that one, the room come scatter again. Some dey hail, some dey beg make he buy them suya join. Na so uni hostel life dey sweet, everybody dey form one family.

…

After I end the call, I just lie down for my bed. The afternoon sun for June dey shine too much, so I use my hand cover my eyes.

I hear sound of generator far, neighbor pikin dey shout for compound. The smell of kerosene from the stove next door just dey float enter my room, plus the small hum of mosquito for ear. Everywhere just dey vibrate with heat and memory. My hand dey hot, but I no wan move.

E don reach three years since I last see Chijioke.

Na only God know wetin I for do if I see am for real life. Three years na long time for heart wey dey grow. Sometimes e go feel near, sometimes e go far like night bus from Lagos to Kaduna.

I no believe say he still dey wear that star necklace wey I give am.

My mind just dey turn like agbalumo seed inside mouth. That small pendant, e no too cost, but the meaning heavy. For him neck, e shine like say na gold, but na only we two sabi the story.

That cheap small thing. I still remember say na just 3,500 naira, then the couple own get 50% off, na just 1,750 naira remain. My own self, I no even know where e waka go since.

The day I buy am, na my last pocket money I use. E sweet me that time, even though I no get anything again for wallet. As I remember now, I just dey laugh myself.

Him no too change, but at the same time, e be like say he don change well. Na the same face, but after he don mature, e sharp pass before—like diamond wey dem cut more, the wild for him eyes and eyebrow no dey hide again.

Now if person see am, dem go say, "Ah, Chijioke don turn man!" That boyish face don get small hard edge. Na experience dey show for him body, but na still my old Chijioke dey inside.

Suddenly, I remember three years ago, just before WAEC.

As if film dey rewind for my head, all the old gist and wahala come back. Na the same time NEPA dey do anyhow, mosquito full room, but love no dey let person sleep.

Chijioke still wear basketball jersey, stand for under my house, eyes red, dey beg me.

E no fit enter inside because my papa dey parlor. He just dey ground, dey tap foot, dey look up as if hope go fall from my window. E dey try form hard guy, but e no fit hide the beg for him eye.

"From today, anything you talk, I go do. If you no want make I see her, I no go near am again."

Chijioke voice dey rush, like say e dey fear time go finish before I change mind. You know those kind plead wey e get urgency, as if rain wan fall.

"We agree say we go enter the same university—"

Him voice don crack, and for the dark, small light dey shine for him eyes: "As long as we no break up, anything you want, I go do, abeg."

I fit see the small hope wey still dey inside him, like candle wey never die finish. Even for the darkness, e dey wait make I talk better thing.

He look so pitiful, e be like say he wan kneel down beg me.

E almost bend knee, but e just grip bag for hand. If to say na in front of elders, dem for say love dey make person do mumu thing.

But I just look am for face, no talk, then I talk softly:

I bite my lip, my mind dey fight my mouth, but I gats talk am. My mouth dey heavy, but I just talk am slow, as if I dey use knife cut yam.

"Chijioke, I don change my choice."

E shock, e eye wide like say NEPA just bring light.

"I no dey go Ibadan University again."

The moment heavy, na only night breeze dey blow. E no talk, na so I waka enter house, leave am for compound. That night, my heart dey shake like e wan fall, but my face no show anything.