Chapter 5: Out in the Cold

So that’s how it is, huh? Fiancée, secret makeouts, the whole works. That’s rich. Well, more power to them.

Back at my dorm, I chucked the body pillow to the far end of the bed, ordering a new one with next-day shipping—gotta love living near an Amazon warehouse. By nightfall, a fresh, untouched pillow was waiting for me.

The poor cat pillow was left in the shadows, all alone.

When I curled up to sleep, Caleb’s inner voice sounded so small and sad:

[Nat didn’t hug me.]

I rolled my eyes, pulled the blanket over my head, and forced myself to sleep.

But that night, I was woken up over and over by the same, heartbroken refrain—[Nat didn’t hug me]—until finally, in the dead of night, I caved. I reached over and pinched the cat pillow hard. From somewhere, a muffled groan floated back, and the voices stopped.

The next morning, the campus group chat exploded with gossip:

“Did you hear? Caleb Foster’s got a fiancée—Jessica from Art School!”

“Someone saw them kissing on campus!”

Tanya was wide-eyed as she handed me her phone, showing me the post. I scrolled, my face blank.

“From now on, anything about Caleb Foster has nothing to do with me.”

Tanya sighed, trying not to look too disappointed, but I could feel her eyes following me as I walked away.

At lunch, I ran into Caleb. He sat down across from me, but I didn’t even acknowledge him. I just grabbed my tray and left, letting the awkwardness hang in the air.

A flicker of pain flashed across his perfect face, gone almost before I could register it.

[Nat ignored me.]

[What’s wrong with her?]

[Did I upset her?]

[Is she mad at me?]

I didn’t answer. I just kept walking, the dining hall buzzing behind me.

---

After that, I saw Caleb everywhere—on the quad, at the gym, passing in the halls. Every time, his inner voice brushed past me, so lonely and desperate I almost felt bad for him.

[Nat, please talk to me.]

One night, his FaceTime rang again. I ignored the first call, but when it came a second time, I finally picked up.

“What is it?” I said, voice cold as dry ice.

Caleb’s face was as closed off as ever. “I heard from the magazine club president you’re supposed to interview me. If you need my help, you can come find me.”

“Oh.” My tone was flat. I didn’t agree, but I didn’t say no either.

[Nat is really mad.]

[Did she misunderstand about Jessica and me?]

My gaze flickered, reading the worry on his face.

Caleb hesitated, then started: “Natalie, I want to clear something up. There’s nothing between me and Jessica. Our families are friends, but I’m not getting engaged to her. That kissing rumor? Total misunderstanding. She tripped and grabbed me, but I didn’t let her get close.”

[It’s true! That girl tried to kiss me! She thought I didn’t know what she was up to? So gross! I pushed her away right away!]

[Nat, don’t misunderstand me. I’m a good guy!]

[My body and my heart belong only to you!]

When he finished, his eyes softened, landing on me like I was the only person in the world.

[Nat smiled.]

I pressed my lips together, fighting the urge to let the corners turn up.

“About the interview, I do need your help. How about we start now?”

As I said it, I reached for the old cat pillow I’d left at the foot of the bed, pulling it close to my chest.

I heard a sharp gasp from Caleb. His face flushed, eyes going wide.

I stroked the plush with slow, deliberate movements, pretending not to notice his reaction. “What’s wrong? Are you uncomfortable?”

He balled his hand into a fist. “I’m fine.”

Outwardly he looked chill, but his inner voice was screaming with joy:

[Ahhhhh!]

[Nat is spoiling me again!]

[Ahhh, I’m happy again!]

[Woo, if only she would kiss me.]

I paused, flipping through my notebook. Looking up at his barely-contained excitement, I surprised myself by asking, “Want a kiss?”

He didn’t answer. His eyes said everything. And for the first time, I wondered—was I the one in control, or was he?