Chapter 3: Money, Pride, and Bad Decisions

June 2023. For one car modification shop for Kaduna, one message land for small WhatsApp group: “We dey organize self-driving trip for ‘Great Road.’ Service fee: 1.3 million naira per person. Fuel transport for desert: 370,000 naira per trip (fuel not join). Mid-July, 7 days.”

People for that group na all these big boy motor lovers. The WhatsApp group dey hot that evening, emojis just dey fly. "Omo! Desert waka, who dey?

For adventure matter, this price na giveaway.

You go think say na promo for Christmas. One man even reply, "If na 1.3m, abeg reserve my seat!"

To do real Kudu Banza trip, na at least 4 million naira, plenty process. You gas modify your car well, apply for approval.

One man for group chat just drop voice note: "If you no get 4 million, no try am o. Na grave you dey find."

Plenty people wan see Kudu Banza but no wan stress. So, nine cars, twenty people gather sharp sharp.

All the Kaduna boys with new Venza and Prado just dey flex, dey tell babe say, "I go Kudu Banza next month."

See, the ad talk say na ‘Great Road’ be the destination—na safe route between Maiduguri and Damaturu, the so-called "north route" for Kudu Banza.

Everybody dey reason say na soft work. Nobody reason wetin dey inside real desert.

But for real, dem use the south route.

Na there wahala start. People wey sabi sand, dey whisper for bar, "These ones go soon cry."

One person talk later, “Organizer say this way go help us dodge checkpoint, wahala go reduce.”

The organizer get mouth. E dey boast like local champion for wedding. "Forget checkpoint, my connect dey everywhere."

When dem dey recruit, organizer dey boast:

“Professional guide, professional logistics, satellite phone—everything dey.”

All mouth. If you see the WhatsApp group, na so e full with old photos, as if na last year trip. Some even use filter join.

Dem even post fine Kudu Banza pictures.

One babe wey wan impress her Instagram followers dey ask, "Is this real? So beautiful!" Everybody dey hype.

And true, Kudu Banza fine well. Sandstone hills, lost ruins, salt flat—mystery everywhere. Photographers, geologists, adventure people dey rush go.

But na military zone and nature reserve. If you no get permission, no enter. The place wicked. If you no be expert or prepare well, na death you dey find.

If your head no correct, sand go teach you lesson wey you no go forget. Even hunters dey do juju before crossing.

Still, that advert catch people wey no get outdoor experience.

All na city people. If you ask dem to change tire, dem go call vulcanizer.

So, wetin this 1.3 million naira "adventure package" really get?

Na just fake confidence, no real plan. Some dey expect room service for sand.

First, the "guide":

Guide Danladi—dem say he don enter Kudu Banza seven times, man wey dey waka fast. But we don see how e end.

People dey wonder, "If na seven times, wetin spoil for number eight?"

Team leader—Guide Bala, wey Guide Danladi carry join as backup. Mechanic wey dem call Shehu, plus chef.

Mechanic Shehu na local man, but e never see sand pass Kaduna expressway before. Chef na warri guy, him dey turn jollof to gold.

Make you note the mechanic—him own go matter later.

Him dey rush work, dey form sharp guy. But sand get patience.

Now, vehicle and equipment.

To cross desert, your car suppose get: big desert tyre, raised body, winch, anti-skid board, extra fuel, roof tent, etc. If you no get am, na like say you wan climb Idanre Hill with bathroom slippers.

Even danfo driver know say desert no be joke. If you no get equipment, na prayer go remain.

But for this team, dem even get one Toyota Land Cruiser wey dem no modify at all (from now, na Land Cruiser we go dey call am).

The Land Cruiser shine for town, but sand no dey respect status. Some boys just dey laugh, "Omo, na Lagos tire you bring come here?"

Communication? At least two satellite phones, GPS, emergency beacon. For desert, na communication be your life.

No be WhatsApp and MTN dey work there o! If you no get satellite, na pigeon you go send.

Supplies? Correct team go carry 1.5 times food and water, at least 5 liters of water per person per day. The cars dey chop fuel, so fuel reserve suppose full ground.

Warri chef beg dem, "Abeg, buy extra garri, e go save us." Nobody gree.

But because dem plan time and route bad, this team use almost double the fuel dem plan—na recipe for wahala.

Chef sef dey whisper for night, "Abeg, make una no finish water. E no go funny."

So, this "professional" na just mouth. The whole thing na pure amateur level.

Even mechanic dey fear to touch engine. One tourist talk, "Omo, na Lagos I dey miss."

Why dem get mind try am? Because this "Kudu Banza North Route" don turn to bragging right for some people. If you fit finish am, you go dey boast for ten years. Nobody for past groups don get big accident before.

Na "I too sabi" spirit dey worry dem. Social media dey ginger everybody. If you no post, na like say you no dey try for life.

Dem reason say, e no go be our turn, abi?

Na so Nigerian dey reason—"E never reach my side." Until e reach.

Na that kain overconfidence kill dem. If no be the chain of mistakes wey follow, dem for survive.

As old man talk, "If you dey run, no forget say ground dey hard."