Chapter 1: Gbege for Palm Grove

I never believed say zombie wahala fit ever reach Naija.

For my mind, all those zombie matter na oyinbo film thing—something wey fit happen for America or maybe for South Africa if wahala too much, but Lagos? Never. The kain stubbornness wey dey this our country, even death dey fear Naija man. But as dem talk, problem no dey send invitation letter.

The first sign wey show say gbege dey come, na when one agent wey dey rent house for me, wey I add for WhatsApp Status, post one new video.

Normally, this agent no dey ever put anything serious, na advert for house or party for street him dey post. But this one get red banner and long caption. I just know say gist dey inside.

Dem don use long police tape block St. Joseph Hospital, wey dey just beside Palm Grove bus stop.

People gather for the other side of road, some dey do video, others just dey talk with mouth open. You go see mama with her market bag, conductor still dey shout for passengers, but everybody eye don stick for hospital gate. Even agbero wey dey collect money don pause. Lagos fit scatter, but when police tape land, everybody go dey fear.

As I open the video, I hear the agent thick Warri accent: “Chei, something dey happen for St. Joseph Hospital o. Police don full ground, people wey wear white overall everywhere.”

The way the man dey talk, e be like say im voice dey shake small. You fit hear keke horn for background, and one woman dey shout, "Jesu! Wetin dey happen?" Omo, e be like film.

I drop comment for him post: “Confirmed case dey?”

I use strong face emoji join am. For Naija, if dem say confirmed case, wahala don start be that. Na so my heart begin dey do gbim gbim.

As I refresh Status, the post don disappear.

My mind just cut. Lagos people sabi delete post when kasala burst, but e too quick. E mean say person don warn am or e don fear.

Sharp sharp, the agent message me.

He send voice note. As I put on my earpiece, another one land immediately.

I dey suspect say the man don dey panic. E no dey ever send me voice note like that before, na only when rent dey expire. My hand dey shake as I dey play am.

“Madam, I wan reply you now now, na so the post just vanish. No be me delete am o.”

E voice come dey high, e dey sound like person wey dey sweat. Lagos sun never even reach full heat.

“I never sure if na confirmed case o, but SWAT police full everywhere, the thing dey fear person. Your rent go soon expire, you go renew?”

Na Lagos be this—zombie or no zombie, landlord must collect rent. I just hiss. Na so hustle dey this town.

I frown. I never really decide if I go renew the rent.

My mind dey toss like eba inside hot water. To stay or comot? I dey drag feet because wahala for house-hunting pass generator noise. Even my body no sure wetin e want again.

The house for Palm Grove Estate make sense, everything wey I need dey around, and e cheap, but people too plenty. Every morning by 8 a.m. for danfo, e dey drain person body and spirit.

Na that kind traffic wey dey make person question im life choice. You go enter bus, sweat full your back, driver go dey shout, "Oshodi! Enter with change o!" All your prayer na make NEPA bring light for night.

But to move? From to find new house, pack my load, pay agent, deposit plus three months rent—wahala too much.

I dey think of all the wahala: agent go chop you, new house go get leak for roof, or dem go tell you "light dey come next week." Person never recover from last moving stress.

As I dey reason am, the agent send another voice note, this one na full 59 seconds. Just to see am, my head begin pain me.

I reason say the man fit dey record for road, sound just dey enter anyhow. My spirit no even dey calm again.

First half na him dey complain say e hard to rent house now, as all the NYSC corpers dey move out, dey beg me to renew quick, say e go give me discount.

You go hear am dey talk, "Madam, this your flat na better one o, people dey find am like gala for traffic. Abeg, renew sharp sharp, I go dash you one month extra." That kain begging wey dey sweet agent, but me no dey move.

But the second half, the thing just turn somehow.

My chest just cold as e begin change voice. Na so e pause, breathe heavy, like say person dey pull im shirt. Wahala dey brew.

No warning, na so I hear muffled scream for the recording.

Na woman scream, sharp and short, like person wey see snake. Then feet dey run for background, somebody shout, "Blood of Jesus!" Omo, my hand just dey shake.

Agent: “Ah ah, wetin be that!” Then e mumble, “Wetin dey happen sef?” Na so static and wahala noise fill everywhere, I no even fit hear anything again, then—one gbim! sound blast my ear.

The gbim na heavy one, like car door jam or gunshot. Person wey no get strong mind fit faint. I jump small, nearly drop phone. My heart wan burst, hand dey shake like person wey NEPA shock.

Even though my earpiece no loud, that last gbim! nearly burst my ear.

I rush commot earpiece, slap my ear, dey look people for bus. Nobody even send me. Everybody dey lost for dem phone.

I remove my earpiece, squeeze pass crowd for danfo, try look window towards the hospital, but the bus don almost reach next stop, I no see anything.

Palm Grove dey pass fast. If you no stand well for window, conductor fit shout, "No block road!" Na only Lagos go fit get zombie and traffic at the same time.

I message the agent: “I still dey reason am.” I no get reply again. One kind fear begin creep enter my body.

You know that kain fear wey dey cold for inside but your armpit still dey sweat? I hold my phone tight. Lagos no dey ever dull, but this one dey different.