Chapter 2: Unending Calls and Family Drama

Buzz buzz... buzz buzz...

My oga phone no even shake. This time, na my own lap dey vibrate.

I look down, wonder how phone still get life. I press thigh well, dey pretend say nothing dey happen.

Annoyance just rush me.

Na small thing remain I hiss. But I dey manage myself because work dey important.

"...So, as we dey design product, we suppose reason all the small small changes for customer demand..."

I dey force my words out, dey hope say my voice no dey shake. I see some people dey look my hand, dem sabi say wahala dey.

Thank God, the phone dey my pocket, so the sound no too loud. I just hold my muscle tight, press phone well for my lap.

As I dey press am, I dey count seconds for my mind. I pray make this wahala finish fast.

After like thirty minutes, I finish my report, client clap for me, everybody happy.

As dem clap, small relief enter my body. I smile, dey bow head, dey thank God say at least my work still dey on point.

Chairman come talk, "The proposal make sense, you try well. After you finish your call, make we discuss more. No let your leg cramp o."

Everybody laugh small, tension break. Chairman wink for my side like say, 'Na so life be.'

I waka comot meeting room, my hip dey pain me, my mind just bitter.

As I dey waka corridor, I dey rub my waist. E be like say I don run marathon for mind and body.

So everybody see say I dey press phone for my lap make e no vibrate. I just dey imagine as I go look for their eye.

Na shame dey catch me. For my mind, I dey plan how I go take explain this kain family drama for office.

My mama don call 36 times.

The number shock me. I count am twice. I just dey wonder wetin fit make mama press phone reach like that.

"Why you no dey pick? The schoolbag make e red or blue?"

Her message just dey fly. She no even gree rest. I dey wonder whether na joke or serious.

"Ask am which one e want."

My patience don dey wear thin. But I dey try act mature, dey answer the text calmly.

At this point, I just dey numb.

My brain dey on autopilot. I just dey reply as body dey take me.

"Children no sabi anything. You talk—red or blue?"

My mama dey use style shift responsibility come my side, as if na me dey make mistake.

"Red."

I just pick any color. My head no fit think anything again.

"Red? Chikamso na boy o. You wan make e carry red schoolbag? How e go look?"

Na so she begin dey lecture me on gender and color. I wan laugh, I wan cry. I just tire.

"Okay, blue."

I surrender. Make peace reign.

"Blue? The blue ones no strong, dem dey spoil quick."

Na so she still dey find problem for blue. E be like say nothing go ever please this woman.

"Na the same schoolbag, na only color change. Why blue one go spoil fast?"

I dey try use logic, but e no dey enter. She get her own reasoning.

"The pikin wey dey next compound get blue one, buy am last year, e don spoil."

She bring community evidence join. This one pass my power.

My head just empty.

At this point, I dey question my whole existence. I just dey stare space, dey accept fate.

My mama still dey talk: "So, red or blue?"

I just dey hear am like background music. My energy don finish.

Na so e dey happen almost every day.

This no be new matter. For my mind, I dey plan escape, but no way.

I drag myself return meeting room. The other team don arrange the questions wey dem wan ask.

I brace myself, dey smile for formality. I just dey pray make this round no get more embarrassment.

"Sorry, the product strengthening strategy wey you mention—na to buy technology from market you mean, or to upgrade the old product line?"

The way dem ask, you go know say dem dey serious, dey expect sense from me.

I just talk, "Buy blue schoolbag."

The words just slip from my mouth. I see people eye widen. My body cold.

Mr. Auwalu cough, talk, "She dey talk say, we fit buy technology package wey still dey for blue ocean market. Even if e never mature finish, e go still help strengthen us."

Oga save me sharp sharp. The whole room just laugh small, tension scatter.

Chairman just smile—one kind smile wey show say e sabi wetin dey happen.

E even nod head, dey encourage me. The small laughter help break the stress.

After meeting, night don reach. I follow my oga and some colleagues go hotel check in.

The sky don dark, but my brain still dey race. We reach hotel, Oga dey walk ahead, me I dey drag bag behind, dey think of the day wahala.

Oga dey look me, like e wan talk, then e ask if I wan catch last bus go house. As I reach stairs, I check phone—still get two hours before last bus.

I dey reason whether I get energy to do night bus or just crash for hotel. I dey imagine traffic for Jabi park.

But for this kind project meeting, after first day, tomorrow sure get more talk. Na me dey lead—if I no show, wahala fit dey.

