Chapter 5: Last Temptation

Night reach. Night breeze cold, crickets dey sing. I lock myself for bathroom, dey baff as if I wan wash all my past commot. Sponge rough my skin, but pain no gree leave.

I baff for long, like say I wan peel my skin. Water dey run for my body, I dey scrub as if dirt dey inside bone. My spirit dey cry. After baff, I sit for bed, hair still wet, dey look moon.

After I finish, I go kneel again for Mama's picture at the family altar. I dress white wrapper, go kneel for altar. Candle dey burn, Mama picture dey shine. I dey beg, make she forgive, make she pray for me from heaven.

E be like na only so I fit still get small dignity for her front. As I dey there, I fit feel small peace. My shame reduce, my heart dey talk to Mama. "Make I no lose myself finish," I pray.

Woman matter for chastity no be small thing. For our side, if woman name spoil, e fit last for generations. Even my aunty for village dey suffer till today.

If Papa no agree give Tunde my concubine-born sister, and Tunde spread rumour, my name for don spoil. Na God save me say Papa get sense. If Tunde talk pass like this, my market for marriage don close. But at least, small way still dey.

But even like that, Papa don already dey disappointed for me. Papa no dey laugh with me again. Him only dey sigh, face hard. House get heavy air, everybody dey tiptoe.

One day I pass that house wey dey full of women with short skirts. Men dey enter, dey come out, no shame, even dey proud. For this Lagos, na woman dem go judge. If na man, dem go hail am—Odogwu! But woman, na wahala.

My mind dey scatter. If na man, dem go hail am. If na woman, na curse. I no fit understand. Na double wahala.

I no understand, but I no get strength think am again. My spirit don tire. I leave the matter for God. Na only Him sabi the true heart.

That night memory still dey worry me. Tunde hot touch and sweet words still dey my ear. Even as I dey try forget, that night dey play for my mind. I feel the heat, the kiss, the way he call my name. Na bad dream I no fit wake from.

My body nearly vomit. Shame and regret dey fight for my chest. My skin crawl, as if I fit scrub memory commot.

That time, person jump fence enter. Gate dey lock, but I hear person land for ground. Shadow flash for window.

Na Tunde, wear white, stand for front with him usual fine-boy look. E dress sharp, white kaftan clean, shoe shine. Him smile fake, but eye dey red. Na so he dey look me, like say I be food.

He drag me enter him hand, dey talk like say I be him property, "Amara, why you leave me today? You know how I miss you?" He hold my wrist, pull me close. "You dey run from me, ehn? My heart dey miss you every minute." His voice dey smooth, but my heart dey beat fast.

I remember when we dey play ten-ten for sand, who know say e go reach like this?

He try beg me, but e no sweet. My spirit no gree. Words dey empty. As he dey talk, his hand don dey enter my wrapper. I push am, but he stubborn. "Amara, abeg. You dey too fine."

He talk say he miss me. He whisper, "I no fit sleep, dey think of you every night." My eye dey sharp, but my mind dey calculate.

I no even sure if na me he miss, or just the thing wey we dey do. For my mind, I dey reason. E miss me or e miss wetin we do that night? Na my love or just my body he dey find?

I push am, struggle. I fight am small, push hand. "Tunde, no try am. Respect yourself."

"Tunde, my mama picture dey here o." I point altar, make he see say place holy. My voice dey beg, I no wan disgrace myself again.

"Why you dey shy? No be today we start this thing." He dey laugh, dey try drag me close. He no care about my pain. I vex.

I push am with all my power. Na all my strength I use, Tunde stagger back, nearly jam chair. E surprise, but e no stop.

Tunde stagger, nearly fall. E balance, eye sharp, face change. Pride dey fight with shame inside him.

As he balance, I see shame and vex for him face. "Amarachi, why you dey make noise?" He vex, voice low. As if I dey wrong for defending myself. I no gree look am.

I look am, no gree. "Tunde, abeg, go." My voice strong, I no dey beg. I point door, let am know say e reach.

Tunde voice come cold. "Amarachi, I come because I like you." He eye dey cold. "I dey do all this because I get your time, you dey do shakara." My body no move.

Like me? I repeat for my mind—like? After all e do, e still dey talk like? My mind dey laugh, but my face dey strong.

Na so e be? My heart don harden. No more space for mumu love. I dey done.

Thank God say I no dey deceive myself again. I thank God for sense. No be all love sweet. Some fit kill you. I dey learn.

I smell the scent wey dey Tunde body. Na the same one my concubine-born sister dey use. Na perfume wey Chiamaka like, orange flower scent. I remember say e dey her room. My mind clear—Tunde just come from her place.

He must don dey with Chiamaka, and as he no fit get her, he come meet me. Na me be backup, na me be second hand. Pain grip me, but I gree hold am.

So wetin I be for am? I ask myself—na stepping stone? Na cloth for cleaning? My chest dey burn.

Anger wan make me slap am. My hand dey shake, but I hold myself. I no wan make more drama.

"You go still marry me. Why you dey rush?" He dey talk like say na must. I dey wonder who give am right.

"Remember, when you be my second wife, no ever try show yourself for your concubine-born sister, the main madam." He dey warn me, as if I be stubborn goat. I just dey look am, my heart dey close.

I shake my head, talk, "I no go marry you." My voice loud, even lizard for wall stop move. I talk am loud, voice steady. No more fear. No more shame. I ready face any consequence.

As I talk am finish, Tunde shock. He mouth open, eye wide. He no believe say I fit reject am. I see small fear for him face. E shock am well.

As I dey run, compound dey spin, but Tunde voice still dey follow me—like curse wey no gree leave.