Villain Papa: Trapped in My Own Family / Chapter 1: Bullet Comments for Papa Ifedike
Villain Papa: Trapped in My Own Family

Villain Papa: Trapped in My Own Family

Author: Kenneth Campos

Chapter 1: Bullet Comments for Papa Ifedike

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My shirt don soak with sweat, and my phone battery almost die as I dey waka from street to street for this hot Lagos sun. By the time I see her, my feet don swell for my shoe, and my mind dey race like okada for hold-up. That kind wahala, person fit just sit down for gutter begin cry if no be sey man no suppose show weakness for outside.

Just as I dey near the café, bullet comments start to waka across my eye:

[No oo, this na heroine baby and the male lead’s first meeting. Wahala papa, abeg shift! Stop to scatter their love.]

[My fear of men dey rise—when this bad belle papa go disappear sef? Make e no block our sweet, pampered heroine and her strong mama’s comeback!]

[See as villain papa dey waka like area boy—abeg, shift! Our heroine need her happy ending.]

The first time I see these comments, e be like witch dey whisper for my ear. I blink sotay, I think say na malaria dey worry me. Wetin dem mean by all these film trick? Na my own life dem dey narrate as if na one Zeeworld series?

Wetin? Big heroine mama and group-pampered daughter?

No be only them! If dem see the way that woman dey use mouth tear person like pepper soup goat meat, dem for know say all that 'heroine' na wash. Na me dey gather this house like broom wey lose stick—if I slack, everywhere go scatter finish.

Abeg, that one na big joke.

For this my family, na me be the one wey dey patch pot and dey solve problem. Na me dey settle police wahala, dey pay for fuel, dey mend everything wey fit spoil. But for their mind now, na so so heroine and heroine mama dem be? E no go better for whoever dey write this kind script.

A woman wey dey always carry her brother matter for head, demand two million bride price, and a stubborn daughter wey always come last, dey thief money, dey bully her mates for school.

Na true, no be mouth. Just last week, teacher call me say Zikora collect another person meatpie for class. As for Morayo, make I no talk—if her brother cough, she go call me to send money. Wetin remain for person brain with this kind family?

Big heroine and group favourite? Dem really deserve am so?

Sometimes I just dey wonder who dey deceive who for this life. Na me dey chop wahala steady, but na another person go dey form lead role for my own home.

No wahala. If na so e be, I no go dey clean their mess every day again, come die from overwork join.

Omo, I swear, my mind done reach that level wey man dey tire. I go just dey my own, dey save my energy. Everybody do their own, make bullet comments write another episode.

This marriage—I go file for divorce by myself. Make dem be their own heroines. If na so, make everybody dey run their own race. I go dey my lane, dey chop my own kpof-kpof in peace.

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