I reason am well, no need risk am. I fit sleep better, prepare for tomorrow.

I talk say I no dey go back. Tomorrow meeting dey sure.

Oga nod. "Ifeoma, abeg, I no wan hear your mama call my number again unless e serious. I no even know how your family take get my number."

E talk am with small smile, but seriousness dey there. I gree am, no vex.

I talk say I no know, but I reason am, maybe she see oga business card for my bag.

E just nod head, accept. E for just vex if na another person.

"Make we chop something light, then review today meeting with back office, see wetin dem go focus on tomorrow."

I happy say na light food, because my belle no fit handle heavy swallow this night. Work matter still dey my mind.

Downstairs for hotel get restaurant. Because office buildings full everywhere, na booths and private rooms full the place. Oga order set meals, I open laptop, start online meeting, technical team for office ready.

The restaurant dey smell of fried plantain, spicy pepper soup, and jollof rice. I take small moment enjoy the aroma before focus on laptop.

Oga just talk small, my phone ring again.

I sigh. For my mind, I dey already know say na same story.

No need check—I sabi na my mama.

Oga use eyebrow signal make I pick or waka out.

Oga talk, "No wahala, na internal talk. Go answer am for there."

I thank am with small nod, carry phone, waka go one corner near restroom.

I no wan answer, but I know if I no pick, she go just continue dey call.

My body don tire, but I brace myself, ready for another round.

I waka small, hide.

I look left and right, make sure no colleague go pass near. I talk low, almost whisper.

"Chikamso wan watch cartoon. How you take change TV?"

E be like say every problem for life dey wait for me to solve. Even TV remote matter na me.

"Give am remote, e go find am."

I dey try short-cut am. I know say my pikin sabi TV well, no need stress.

"How pikin go fit change TV? Plenty buttons dey, I no understand. How I go do am?"

Na so mama dey always overthink simple things. I dey try explain without raise voice.

My chest just dey heavy.

The stress dey add up. I just dey wish say I fit off myself for five minutes.

"E fit do am. Last year, e find cartoon by himself. Just give am remote."

I dey remember how Chikamso dey even teach me new things for phone. Small children smart die.

"E no fit do am. Tell me how to change am, I go do am for am."

Na so she insist. I dey try control frustration.

"Give am phone."

I just wan end the talk. Make she use phone, I go talk to my pikin.

I don dey hear my pikin shout for background: "I fit do am! Give me remote!"

Chikamso voice loud. I fit picture am dey wave hand for grandma.

My mama tell am, "No dey shout. Wetin you sabi? If you spoil am, grandma no fit fix am."

I just dey try hold myself, "Give am phone."

My voice dey shake, but I dey try maintain respect. Na so I dey do since.

My mama give am phone, my pikin just shout, "I wan watch cartoon. Grandma no gree give me remote!"

The wahala don reach full circle. My patience dey almost finish.

"My dear, grandma no know say you fit do am. Show her how to change am."

I use calm tone. I dey try balance two worlds—work and house.

My pikin shout, "Press power first, then press right, move go cartoon channel for children, na the third one."

I proud for my pikin. E dey sharp, e sabi him way.

I say, "Mama, you hear? Chikamso sabi find cartoon by himself. No worry, just give am remote."

I dey use gentle tone, dey pray make mama no vex.

"Na true? I no believe. How pikin go sabi remote? I self no fit use am. Make e no watch—make I carry am go walk."

She dey argue as if remote na forbidden fruit. I dey almost laugh.

My pikin almost cry as e hear am.

E pain me, but I dey hold myself.

I say, "Why you no try as e talk? Just try am na. If you no try, how you go sabi?"

I dey try encourage her. For this life, old person dey fear change pass anybody.

My mama pause, then start dey complain, "I no fit change TV. I old, I no sabi anything. Na me dey disturb una life. Make e do wetin e like, I no fit take care of your pikin."

She dey use emotional blackmail like wrapper—wrap me sotay I no fit breathe.

My head wan burst, but I no fit cut call, I no fit no cut call.

I just dey hold tears. I no wan make voice crack for phone.

Next thing, cartoon song start play, my pikin shout, "You see? I find am! Grandma too dull."

I for like scold am, but na true e talk. Mama no dey try before complain.

I say, "Mama, from now, make e dey find wetin e wan watch. I still dey meeting, abeg, no call me again."

I use soft but firm voice, dey hope say she go gree this time.

My mama cut call.

