Chapter 4: Letting Go in Silence

My sudden calmness made Tobi freeze. He frowned and asked, "You dey vex?"

His brows knotted together, and he tilted his head like a stubborn goat. He didn't know that sometimes silence is more dangerous than shouting.

Vex?

No, I hadn’t been angry for a long time. I can’t even remember when I stopped being angry. Was it the last time, when Simi had malaria and he rushed to her side, leaving me stranded on the road with cramps and unable to walk? Or was it when, just because Simi looked at him twice, he gave her the birthday gift he promised me—a beaded necklace he made himself?

That necklace—I still remember how I waited for it. I even told Mama Sade about it. At the end, Simi wore it to church that Sunday and everybody praised her beauty. My own shadow just dey follow for back.

There were too many times; I can’t even remember all. But I know one thing: I’m not angry anymore.

A heart can only break so many times before it becomes numb. I just dey count days, like prisoner waiting for freedom.

But Tobi didn’t believe me. He said coldly, "You know? Last time you stop me from going, her house nearly get robbed."

His face was set, as if he was prosecuting me in front of a family meeting. You would think I was the reason the world went wrong for him.

He looked at me like I was the reason for the attempted robbery at Simi’s house.

I might not be angry, but I won’t let him put that blame on my head. "She dey rent for Palm Grove Estate. The rent dey cost, all her neighbours get money and security. She no fit afford security, na my fault be that?"

Even Baba Danjuma, the local security man, always said, "If wahala reach Palm Grove, e mean say Abuja don spoil." Tobi just wanted to make me feel guilty for things bigger than us.

In fact, Tobi was also the one paying her rent. The small compound I shared with him was in a remote area, surrounded by wahala neighbours. To save money, I had to grit my teeth and settle here. Who would have guessed all the money I saved would end up being spent on Simi by him?

Each time I looked at the peeling paint and shaky roof, I reminded myself: 'Anu, na you dey pay for all this.'

Tobi looked at me, disappointment all over his face. "Simi dey alone and just need person. You no get empathy? No get conscience?"

His words stung, but my heart was already cold. Let him carry his cross.

His mind was already made up. There was no point arguing, so I just smiled and said, "Then go keep her company."

Tobi had nothing else to say.

He picked up his keys, hesitated at the door, but left without another word. Only the smell of his cheap perfume lingered in the air.

After a while, he sighed and said, "No vex. I go come back soon."

Those words used to mean something to me. Now, they were like empty sachets of pure water—thrown away, forgotten.

"I go come back soon"—those four words I’ve heard too many times. At first, I used to wait for him to return, only to wait till morning. Tobi would say Simi had a nightmare, so he stayed outside her room all night, worried about her.

How many times did I count the ceiling, waiting for his footsteps? Now, as his footsteps faded, I slept soundly.

In my dream, there was no Tobi—just my family house and the smell of fried goat meat. Beautiful. Soon, I’ll be going home.

I could almost feel my mother's arms, hear my cousins laughing in the backyard. For the first time in a long time, I woke up with a small smile on my lips.

Tobi, abeg, just disappear.

Let your shadow no cross my door again.