Chapter 12: Small Kindnesses

Ryan and I went almost a month without speaking. I didn't want to talk, afraid things would end up like they did with the study committee member.

I kept my head down. He did, too. Some days I wondered if he even had a voice.

But that day, at noon after class, I noticed him lying on his desk alone, hand pressed hard to his stomach, shoulders trembling slightly.

He was curled into himself, shivering. I hesitated, then stood and walked over.

After hesitating a moment, I walked over and tried to speak. "Does your stomach hurt?"

My voice was soft, almost a whisper. I didn’t want anyone else to hear.

After a while, he gave a muffled, "Mm."

His voice was low, almost embarrassed. He didn’t look up.

The back of Ryan's neck, exposed to the air, was already covered in sweat. Clearly, the pain was terrible.

A bead of sweat ran down to his collar. I could tell he was in real agony.

"Let me help you to the nurse's office."

He looked at me, surprised, but didn’t argue. That was all the answer I needed.

Luckily, he didn't refuse my help.

He leaned on me as we shuffled down the hallway. I half-carried, half-dragged him, my own knee throbbing in sympathy.

The boy, nearly 6'2", leaned most of his weight on me. Thankfully, I'm a sturdy little chubby girl. Otherwise, I never could have supported him.

For once, my body felt like an asset, not a liability. I gritted my teeth and kept going.

The school nurse gave him some medicine and told me to buy a bowl of plain noodles. I quickly agreed.

She pressed a couple of dollar bills into my hand, asking if I could run to the cafeteria. I nodded, already halfway out the door.

I ran to the cafeteria for noodles, then hurried back.

The lunch lady gave me a knowing smile as she handed over the steaming bowl. I rushed back, careful not to spill.

Only Ryan was left in the nurse's office. He leaned in the chair, the only part of his face visible—his eyes—looking at me with a half-smile.

His eyes crinkled at the corners. He looked almost... grateful?

"You dislike me so much, but you're still willing to help me? Pretty kind, desk buddy."

His voice was teasing, but gentle. I blinked in surprise.

I stared blankly. "Huh?"

No one had called me kind in a long time. It felt weird.

"I don't dislike you. I thought you hated me, so I didn't talk to you."

He shrugged, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. I felt my face flush.

He raised his eyebrows. "Why?"

I hesitated, then sighed. No use lying.

I pursed my lips, already numb, and replied as if it were obvious, "Because I'm fat."

The words tasted bitter, but at least they were true.

Ryan chuckled, his voice light and pleasant. His eyes were especially nice, clear as a rippling lake. I always felt he probably wasn't disfigured at all, like everyone said.

He grinned, shaking his head. For the first time in a long while, I found myself smiling back.

"Well, I figured you’re not contagious—unless you count bad vibes."