I breathe relief. Na small win be that.

Back to the booth, my oga dey argue with back office.

I use style enter, take chair near window, dey pretend dey type as dem dey go back and forth.

Him name na Mr. Auwalu Caesar, second-generation wey go abroad come back, start business with him papa money. E fit switch from Queen’s English to Hausa or pidgin sharp sharp—na proper Naija guy. Him and tech team dey always argue because e get the way dem dey do for here and the way dem dey do for abroad.

Sometimes, e go dey use oyibo slang mix with Hausa or pidgin. The wahala be say our local boys no too send all these 'international standard' talk.

E still young, but insist make dem dey call am Baba Auwalu. E say for here, people no trust young people, so if dem call am 'Baba', e go look wise.

The day e tell me this thing, I laugh sotay my belle pain me. For Naija, age and title na everything.

Me, I don divorce, dey raise my pikin alone. To be honest, I dey thank am say e employ me as technical backbone.

Without this work, I for dey hustle small small job. Now, at least, I fit hold body.

I just sit down, video call pop for my laptop.

As the green light blink, I just dey pray say no be who I dey think.

Na my mama.

The kain wahala ehn! I for just off my data, but I still dey wait for technical team.

Na my laptop, I dey online meeting, and the WhatsApp video call sound just cut Mr. Auwalu talk. Back office people quiet.

Dem look me. One boy for back office even smile, cover mouth.

I press reject.

I bite lip, dey pray make e stop.

Before five seconds, she call again.

My hand dey shake. I dey ask myself, 'How I wan survive this?' All eyes dey my screen.

I dey shake for anger, but as e be, I mistakenly press accept.

Na so her face fill my screen, my pikin dey near her, both of dem dey smile wide. E shock everybody for room.

My mama push her head join my pikin own, dey smile, "Baby, see who be this? Na your mama, call your mama!"

My mind cut. My pikin wave, but e face show say e just dey do am to please grandma.

My pikin don reach eight, as e start dey watch cartoon, my mama just squeeze near am. E face show say e no send.

For background, TV dey play cartoon song, my pikin eyes dey TV, e no dey mind camera at all.

I no even care who dey look, I shout, "Mama, Chikamso don big, e no like as you dey do."

My voice crack, I dey try hide embarrassment, but e loud.

My mama no even send, still dey pet am: "See, why you no dey look? You no like mama again? Mama dey wait for you. Who get this fine pikin—na my pikin?"

She dey show herself, dey act like say na family talent show.

My pikin look me, force smile.

E just dey try make everybody happy. Small pikin with big wahala.

"Mama, I don tell you say I dey meeting. No dey call me, no dey video call me, why you no gree?"

I dey beg. I dey try hold my anger, but my body dey shake.

My mama roll eye, "Na video call, no be phone call. So what if you dey meeting? You forget Chikamso because of meeting? Who born am?"

She always dey play that card—guilt trip. For her mind, work no reach family.

My pikin shout, "Grandma, my mama dey busy! No disturb am. Teacher talk say make we no dey do anyhow. If you no disturb my mama small, you go dey worry."

Even small Chikamso don wise up. I dey proud say e fit talk for me.

All my colleagues for online just dey laugh: "See this small boy, e too sharp!"

Dem dey happy say tension don break. Naija people like this kind family gist.

Me, I don tire for my mama wahala.

I dey count down till call go end. My head dey hot.

"Mama, last one. I dey meeting. No call, no video call again. If anything dey, send message. When I see am, I go reply. No dey call again, you hear?"

I use final tone, dey hope say this time e go enter.

My mama just move close to camera, "Why I no fit call? You no fit spare one minute? See time, wetin you dey busy with?"

She dey try enter my conscience. I just dey hold myself.

I just dey grind my teeth. "Abeg, let’s stop for now. I dey really busy."

I dey beg, my patience don finish.

"Wetin dey there? I never see person wey prefer meeting pass him own pikin."

She just cut call.

I just dey pray make ground open, swallow me and my wahala.

She use style end argument, as if na she win. I just shake head, close laptop small.

I shame, come apologize to Mr. Auwalu.

"Sorry sir, na my mama," I whisper, head down.

Na my first time follow am for big project report, my mama just scatter everywhere.

Na so family wahala fit find you anywhere. E pain me say na today e happen.

As I dey apologize, I just realize say I don dey used to my mama wahala.

I dey wonder if other people dey pass through this kind thing, or na only me. My body just calm small.