Chapter 2: Twin Wahala

My girlfriend get twin sister. The two of them resemble die—same height, same weight, same face. If dem dress alike, even their mama fit call mistake.

Even to their laugh and the way dem dey waka for road—if you see them from back, you go think say na mirror dey follow them waka. Sometimes, I dey joke say if dem wear the same cloth, even their papa fit confuse.

Even their voice dey the same. My babe tell me before say na just one minute difference dey between their birth.

Na only their character different. My girlfriend dey quiet and gentle, but her sister dey bold and free.

Dem be like cold water and hot stew—one dey cool, one dey pepper.

Today, my girlfriend no tell me say her sister dey come. I mix them up, do something wey sweet and shameful at the same time. I just dey scratch my head, vexing for myself.

The kain wahala wey I carry for head now, e big pass my cap. I just dey pray make nobody hear am.

Ten minutes later, my babe come back, hand full with market things. She drop bag for kitchen, wipe sweat with Ankara wrapper tied for waist.

She enter with polythene bags—tomatoes, pepper, yam—she dey sweat small, but she still dey smile. I try smile back, but fear dey my mind.

"Where my sister?"

My throat dry. I dey find how I go take arrange lie wey no go scatter for my hand.

"Erm, she don go."

I talk am quick, just dey hope say my face no show anything.

"Go? Wetin pursue am?"

Her eyebrow raise, like say she don dey suspect me small. My heart dey race.

I just dey fumble, no know how to talk. "She... she say e get urgent something, so she run go."

"How e take possible?" My girlfriend look me one kind. "I go call her."

Her face sharp, hand steady. The kind way wey Igbo woman dey look when she suspect say you dey lie. I just dey hope say my phone no go betray me.

My heart nearly jump comot for my mouth. If her sister talk true or her body language give am away...

I dey whisper small prayer inside my mind—make Holy Spirit help me lie well.

If to say I fit disappear, I for use juju vanish that moment. All my mind dey shout, 'Tunde, you don enter!'

Even if I jump enter River Benue, I no fit wash this wahala commot.

If I like, make I baff with holy water from MFM, this kain shame no dey commot easy.

I watch as my babe carry her phone, find her sister name, press call—every step dey tension me, my heart dey beat gbo gbo gbo.

Na so her finger dey press phone screen, like she dey press remote for DSTV. Each second, I dey sweat more.

"Her phone off?"

She call again. Still off.

The silence loud like when NEPA take light for night.

Finally, I breathe small. I just tell myself say, before I try any bedroom matter next time, I go check well who dey with me.

I even dey reason say make I dey ask for password before I near any woman for this house again.

"Maybe... maybe she really get urgent something..."

My babe look me for eye. "You dey act somehow."

Her eye dey shine like torchlight wey dey find thief. My mouth dey shake small.

"Me? Wetin dey strange about me?"

I try form laugh, but the thing choke me. I dey fidget.

"Anytime you dey lie, you dey stammer. You no sabi?"

The way she take talk am, e dey pinch my chest. E be like she dey count how many time I dey mess up.

"I... I no stammer o."

My voice just dey wobble, and she notice. I dey try arrange my words like say na English exam.

"So why you dey blush?"

I rub my face, pretend say sweat dey my face.

"No be say here too hot?"

I look around, fan dey blow but my body still dey hot. I dey pray make she just drop the matter.

"Hot? E hot reach to make you sweat like this?"

She dey talk as she dey unpack tomatoes. Na real investigation.

I dey arrange tomatoes, onions, and that big yellow pepper wey dey burn tongue.

I sharply change topic. "Make I put the market things for fridge. Since your sister don go, na only two of us, how we wan chop all this?"

I jump up, carry bag go kitchen. As I dey arrange onions, I dey pray make she no follow me come ask more question.

"You sure say una no do anything behind my back?"

Her voice dey kitchen door, serious.

As I dey pack things inside fridge, I answer am, no fit look her face: "How? Wetin we wan do? Na you dey think far."

My hand dey shake. I dey arrange tomatoes inside bowl like say na maths I dey solve.

"Next time I see her, I go ask her face to face."

Her voice carry warning, like Igbo mama wey dey threaten pikin.

"No wahala, go ask," I talk, guilt just dey worry me.

I no fit talk plenty again. I just dey wish say the ground go open make I fall inside.