Chapter 4: Almost Lovers, Almost Lost

Until the start of college. Everything felt new and a little scary.

New school, new environment—everything felt unfamiliar, but my long-stilled heart started to stir again. Maybe this was my chance to start over.

The college I missed out on in my last life was right in front of me now. Who wouldn’t be excited? I wanted to make the most of it.

In college, I focused on my major and worked out regularly. I wanted to be strong, not just smart.

I’d always been frail and relied on others—my parents when I was little, Mason and my friends as I grew up. I wanted to change that.

But that only made me more dependent, unable to really grow up. Not anymore.

Now that Mason wasn’t by my side, it was my chance to become independent. I pushed myself, even when it was hard.

Whenever I had free time, I’d go for a run or play badminton with my roommates. It felt good to move.

After half a year, I was in much better shape. I barely recognized myself.

“Lila, are you coming to the mixer next week?” My roommate Marissa Jacobs asked over lunch. “I hear there are lots of cute guys from Northwestern! You’re so pretty—it’s a shame you’re still single!”

I wasn’t interested, but seeing how excited she was, I couldn’t say no. “Sure, I’ll go.”

“Yay!”

The next Sunday, I put on a dress and went to the mixer with Marissa. I was nervous, but tried to hide it.

It was at a farmhouse-style restaurant. The place was cozy, with strings of lights and mismatched chairs.

The smell of barbecue and laughter filled the air, and looking around, it was all college students. Everyone seemed so carefree.

Right away, I spotted Mason in the crowd. My breath caught.

He was even taller after half a year, his features sharper, looking more mature—almost like the man I remembered from years later. It was surreal.

Marissa leaned in and whispered, “See that handsome guy sitting over there? That’s Mason Carter. I heard lots of girls like him!”

I paused. It was true—he’d always been popular with girls. I tried not to stare.

Just as I thought that, a pretty girl in a short dress sat down next to him. My heart sank.

“Wow, she’s gorgeous! They look great together!”

Marissa kept chattering, but I didn’t hear a word after that. All I could do was watch.

Watching them, I dug my nails into my palm, the sharp pain snapping me out of it. *Get a grip, Lila.*

This time, after we went our separate ways, he didn’t have to look after me. He really could end up with someone else. That thought hurt more than I expected.

I’d imagined this scene a hundred times, but now that it was real, I still couldn’t help feeling sad. Why did it always end like this?

He was the person I’d loved for over twenty years. How do you just stop?

I turned to leave, but before I could, a guy stepped in front of me. Trouble, of course.

He was with a group of guys with dyed hair, all looking like trouble. “Hey, pretty lady, want to get to know each other?”

Marissa snapped out of it and gripped my arm, whispering, “That’s the campus jerk from another major. I heard he goes through girlfriends like outfits. Let’s not talk to him!”

I wasn’t interested. “Sorry, I’ve got something to do. We’re leaving.”

But the guy had no intention of letting us go. He smirked, “You’re here already—why not hang out for a bit?”

He grabbed my wrist, trying to pull me over. I yanked back, but he was stronger.

I couldn’t break free, but the next second, another hand grabbed my arm. Relief flooded me.

A familiar, angry voice sounded in my ear: “Derek, don’t touch my girl!”

Derek raised an eyebrow, glancing at me, his tone playful. “Oh, your girlfriend?”

“Yes!” Mason replied without hesitation.

Derek gave me another look, shrugged, and walked away. Thank God.

After he left, Mason led me to a corner, blocking most people’s view with his tall frame, frowning. “What are you doing here?”

My mind was still stuck on how he’d called me his girlfriend without even blinking. Did he mean it?

So, after half a year apart, now he wanted both a sister and a girlfriend? Trying to have it all? *Make up your mind, Mason.*

I shot him a look, feeling my rose-colored glasses crack. “I’m here to find someone.”

The moment I said it, his brows knitted together, his eyes full of words he didn’t say. He looked ready to explode.

Just then, my attention was caught by someone else. I asked, “Do you know that guy?”

In the corner, a guy in a basketball jersey sat by himself, looking like a cheerful puppy. He seemed harmless enough.

