Chapter 4: Walking Into Sunlight

All of them face change immediately.

Laughter dry. Even the nosiest neighbour shift eye.

Baba Segun shout, 'You never tire? You wan dey make noise again? Na your son—if you no give am, who you wan give?'

Voice loud, echo for corridor. Children dey peep inside.

My mother-in-law eye me, talk with anger: 'You dey keep man outside, village woman, na so so rubbish you sabi.'

Her voice bitter, accusation old like Lagos traffic. The insult, old like broom, thrown again.

This kind talk, I hear am tire for my last life.

Every time, e dey pain me reach bone.

But because I wan make my pikin get complete family, I just dey bear.

At the end, my patience turn to joke.

So why I go still dey bear?

I ask myself, my spirit dey wake. Why I go continue when dem no dey see my value?

'Abeg, we dey divorce or not?'

My voice clear. I face Baba Segun, no fear.

Baba Segun wan talk, my son jump up, point me, dey shout,

He jump up, vex cover him face. Finger dey shake for air.

'See you, old woman! Divorce! Papa, divorce her! Na just ordinary ticket—na lie say you no fit get am, grandma no fit get am!'

Chest dey rise, foot dey stamp, eye red like pepper.

The boy vex so tey im nose dey flare, eye red like wolf, dey para.

Remind me of small time, but now the anger sharp, adult, dangerous.

Since im small, na so e dey talk.

I remember every tantrum, every sharp word, entitlement wey grow as e grow.

E go talk say papa dey make money.

He dey boast to anybody wey hear. 'My papa get connection.'

Grandpa and grandma na retired teachers, sabi book.

He dey proud of their education, their Lagos connect. My own root, my own story, never count.

Me, na just village polytechnic graduate—even if I wear better cloth, I no go fit be queen, my head empty, nothing dey.

Dem remind me, again and again. My effort, na water for stone.

The four of them just treat all my hard work as nothing.

I always believe, when the boy see life, e go change.

But world only teach am more pride.

So, for my last life, na this ticket I use give am better chance.

But wetin I gain? Na im dump me for one dirty apartment make I dey rot.

Na shame and pain.

I wear shame like second skin, pain like wrapper. My own blood, my own son, turn him back.

To hear all this again, I no argue.

This time, I swallow my reply. Eyes cold, heart strong. No more tears for people wey no care.

I just dey nod. 'Of course, una sabi—una go get am.'

I nod, voice empty. Let dem think say dem win.

Baba Segun and the rest just dey look, wan talk but stop.

Face change. Maybe dem see something for my eye, maybe not. I no care.

I breathe deep, talk, 'Property wey husband and wife get, na half-half. The boy, na una own. Finish.'

Words clear. No more struggle. Take everything but my peace.

I go inside, start to pack my load. I no even want spend one more second.

I waka to room, head high, ignore whispers. I bring out battered boxes, dey fold my few clothes.

My son still dey shout outside.

Voice dey rise, curse, demand. I block ear, dey hum old hymn.

Papa and mama-in-law dey pet am like king, dey talk bad about me.

I hear dem, dey soothe am, blame me for everything. 'No mind am, Chijioke, your mama too wicked.'

'Mama wicked, mama bad, God go punish her. Chijioke, no vex, e no good for your body.'

Dem cast curse, gather pity, paint me villain.

'Your mama no fit leave you, na just mouth she dey use. Na only you she get—if she leave, how she wan survive? Village woman, old school, no fit stay alone.'

Dem dey laugh, dey bold.

My son still dey shout: 'I just no want her as my mama! She no fit just die?'

Words sharp like blade. My knees bend, but I stand straight. My mama voice echo: 'Suffer no be forever.'

My heart still pain me small.

Even now, e dey ache. I mourn the boy I once know, the mother I once hope to be.

After I pack two big bags, everywhere don quiet.

Last zip close, silence heavy. Everybody dey wait for my next move, as if dem no believe I go really go.

Baba Segun open door.

He waka enter, keys dey jangle, smirk for face.

Hand for pocket, dey look down on me, dey mock: 'You dey act drama, abi? Okay, you wan act, let’s go—make we go divorce now now.'

He expect me to kneel, to beg. I give am steady eye, no blink.

I bring out my ID card and marriage certificate. 'Make we dey go.'

I wave document for him face. Smile vanish, eye narrow.

Im smile just vanish.

First time, I see fear flash for him face.

'Divorce, abi? You go commot with nothing, then I go do am—how you see am?'

He try sound in control, but voice dey shake small.

I just laugh. 'So you no wan leave me, na why you dey find my trouble so I go beg?'

I laugh, soft, sad. Truth naked between us—he need me as much as I need freedom.

'Me, no wan leave you? Which kind joke be that? Where you wan go after you leave us? Half, abi? I go give you. No run.'

He dey bluff. I tie scarf, pick bag, waka out.

For local government office, I finally know why Baba Segun get mind talk all those things.

Air thick with sweat and old paper. Clerk no even look my face—just dey press phone, like say my pain na normal story for here.

E don move ninety percent of our property since we marry.

He sign everything with his parents’ names. All receipts, all deeds—nothing for me. My belle dey turn, but I lock face.

Even the house, e use im parents’ name.

