Chapter 4: The Moment I Lost Her

I remember, in the second year after Maddie was born, I got sent on a business trip to another city.

It was supposed to be a quick trip—two weeks, tops. But it stretched into months. I missed home like crazy. I called every night, just to hear their voices. I missed them so much it hurt.

At first, Kara and I kept in touch with video calls all the time. She’d cling to me, call me “babe,” ask when I’d come home, even act cute and say she was lonely and wanted me to make it up to her when I got back.

She’d send me goofy selfies, text me at all hours. We’d talk until one of us fell asleep with the phone still on. It felt like we could survive anything. I believed that.

But after a while, we’d only talk once or twice a week, if that.

The calls got shorter, the silences longer. I’d ask how she was, and she’d just say "fine." I could feel her slipping away, but I didn’t know how to stop it. It scared me.

I tried calling her, but most of the time she’d hang up right away, always saying, “It’s not a good time, I’ll call you later.”

Her voice would be rushed, distracted. I told myself she was just tired, that Maddie was a handful. But deep down, I knew something was off. I just didn’t want to admit it.

But she was a stay-at-home mom—she didn’t even have a job. What could be keeping her so busy all the time?

I ran through the possibilities in my head, over and over. Playdates? Errands? It didn’t add up. I started to wonder if I was the problem. Maybe I was just being paranoid. Maybe I wasn’t enough.

Later, I finished my trip early but didn’t tell Kara. I wanted to surprise her by coming home.

I pictured her face lighting up when I walked through the door. I even bought flowers at the airport—a stupid, romantic gesture. I just wanted things to feel normal again.

Turns out, my surprise shocked her.

She opened the door, eyes wide, mouth hanging open. For a second, she looked terrified. That’s when I knew something was wrong. My heart dropped.

She rushed to block me at the door. “Ethan, why are you home so early?”

She practically shoved me back onto the porch, her smile forced. I tried to laugh it off, but the pit in my stomach grew. Something was off.

I handed her the flowers I’d picked up on the way and smiled. “What, I come home early and you’re not happy?”

I tried to keep it light, but my voice sounded hollow even to me. She took the flowers, barely glancing at them.

“No, it’s not that…”

She looked over her shoulder, nervous. I could see her eyes darting down the hallway. My heart started pounding. My palms went clammy.

Just as I was about to head to the bedroom to rest, Maddie ran out and insisted I take her outside. “Dad, I want ice cream! Take me out to get some!”

She grabbed my hand, pulling me toward the door. Her eyes were wide, pleading. I was tired, but I couldn’t say no. I felt like I was being pushed out of my own home. That ache settled in my gut.

“Dad’s tired. Let me rest a bit and I’ll get it for you later, okay?”

I tried to reason with her, but she just stomped her foot, tears welling up in her eyes.

“No! I want it now! If Dad doesn’t get it for me now, it means Dad doesn’t love me!”

Her words cut deep. I glanced at Kara, but she just shrugged, looking away. I felt like a guest in my own life. The distance between us was a wall.

I had no choice but to take her downstairs.

We walked to the corner store in silence. Maddie clung to my hand, but she wouldn’t look at me. I bought her ice cream, watched her eat it in the parking lot, wondering what the hell was happening to my family. My heart felt heavy, like it was sinking.

But looking back now, maybe Kara and Maddie were acting so weird because someone else was hiding in the house?

The thought makes my skin crawl. All those little moments, all the weird glances—they weren’t nothing. I just didn’t want to see it. I didn’t want to believe it.