Chapter 1: Cat No Be Dog

Everybody sabi say cats no dey show love like dogs—

For our side for Naija, you go hear people talk am as: "Dog go dey follow you like say you be their world, but cat? Cat fit just dey mind e own business, dey eye you like say you be one small goat." Sometimes sef, old women for compound go yarn, "No trust cat finish o! Dem dey look you dey plan." But na who go believe?

But you know say your cat fit dey plan how e go finish you every single time?

You fit no gree, but make I talk true: sometimes, the way cat dey stare, e go be like say e dey count your heartbeat. You know those stories wey people dey talk for village at night, say cat dey see spirit? E get as e be.

Na so I take first notice am when I dey bored for work, I come check my house CCTV camera.

The thing surprise me no be small. Rain dey pour outside, generator dey hum for my office, but na the CCTV wey show my parlor hold my attention. For this Lagos, person no fit too trust, so I mount camera to dey check wetin dey happen. But na my own cat I catch for wahala?

I see my cat jump climb cabinet, carry one box of thumbtacks, come quietly put one under my pillow. I fit even hear the small kpim as the tack touch foam, my skin crawl. After that, e even arrange the pillowcase back make e cover am...

Omo! Na so my body begin cold. The sly way wey e arrange the pillow, you go think say na housegirl dey try cover up mistake—na real 'eye service'. I just dey watch dey wonder, "Abi this cat dey learn from human?"

But as e wan waka go, e notice the red light wey the camera dey show.

E pause. Sharp sharp, e begin dey act like say e dey play. E start to roll for bed, dey toss head, dey play with corner of the sheet—small drama. I come dey reason, "This one pass ordinary animal." Cat wey sabi CCTV? Wonders no go finish.

Sharp sharp, e begin pretend say e dey play, come use leg waka the thumbtack comot for under pillow...

You for see the way e gently waka am comot, as if e no mean anything. E even stretch body, clean e ear, look camera, then waka away. My mouth just open. My own animal dey run coded moves for my own house—abeg, who dey teach am juju?