Chapter 10: The Price of Pain

That first time—na my first time, na Femi own first time too.

Na memory wey dey haunt me. First time for pain, for shame, for regret. No joy, just wound.

My first time fight back; him first time head break open.

For that dirty room, I find small courage. I dey shake, but I gree resist. My anger pass my fear.

And our first time for bed…

No romance, just punishment. The bed dey squeak, the room dey smell old sweat.

For one dirty motel, Femi just dey sit like king.

E cross leg, dey look me like say I be property. I dey kneel, beg, but e no send.

I kneel down, tears dey rush my face, dey beg am.

My voice dey hoarse. I dey shake, dey plead. E dey look me with cold eye, no single pity.

"If you want make I leave Segun, no wahala—sleep with me or die."

Wicked condition, e no give me room to breathe. My world just dey close up.

E drag my hair, thin lips just dey drop wicked condition.

E pull my head up, force me look am. I dey shiver, but pride still dey for my bone.

That year, I no know say Segun get money. I think say e suffer like me.

I dey fight for love wey no belong to me. I dey use my own pain cover Segun shame.

To protect am—and my small pride—I run go window.

I prefer die than give in. I dey think say if I jump, my wahala go end.

I choose death, but Femi no gree.

E too fast, e catch me before I fit reach window. My cry no move am.

Last minute, e grab me, force me, leave me with useless life.

After, I just dey there like cloth for ground. I dey empty, my soul lost.

Price be say—I turn him plaything.

From that day, I know say my own don spoil. No freedom, just chain.

Anytime e vex, na me e go use.

No matter the day, if e dey angry, na my body go pay.

I no sabi anything, fear just dey hold me.

Every sound, every step, my body go tense. I dey pray for small peace.

When Femi kiss me, I fight back.

I dey struggle, but e dey strong. This time, I swear, I no gree.

I carry beer bottle from table, break am for him head.

The sound loud, glass scatter everywhere. Femi dey surprise, but pain no let am shout.

Blood dey pour, e still dey smile like winch—na that kind fear person dey fear for night.

Glass cut him eyebrow, add danger to him fine face.

Na that scar e dey carry till today. Every time I see am, I remember my own small rebellion.

"You make me bleed—you go bleed small too…"

E talk am with pride, like say na badge. My heart dey break, but I no show am.

As e finish talk, pain tear my body.

I dey scream, but Femi no care. The room dark, only pain dey shine.

For bed, blood stain just spread like hibiscus.

Red for white sheet, everywhere dey scatter. My soul dey cry.

Femi look am, smile, then throw money for me.

E no send, e just drop money like say I be ashawo.

"Buy ointment. And… no forget morning-after pill."

E voice cold, no single care. I dey shiver, dey wrap cloth around myself.

I count am—exactly ₦10,000…

Na that money become my name, my curse. Since that day, I no fit look cash without remembering pain.