Address I once call home—now na memory. For paper, I be visitor.

To share half, na less than two hundred thousand naira reach me.

Na joke. I think of all my years, my sweat—reduced to small change.

He sign sharp sharp.

Signature bold, quick. He smile for clerk, sure. I bite lip, no cry.

I sigh, no even want waste my time again.

I breathe slow, collect my paper. Fight don finish. I just want peace.

I just sign my name quick.

Hand steady, I write my name. No more delay. World witness my freedom.

Baba Segun face change. E hiss, 'Na you go suffer last last. Make we see how you wan beg your pikin.'

He try wound me, but words bounce. I empty already.

'If you no kneel for me, I no go cancel the application. Just dey wait, dem go soon throw you commot from my house in thirty days.'

He dey watch my knee, wait for me to break. But I stand tall, back straight, eye for door.

As e talk, e dey eye my knees, dey wait make I kneel beg.

Na so e dey do before.

He make me dance this dance before—always threaten, always demand.

Every time, e go force me apply for divorce, then use the boy take threaten me, make me kneel beg am to cancel am.

Boy be shield, I always on my knees, shame before God and man.

Before, because of my son, I no fit get mind leave.

My son be my anchor, my hope. But love alone no fit heal all wound.

This time, I just stand, kick im leg, waka commot.

I brush past am, no spare word. Heart dey beat strong with every step away.

E run follow me, dey curse, 'Wicked woman!'

Curses fade, lost in street noise. I no look back.

I no even answer am.

I waka faster, my mind dey tomorrow. No room for old wound.

We reach house, na so e dey curse all the way.

Journey long, anger full car. I ignore am, eyes for future.

As I open door, I just feel say something dey off.

House too quiet. Air heavy, tension full everywhere. I know something dey wait inside.

Papa and mama-in-law dey ginger my son, dey whisper for im ear.

I see dem, heads close, dey whisper. Eye dey dart my way, then look away.

Next thing, my son waka come, face full of anger.

He stomp near, lips curl, fists tight.

'Give me the ticket, I go forgive you, make you still be my mama by force.'

Voice cold, eyes hard. Hand stretch, dey demand.

I just smile, shake head. 'No need make you force am—I no go be your mama again.'

Smile small, sad. Words fall, final goodbye.

He wan vex.

Mouth open, ready to shout. But neighbour mutter from corridor, 'This boy don forget who dey fry his akara for school every morning.'

Mama-in-law quick hold am, bring out im glasses show me.

She wave thick glasses for my face, eye sharp and pleading.

'Morayo, abeg no start. See as im glasses thick—you know as e struggle reach.'

She dey try guilt me. Neighbours dey listen.

'If e miss this chance to go abroad, e go dey do normal jamb like everybody, e go just live normal, nothing special.'

She paint bleak picture, hope say I go pity. 'You want make your son suffer ordinary life?' question hang for air.

I raise eyebrow. 'How that one go happen? You and im papa get sense—una go fit find ticket, no be so?'

I meet her gaze, no blink. She pause, unsure.

Dem frown.

Face twist, mouth tight, eyes dey dart. Dem no expect me to stand ground.

Baba Segun shout, 'If you fit get am, we sef fit. But we busy—no time. And if we no use your own, you go talk say we dey do you bad.'

He try cover up, but truth clear. Dem need me—for my labour, my sacrifice.

Four pairs of eye, all dey look my hand.

Pressure heavy, but I no move.

I look my son, see as im eye dey stubborn, proud, and the glasses thick pass last year own.

He glare, ungrateful, glasses fog with anger. My heart still soft small.

My heart, e still soft small.

Old habit hard to die. Even now, I want see am do well, escape the trap wey hold me.

Abeg, make this be the last one.

I breathe deep, let go, just this once.

I bring out the ticket, give am.

Hands shake, but I pass am. My last gift. Last act as mother.

'From today, you and me, we don balance.'

Voice final. No more debt. No more beg. Spirit light.

He grab am, hiss, 'No dey form. Go make ice cream. I want blueberry. If not, I go really make papa divorce you.'

Words bounce off me. He no know—he no fit know—how small his threat mean now.

The boy spoil—na only my hand-made ice cream e dey chop.

Na true. My ice cream na best for estate. But I don tire to make sweet for people wey dey give me bitter.

I no talk, just go my room, push my two suitcases, waka go.

I waka, head high, bag heavy but spirit light. I leave the noise, curses, blame—everything for back.

Nobody stop me.

Not one voice call me. I realize, at last, my absence na their freedom. And mine.

I hear mama-in-law dey whisper.

She no know say I fit still hear. Voice low, sharp as pepper.

'She go come back dey cry before tomorrow. No forgive her quick this time.'

She sure say I go crawl back. But this time, door don close.

My son add mouth, 'Papa, buy bitterleaf make she kneel on top, make she use broom flog herself.'

Dem laugh, dey mock my pain. But I waka, ear hot, heart dey heal.

Dem just dey laugh, the whole house.

Their laughter fade as I reach gate. I pause, hear distant mosque call mix with church bell, city dey move on without me. Sun dey shine for my face. I free. I finally free.

Person wey dey inside river no suppose fear cold. Today, I begin my own journey, no look back.