Chapter 5: Whiskey, Hospitals, and Her Real Love

I gently pushed her aside, went to the study, opened a bottle of whiskey, and gulped it down.

The whiskey burned all the way down, but it didn’t warm me. I drank straight from the bottle, not caring about the mess. The sharp taste made my eyes water, but at least it drowned out my thoughts for a second.

Staring at the moonlight, I asked myself,

Was this really what I called love?

The question hung in the air, unanswered. The moonlight painted everything in cold blue, and I felt smaller than ever. Tears blurred my vision. I don’t know how much I drank, but I staggered toward the bathroom and collapsed hard to the floor. The tiles were freezing.

The impact rattled my bones, the pain sharp and grounding. I let myself sink into it, hoping it would be enough to knock me out, at least for a while.

Savannah woke up and, realizing I wasn’t beside her, sat up, instantly on edge.

I heard her footsteps, fast and frantic, as she searched the apartment. Her voice was tight with worry, a side of her I hadn’t seen in a while.

"Baby, why didn’t you call me when you woke up?"

As soon as she smelled the alcohol, she jumped out of bed.

Her face twisted in anger and fear. She snatched the bottle from my hand, her movements sharp and impatient.

"Damn it! Derek, you’ve got a cold and you’re still drinking? Are you trying to kill yourself?"

She only ever called me by my full name when she was truly angry. But I didn’t want to respond. I pushed her away, slurring my words.

"Don’t… don’t touch me."

She felt my forehead burning. Her tone softened instantly.

She knelt beside me, her hands gentle as she brushed the hair from my face. "You’re burning up, Derek. Come on, let’s get you help."

"Don’t argue. I’m taking you to the hospital."

My body was weak. My mind, foggy. But when I heard the word ‘hospital,’ I snapped awake.

The thought of more doctors, more questions, made my skin crawl. I tried to sit up, shaking my head.

"No hospital. I just need to lie down. Leave me alone."

She let out a frustrated laugh. Then she quickly tied my hands with a scarf, dragged me to the car, drove to the hospital, got me registered, and had my blood drawn—all in one go.

She moved with the efficiency of someone who’d done this before, not giving me a chance to argue. The scarf around my wrists was soft, but it might as well have been steel.

By the time I realized what was happening, the doctor was already calling my number.

"Derek? Please come in."

"Derek, are you here?"

The PA kept repeating my name.

The sound grated on my nerves, echoing in the sterile hallway. I wanted to disappear. To melt into the linoleum.

Savannah half-coaxed, half-forced me to the door, but I dragged my feet, not wanting to go in.

I dug in my heels, but she was relentless, her grip tight on my arm. People stared, but she didn’t care.

While we were struggling, a familiar voice suddenly called out.

"Savannah, you…"

Hearing the voice, Savannah immediately let go of me and hurried over, anxiously looking him up and down.

She brushed past me like I wasn’t even there, her focus locked on the newcomer. My stomach twisted as I watched her fuss over him.

"Where do you feel sick? Why are you alone? Who told you to dress so lightly?"

Ethan was silent for a long time, then blushed deeply.

He looked down, shuffling his feet, cheeks burning red. He was the picture of bashful youth, and Savannah ate it up. I felt a hot stab of jealousy, and then just emptiness.

"Young guys have too much energy. The doctor told me to, uh, let off some steam. I don’t know if some people…"

He glanced at me meaningfully as he spoke. Savannah smacked him on the head.

Her hand landed with a playful smack, but her eyes were sharp. She shot me a quick look, as if daring me to say something.

"What are you thinking? He’s my employee."

She took off her own coat to cushion his seat, then pulled off my jacket to drape over him.

The gesture stung. My own girlfriend, fussing over another guy while I stood there, shivering in a thin shirt.

"Don’t dress so flashy next time, got it?"

Ethan looked at her with a hint of resentment.

He bit his lip, eyes flickering with something like jealousy. I recognized the look—I'd worn it myself, once.

"I’m just trying to attract some girls. I’m not getting any younger—can’t go through life with zero experience, right?"

"Who told you that nonsense? If you want experience, then… never mind, I’ll take you home."

The whole time, Savannah never glanced back at me.

It was like I’d vanished. Erased from her world. I stood there, feeling small and invisible.

Listening to their banter, I realized just how foolish I’d been.

The realization hit me like a punch to the gut. I’d been nothing more than a placeholder, a convenient distraction while she waited for the real thing. God, I was so blind.

Savannah always wanted me to dress up and look sharp when meeting her friends, even though I hated the way they looked at me. She’d make me wear a blazer, fix my hair, then laugh about how I "cleaned up nice."

She said she wanted others to envy her.

But with the boy she really cared about, she wanted to keep him locked away, jealous if anyone else even glanced at him.

Maybe that’s the difference between love and lust.

I let the thought settle. It felt like a stone in my gut.

I pressed my lips together and went into the exam room. The doctor frowned as he looked at my test results.

His eyes flicked from the chart to my face, concern etched in every line. I braced myself for the lecture.

"You’re unmarried and childless, but you’ve already had a vasectomy. If you regret it, you can still have it reversed, but think carefully."

"Whatever you decide, do it soon."

His words felt final, like a door slamming shut. I nodded, not trusting myself to speak. My throat felt raw.

When I left the room, I nearly fainted, but a passing nurse caught me.

She steadied me with a firm grip, her eyes kind. "Easy there, buddy. Take a breath."

Because my health was so poor, the hospital required someone to accompany me. I thought for a long time and realized I could only call Savannah.

I stared at my phone, thumb hovering over her name. It rang and rang, each unanswered call a fresh cut.

I called her over and over, but she never answered. Eventually, her phone was switched off. I sat in the waiting room, feeling more alone than ever.

After resting for a few hours, I was finally allowed to go home.

The nurse handed me a stack of discharge papers and a bottle of painkillers. "Take it easy, okay? Don’t push yourself."

The pain in my groin was so bad I couldn’t stand up straight, so I shuffled forward slowly. Every step sent a jolt of agony through my leg.