Chapter 4: Mama No Dey Rest for This House

As we dey go house after graduation party, Amara sit for back seat, tell me say she wan go her friend place for some days, she no go dey house.

She cross leg, dey press phone. No even look my face. I dey drive, dey look her for mirror, dey wonder if na same pikin I carry for hospital last week.

I no shock, because the main person for her life dey about show—one small boy, Femi.

All her WhatsApp status na about Femi. She dey post love emoji, dey form big girl. I just dey watch, dey shake head.

That time, she dey plan go stay for Femi big house for two days.

I hear say Femi papa get hotel for Lekki, dem dey drive Range Rover. Amara dey carry shoulder up, dey brag for her classmates.

For my last life, na because I too try stop her from that boy, she begin hate me.

If I talk, she go shout. If I keep quiet, wahala go still come. I dey between devil and deep sea.

First year for secondary school, her result fall anyhow. She even draw tattoo, start to dey smoke.

I see the mark for her hand one day, I nearly faint. I try talk to her, she hiss, walk commot. Small pikin dey threaten me.

After I ask her classmates, I find out say she dey date one rich pikin, Femi.

The gist full everywhere, but Femi mama no gree make her son marry from our side. Them dey do big man, dey look us like gutter people.

As I see the matter, I begin dey control her well, warn Femi make e leave my pikin.

One day I catch am for gate, I nearly tear his shirt. I no dey play with my own.

Because I know say that kind boy no go ever marry pikin from broken home like us. Rich people dey look family name.

Na so I tell Amara, "Open eye o! E go use you play, later leave you cry."

I no want make Amara turn plaything for him hand.

My prayer every night na for her head. I tell God, "No let enemy use my pikin dance juju."

I still advise Amara make she face her book.

She no dey hear, but I still dey try. Sometimes I go write quote for paper, put for her bag. Na only prayer dey hold me.

Before I know, three months pass, Femi travel go abroad.

Amara cry, lock door for three days. No eat, no talk. I buy suya, buy ice cream—nothing enter her mouth.

Amara think say na me chase am.

She accuse me, shout, "You don spoil my life!" I cry, but who go hear my own?

Later, after I hire expensive lesson teacher, her result come dey better.

I sell my old gold, borrow from thrift, just to pay that teacher. People dey ask how I take manage, but na God know.

But after she secure University of Ibadan spot, the first person she wan pursue na me.

She form big girl, start dey do like say I no exist. My heart dey break, but I keep quiet.

After car jam me, before I die, I dey ask myself: Wetin I do wey make this girl hate me like this?

I think, pray, fast, but answer no come. Only pain and questions.

Now, I don see am. Some people, you no fit do enough for them.

Even if you give them your blood, e no go ever do. I learn am the hard way.

But as Amara still small, na me be her guardian, I still gats look after her.

I gather my mind, remind myself say na God put her for my hand. No be today I go quit.

Even though I know say for my last life, she go sleep for Femi house, I still ask, "Where you dey go, and with who?"

My voice steady, I dey look her eye for mirror. She twist mouth, roll eye.

She answer me with vex, "You think say you be my mama? I say na friend."

I no move, I just dey calm. If na before, I go shout. Now, I use soft voice.

I press am: "Friend fit be boy or girl. Na boyfriend house you dey go or na girlfriend?"

I dey use old Naija trick. Ask direct, watch as she dey fumble.

As she see say I dey serious, she change mouth:

She bite lip, voice drop: "Actually, I wan go my mama place for some days before school start. I fear say you no go gree, na why I lie."

I nod, hold breath. My heart dey beat, but I no show am.

"No wahala, but make she send me WhatsApp message: when you dey go, how long you go stay, when she go bring you back—make she write everything."

I just no want make her papa and grandma blame me if anything happen.

I dey protect myself. For this life, you no fit trust anybody. I go hold evidence.

Amara dey press her phone watch, dey mutter, "So annoying. She no fit born her own, just dey control me everyday…"

I hear am, but I pretend say I no hear. I dey beg God make I no vex for her matter again.

For rearview mirror, I see Amara face dey vex like say she wan burst.

Her eyebrow dey dance, mouth tight. I dey sure say if na olden days, she go tear slap for me.

My body just dey hot. If no be law, I for no send where she dey go, even if na moon she dey waka.

But Naija police no dey smile. Anything happen, dem go call me first. So I endure.

The sun dey bake the car roof, sweat dey my armpit, but cold dey my mind. I just dey hope say God no go shame me again.