Chapter 4: Medicine and Mistrust

Tunde show face again after some days. I dey room dey pack small bag, Tunde just enter, no knock. E carry face wey no dey show shame. My heart jump as I see am. E smell faintly of soap and cologne.

He force one packet of medicine for my hand. He put small white tablet for my hand. I look am, surprise. Na medicine, nothing I sabi about am.

Na contraceptive. Tunde say, "Take am, e go help you." I just dey look, mouth open. Na so he dey care for me?

He say, "You never marry. If belle enter, people go look down on you." He voice low, as if he dey advice me. "If you born before marriage, your name don spoil. Dem go laugh you. Even Papa no fit help you."

Somehow, e be like say he dey care for me. For one second, my chest soft. I wonder, maybe he no wicked reach as I think. But sharp sharp, my brain clear.

I look am, surprise. I smell am, no trust, wonder if e wan poison me or just clear problem.

I confuse for one second. For small moment, I dey lost. My heart dey twist—pain and small hope dey fight.

As I no answer, Tunde frown. "No tell me—" He eye wide, voice sharp. He dey look my belly, like person wey dey calculate.

"No tell me say you don carry belle?" He eye dey red, like say na fight he dey prepare for. My mind dey race, but I no answer.

I look am, the same face wey make me happy before, I just ask, "If I get belle, nko?" My voice small, almost like whisper. I dey challenge am small, but my hand dey shake.

Tunde no even think, "If you get, drink medicine wey go remove am." He talk am sharp, like say na nothing. My body cold, my mind blank.

"How you go born before main wife?" He dey worry more about Chiamaka than me. My spirit just dey fade, as if na sand dey fill my body.

I just look am, face blank. I no fit cry, no fit smile. I just dey look, my heart empty.

After he talk finish, he come realise say he don reduce me from wife to side woman. Na so truth dawn for him face. He slow down, try form gentle. E pain me.

He force smile, try talk soft. "Amara, no worry. For my heart, you still different." He try hold my hand, smile fake smile. "You get special place for my life."

"Wetin be the difference between wife and second wife? As long as we love each other, e don do." He dey beg, as if love na enough. My spirit no gree.

I no fit hold myself, I ask, "If e no get difference, why you plan make me be second wife, give Chiamaka main wife?" My voice break, but I gree talk am. I no fit swallow the pain again.

Tunde face change. "Which kind talk be this?" He vex, as if I insult am. "Amara, you dey talk anyhow. You wan scatter my plan?"

"You never even marry, you don dey jealous. If you be main wife, my house go scatter." He accuse me, say I dey jealous. Me wey dey always gentle. My heart dey break.

Jealous? I remember times when Tunde dey with other girls, me no talk. Na now, he dey use jealous insult me.

I grow up gentle, always dey calm. Na only with him I let myself free small.

Everybody for compound sabi say Amarachi no dey shout. If I dey vex, na only Tunde go see am. I dey hide my true self, but with am, I dey real.

I never complain if he carry side chicks. Na him dey promise me, say na only me he go love.

He always dey say, "Amara, na you be my sun and moon. Any other babe, na just play."

When he hold me, he dey talk say he wan see me jealous. He dey tease me, say if I show small pepper, e go sweet am. Na love I think say e be.

That time, I think say I meet true love. I dey believe say na real man I get. All those small fights, na romance I take am.

Now—Now, my eye don clear. I dey see truth, and e bitter pass bitterleaf.

E be like cold water pour me, my body just freeze. The shock reach my bone. I feel empty. Na only God fit heal this pain.

I no answer Tunde, I waka comot. I just pick my wrapper, walk out. I no even look back. Breeze blow, dry leaf follow me.

He shout after me, "Amarachi, like this, no man go want you except me." Him voice dey loud, but e weak. I no stop. My chest dey strong. E fit talk wetin he like.

He dey lie. I know say my name never spoil. God no go allow me down reach like that. People still dey respect my family.

My name clean, my family dey respected. The Okafor name big for this side. Even for church, dem dey hail my Papa. I get my pride.

Before him, plenty better men don come seek my hand. Before Tunde, boys from all corners dey find my hand. Even people wey get money and big work for bank.

Even my mama side, cousins dey talk marriage. My Mama people from Enugu dey always carry marriage matter come. I just dey picky. Na Tunde I gree for.

Na me believe, since I grow up with Tunde, say he go treat me well. I no know say na snake dey hide for under grass. I blind, but now my eye open.

Na me misjudge am. I blame myself, but I dey learn. From today, I no go dey soft for man again.

Papa call me, give me list of men wey fit marry me. Papa just come, hand me paper. Names full everywhere. I dey look the list, my hand dey tremble.

I look am; none from city, their family no reach our level. All of them na village people, some wey I never hear their name before. I dey sad, but I gree. At least, na fresh start.

Papa sigh, "Na we mess up. I go prepare better dowry for you, so you fit get respect for your new house." Papa voice soft, him eye red. He no wan see me suffer for new place. Even for mistake, he wan try fix am.

Papa get big post, he no go let Tunde use am play. Papa na chairman for community council. Nobody fit mess with him pikin and go free. My pride small dey return.

I kneel, knock head for ground two times. As tradition demand, I kneel, touch head to ground. "Thank you, Papa," I whisper. My spirit dey beg God make e better for me.

My new husband people don settle—one big family for faraway Ibadan. Na so e be. I pack small bag, prepare for journey. Ibadan, here I come. Maybe na new hope go dey there for me.