Chapter 1: The Silence Between Us

Nathaniel Hayes is a good guy—honest, upright, always kind to me.

Sometimes when I think back on our marriage, I remember the little things: the way he’d hold the door for me on rainy nights, or how he’d quietly fix my coffee just the way I liked it. Even if he was running late, he’d still do it. There’s a steadiness to him, something so decent it made me feel safe, even when everything else felt like it was falling apart.

But the truth is, he just can’t do it. I wish it were different. I wish I didn’t have to say it, or even think it, but there it is—staring me in the face every night.

It’s the kind of thing people never mention—not over coffee, not at neighborhood potlucks, not even in passing. But it’s always there, hanging over us, heavy as a storm cloud on a hot summer afternoon.

We’ve been married three years. Three years. And we’ve never consummated our marriage.

Not once. Not even on our wedding night. Sometimes I’d lie awake, listening to the city hum outside our window, wondering if I was the only one who noticed the silence stretching out between us.

So months later, when he brought my cousin into our home, my heart twisted. My hands shook as I left a note asking for a separation, and I walked away.

I remember the feel of the pen in my hand, my fingers trembling as I scrawled the words on a torn piece of stationery. I set it on the hall table, right next to the little ceramic bowl where Nathaniel always tossed his keys. Then I packed a small suitcase, grabbed my coat. Finally, I slipped out into the chilly dusk, heart pounding so loud I thought the neighbors might hear.

Later, my parents started talking about me remarrying.

It was like I’d been cast back in time, to when daughters were just supposed to fall in line and do what was best for the family. My mother was always on the phone, dropping hints at the country club, bustling around like she could fix everything with a few well-placed words. My father just sat on the porch, staring into his coffee like it might tell him what to do next.