I Refuse to Die for His Regret

I Refuse to Die for His Regret

Author: Bryan Jacobs III

Chapter 6: The Choice That’s Hers Alone

Early the next morning, I checked into a hospital I barely knew.

If the vomiting continued, I'd pass out and be hospitalized, unable to take care of myself.

The birth would bring massive bleeding, nearly costing me my life.

Today's the exam; tomorrow is the procedure.

At six or seven weeks, it's a simple, low-risk procedure.

I went through all the pre-op checks step by step.

Wearing a faded hospital gown, I sat on the bed waiting for lunch.

The patient’s family in the next bed brought out a steaming pot of chicken noodle soup.

I didn't feel awkward.

It wasn't my first time in the hospital alone.

Ryan once left me in the ER for a client. Luckily, the nurse found out I had a ruptured cyst and rushed me into surgery.

When I woke up, I cried from the pain.

Ryan finally arrived, sighing impatiently. "Autumn, the surgery went fine. Stop crying."

But I really thought I was going to die.

I looked out the window. Dusk was falling.

The spring sunset was calm and gentle.

The indigo sky mixed with soft orange-red, spreading across the horizon, and the moon shone bright and clear.

I saw little Ethan take my veined hand in his small, warm palm.

He smiled with dimples. "Look, the moon is as pretty as Autumn."

Then, with his soft little hand, he wiped away my tears, anxiously saying, "Don't cry, don't cry."

"Dad's busy, but I'm not. I can keep you company."

"Mom, I love you."

"Mom, wait for me to grow up."

My vision blurred.

Ethan was so wonderful.

But I didn't want him anymore.

I lowered my head, covering my eyes as I quietly sobbed.

Tears streamed down, soaking my pale hospital gown.

Only when the night breeze blew through the window, drying my tears and tossing my hair, did I lift my head.

In the dark sky, the yellow moon hung low, stabbing at my heart.

I forced myself to steady my breathing, exhaling long and slow.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

Autumn is going to live her own life.

And this time, I meant it.

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