Mason, sitting next to me, followed my gaze and scoffed, “Him? He’s not as tall as me, not as fit as me—what do you see in him?”

I shot back, “So do you want me to look at you?”

Both of us froze. The air felt electric.

He stared at me, shocked I’d say something like that. I couldn’t read his face.

I was stunned too—how did I let that slip? Where did that come from?

As the party picked up, everyone started drinking. The music got louder, the lights dimmed.

I couldn’t really hold my liquor, but seeing Mason sitting beside me looking dazed, I got stubborn and downed my drink in one go. I wanted to forget.

Even though I’d explained that I was just joking, he didn’t seem to buy it. He even told me the girl from earlier wasn’t his girlfriend, that he was just there with friends. Why did he care what I thought?

*Why was he explaining himself to me?*

After one drink, my body started to rebel. My head spun.

When it was time to leave, Mason was the one who took me home. I barely remember the walk.

I vaguely heard a guy’s voice, kind of familiar: “Guys, am I awesome or what? It worked! My move is the best!”

I grinned at him like an idiot. God, I was embarrassing.

He took me to his place, took off my shoes for me, and nagged, “Why’d you drink? Those guys were all up to no good. If I hadn’t been there…”

He took me to his place, changed my shoes for me, and nagged, “Why’d you drink? Those guys were all up to no good. If I hadn’t been there…”

I smiled at him, tipsy. “Exactly. I only dared to drink because you were there.”

No matter how hard I tried to deny my feelings, no one else could ever compare to the boy who made my heart race when I was young. Not even close.

Even in college, guys confessed to me, but I turned them all down. I couldn’t help it.

*Lila, you’re really hopeless.*

The more I thought about it, the angrier I got. I glared at his awkwardly handsome face. Why was I the only one suffering for this, while he flirted without even knowing it? It wasn’t fair.

“Mason.”

I called his name seriously.

He was rolling up his sleeves, about to make me hangover soup. When he heard me, he froze, looking away. “What is it?”

I stepped forward, tiptoed, and kissed him. His lips were soft and warm.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him freeze like an idiot, not even pushing me away. For once, he was speechless.

The next morning, I realized I’d spent the night in the master bedroom. But there was no point worrying about that now. I just felt numb.

I left before he woke up, practically running back to school. My heart was pounding the whole way.

Marissa saw I hadn’t come back all night and teased, “How’d it go with that hottie last night?”

My head hurt. I dove under the covers. “It’s over.”

*Completely over.*

Knowing him, he’d probably have a hard time accepting it. Or maybe he wouldn’t care at all.

*Ugh!*

I buried my head in my pillow, but after a while, I felt calm. Maybe this was for the best.

It was impossible anyway. So what? If anything, I got the better deal. At least I tried.

I even hoped he’d be as confused and upset as I’d been, just to even the score. Petty, I know.

But over the next few days, I couldn’t focus at all. My mind kept drifting back to him.

I kept checking my phone. Like an idiot.

After that night, he didn’t message me once. Not even a like on my posts.

Even though we hadn’t seen each other much in the past six months, he’d always liked my posts and sent me things I needed, making it hard to forget him. Now it was just silence.

But he always managed to pull away so easily. Like it was nothing.

“Hey, isn’t that the hottie?” Marissa nudged me out of my thoughts. I looked up.

Mason was walking with some guys, dressed in sports gear, clearly just back from basketball. He looked good. Too good.

*Wait.*

He went to Northwestern—there are courts everywhere. Why was he playing at our school? Was this a coincidence?

I turned to Marissa. “Does he come here often?”

She glanced at me, puzzled, but nodded. “Yeah, I’ve seen him since the start of the semester. I think he’s good friends with some of the guys here.”

*Since the start of the semester…*

Suddenly, a lot of things made sense. All those little coincidences.

During orientation, someone always brought me water, even sunscreen—both guys and girls. Was that him?

Turns out, even though we hadn’t met, he’d been secretly looking out for me all along. I felt a lump in my throat.

A rush of emotion—gratitude, sadness—hit me. I stood there, feeling guilty. I’d been so cold.

I was the last person who had any right to blame him. Liking him was always just my own wishful thinking. I knew that now.