I Woke Up a Raccoon—Now It’s Payback / Chapter 6: Raccoon Justice Goes Viral
I Woke Up a Raccoon—Now It’s Payback

I Woke Up a Raccoon—Now It’s Payback

Author: Ethan Ward

Chapter 6: Raccoon Justice Goes Viral

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Panicked, I dropped the cakes and ran, hoping to find the two raccoons and drag them back. I searched everywhere, but instead found Travis and Maddie, who had just arrived at Pine Ridge. They were livestreaming with a crowd, crying and saying they’d search for me day and night, not eating or drinking, until they found me—they couldn’t bear to see me hurt again.

Watching them fake it from a distance, sweat rolling down my forehead, I was speechless. You’re only brave because I can’t talk as a raccoon! And my body’s been hijacked by a raccoon, so I can’t explain! Otherwise, I’d rip off your masks in front of your thousands of viewers—and stick them right on your butts!

So annoying!

I crept closer, planning to give them another beating. But then I noticed Maddie’s purse was sitting unattended on the stone railing behind her. The zipper was half-open, and I saw a red folder inside—looked just like my parents’ deed to the house!

No way! Who carries a property deed around? Guilty conscience, much? Were they afraid I’d escape the hospital just to steal it back? Ugh. Well, since you’re so busy livestreaming, I’ll just… borrow this for now!

While everyone was focused on Travis, I used a leaf for cover, crouched low, darted over, grabbed the bag, and zipped back in under a minute—no one saw a thing.

I climbed a tree, sat on a branch, and rummaged through the bag. Sure enough, Maddie’s phone was inside, unlocked and just lying there.

My wicked (righteous) hand reached for her phone.

I snickered, thinking, "Time for a little digital justice."

---

Travis was still putting on a show for the livestream, crying about how much he loved me, how he couldn’t understand why I’d run away after turning into that, and how he’d rather become like me if he could. Yeah, right. Sitting on the branch, I rested my chin on my hand, staring at him. Well, I sincerely wish you’d turn into a raccoon, too!

Just then, Maddie finally remembered her purse. She turned to grab it, but all she found was the leaf I’d used for cover. Her face went pale. Swallowing hard, she grabbed Travis’s arm, interrupting his dramatic performance.

"What’s wrong?"

"My bag’s gone."

Travis rolled his eyes, moved the mic aside, and shifted the camera. "So it’s gone. Don’t make a fuss. Once the tips come in, I’ll buy you a new one. Don’t bother me with little things now."

"But…" Maddie was anxious. "The property deed and my phone were in there."

Travis’s face darkened instantly.

"Useless! Can’t even watch a bag."

Maddie looked even more miserable.

I figured they were hauling the deed around to stash it somewhere else, but before they could, news broke that I’d escaped the hospital. So they rushed here with the deed and Travis’s livestream gear.

He told Maddie to look harder, then turned back to the camera, explaining the "technical difficulties" to his viewers.

"Okay, enough chit-chat. We’re going to search the mountain. If anyone near Pine Ridge sees my wife, please contact us—we’ll pay a huge reward!"

He bowed to the camera.

But after he finished, the livestream chat blew up:

[Look at the raccoon.]

[That raccoon’s so sneaky.]

[Do raccoons have phones now? So fancy!]

[It’s cracking its neck. Is it about to do raccoon kung fu?]

[Why do I feel like it’s coming for the streamer…]

[...]

Travis was confused.

"What are you talking about? What raccoon? What streamer? I don’t get it."

The chat quickly replied:

[You don’t know about Pine Ridge’s raccoons, streamer?]

[Turn around! It’s coming!]

Travis spun around in panic—just in time to see me, phone in hand, swinging down at him. He froze.

"Surprise~"

With Maddie’s scream, I kicked Travis in the face. As he clutched his face, the mic dropped. I snatched it up and scrambled up a nearby pine.

Travis lost it, screaming curses up at me, livestream or not.

"You damn raccoon! Get down here! I’ll beat you to death! Animal!"

I ignored him, waving the phone and mic triumphantly. Maddie shrieked again: "My phone! No! Quick, get the ranger! Hurry!"

Ha, now you want the ranger? Too late.

---

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