Chapter 1: Guesthouse Love and Heartbreak

The first time I was with Tobi Adekunle, na for one rundown guesthouse beside the gutter, with suya smoke and diesel smell mixing for air. Room na just two thousand naira per night.

Bedsheet still get old red stain for corner, curtain hang like person wey wan faint. Generator dey hum outside, mosquito dey dance round my ear, goat dey bleat for street, rain dey tap zinc roof as I lie down. I no even send that time. For my mind, I just dey reason say this na real Naija romance—two of us dey manage together, dey form 'Bonnie and Clyde' for our small struggle. If my mama see me for here, she for faint.

After everything, he gently cover me with the wrapper. Then inside rain, he waka go buy medicine for me. "If to say NEPA dey try, maybe rain for no too worry us," he even joke as he dey go.

I hear am dey mutter for corridor, cursing small as rain soak am finish. He even remove him slippers, waka for muddy ground just because of me. As he return, he fan me with hand, like mama dey cool pikin for fever, arrange my hair, wipe my forehead. For that moment, I feel say e mean am—like e dey care well well. He smell like Rexona and rain, with small scent of ogogoro from last night.

His WhatsApp still dey open for the computer.

That computer na old, screen don crack, key dey shake. But na there e dey download him pirated film, dey use free guesthouse Wi-Fi. Na so I see the message pop up, green light dey blink.

One of his guys message am:

"So, how that your small babe wey you know since taste?"

He reply, "E sweet die..."

My heart pause. I blink, dey pray say I read am wrong. But the words no change. I fit see as e type am fast, him thumb dey dance for keypad. As if e no even reason say I dey for same room, e just dey form hard guy for chat.

Shame and vex catch me, but for inside, I still dey happy—because at least he gree say I try.

My chest dey do me one kind—like say I swallow pepper. But at the same time, small pride dey my mind. Even though e use me yarn for him guy, I still dey feel say I mean something. Na so love dey confuse person.

His friend no stop: "So, you go drop your 'first love' now come settle with this your small babe?"

He just hiss, then send voice note:

"Na opposite. Now e dey hungry me more to try am with person wey I truly like."

E press record, e voice low, e sound like person wey dey plan coded things. I no fit hear everything, but I see as him mouth dey move, eyes dey shine. My heart squeeze. For Naija, boys dey like show demself for padi, but e still pain me.

As I hear am, even with the pain, I force myself climb down from that iron bed wey dey make noise.

The bed spring dey scream, as if e dey judge me. Every move dey remind me say I no suppose dey here. I drag my wrapper, leg weak, but I stubbornly stand.

Last minute, I change my university application from one ordinary school go one correct federal university—one of the best for Naija.

Na as if I finally get small sense. My body cold, but my mind dey hot. I know say this guesthouse life no be my portion. I fit do better, I tell myself. This rain wey dey pour outside go soon stop, and I go still stand gidigba.

His friend send am thumbs-up emoji.

The emoji dey shine for chat like say na trophy. E be like dem dey toast to my matter. Na so boys dey hype demself, dey gist as if na football match dem just play.

As if say e give am ginger, Tobi Adekunle continue:

"All of una dey talk say Morayo fine, get better shape, say make I hold am well. Tonight, everything just click, na she even use style come close. If I push am away, e no go good na."

E type am with one kain pride, as if na achievement. But wetin I go talk? For Naija, if girl near guy, dem go say na she get mind pass. I just swallow the thing.

The same person wey dey whisper sweet things for my ear just now, dey use me do gist for him padi.

I remember the way he rub my back, dey call me "my person", "my Morayo". Now, e dey talk as if na cruise.

Every careless word na like fresh wound for my heart.

The pain dey cut me deep, but I bone face. If I cry now, e go say I too soft.

The pain for my mind even pass the one for my body.

My waist still dey pain me, but na my heart dey bleed pass. I hug myself, try compose.

His friend ask, "But why you no like Morayo? She get better character, always dey with you—girls like that dey easy to handle, abi?"

Boys wey dey toast gist no dey use mouth hold water. Dem dey expose person life anyhow. I dey imagine the type gist dem dey talk for barber shop—na so e be.

Tobi Adekunle answer, "Maybe na because we too close. E be like say something dey miss. I no fit explain. But if I no fit date Zainab Yusuf, I go regret am forever. Na all be that. Morayo still dey wait make I buy her morning-after pill."

E mention Zainab name as if e dey talk about national cake. My hand dey shake, phone nearly fall. Na so pain dey rush me, like slap. My mind fly—so na another babe dey your mind? Me wey dey here dey think say we dey waka same road. The pain get as e be.

The chat end there.

I just stare the screen, as if I fit change the words. Nothing dey come again. Na empty I feel.

The guesthouse na real manage. Wind dey shake the window, rain dey enter from everywhere.

Even the ceiling get small leak. Floor dey wet, k-leg table dey waka. If PHCN off light now, everywhere go dark finish. I hear aboki wey dey sweep corridor dey curse under breath.

I hug my knees, curl up for one corner of the bed.

I use wrapper cover myself. My leg dey cold. I just wish say I fit disappear. The world outside dey noisy, but my mind dey empty. God abeg, make I no break finish for here.

Drunk men dey shout and curse for the corridor, their dirty talk just dey enter my ear as if dem dey my door front.

One man shout, "Oga, abeg comot for road! No be only you get woman!" Another one dey knock door as if na him house. I dey shake, the voice dey enter my bone. "Thunder fire you, shift!" another shout.

Fear and shame just wash me, tears dey drop from my eyes like say tap open.

I bite my lip, try hold myself, but the tears no gree. For Naija, dem go say make you strong, but sometimes, na only tears fit talk your pain.