Chapter 4: Street-Smart Marketing

You might ask why I do this. It’s because business these days is tough—especially for locksmiths. Getting customers is always a headache.

Between online reviews, social media groups, and word-of-mouth, folks these days have a million options. Everyone’s skeptical. You gotta stand out somehow, and the old ways don’t cut it anymore.

Our usual tactic is to plaster little ads for unlocking and lock replacement in prominent spots in building elevators or hallways. Most customers need help because they forgot their keys or lost them by accident. But those cases are rare. To make matters worse, there are so many locksmith ads everywhere that even the few customers there are might not find you.

Sometimes I’d go back at midnight and see some kid had stuck their own flyer right on top of mine. Turf war, locksmith-style. The market’s so crowded, you gotta hustle for every call.

So, to drum up business, I have to create my own customers. Sabotaging locks is the simplest and most effective method I know.

I tell myself it’s a victimless crime—no one gets hurt, everyone gets what they want. The bills get paid. Still, I always feel a little twist in my gut when I watch someone fumble with their keys, clueless that I set the trap.

For regular mechanical locks, a toothpick does the trick. For electronic locks, you can use a piece of foil and a magnet, but I won’t get into that now.

Modern problems, modern solutions. The high-tech stuff is a headache, but that’s what keeps me in business. Most folks don’t even realize how vulnerable their fancy smart locks really are.

Of course, you have to be smart about picking your targets. I usually choose every other floor, and only one apartment per floor—if the customers are too close together, they’ll get suspicious. I also remove all other locksmith ads on the target floor, leaving only mine. That way, customers know exactly who to call.

There’s an art to it: be subtle, cover your tracks, and never get greedy. I keep a mental map of the buildings in my head, like a burglar casing a joint, but all I want is their business, not their TV.

Since I started using this method, business has been booming. Late-night calls like tonight’s are common, since there are always some residents who keep odd hours. My phone is always on for customers.

I sleep light, half-dressed, phone on vibrate by my pillow. My neighbors must think I’m some kind of insomniac, always coming and going at weird hours.