Chapter 4: Sand, Suffering, and Campfire Prayers

July 20, the team gather for Maiduguri.

Na hotel lobby, bag full everywhere. Some dey snap selfie, dey post for status, "Desert loading!" The excitement choke. Some dey do form macho, but na first time dem see sand wey no get road.

Everybody introduce themselves, dey happy say adventure don land. Some don drive Abuja-Kaduna Highway before, so dem no be complete mumu—but that road no be like Kudu Banza at all.

Kaduna boys dey brag, "I don jam police for Birnin Gwari before, nothing dey happen." But desert no send you.

Next day, dem do "equipment check"—just look fuel and water, start motor, finish.

One guy wan check engine, another shout, "Abeg, close bonnet! No wahala dey!" Na so dem rush, forget sense for town.

Real expedition go check every part, plan route and backup, carry many communication tools, arrange emergency contact, prepare for anything…

Nobody arrange backup. Even emergency number dem no save. Chef talk, "God dey."

Dem no do any of that.

People dey pray, but prayer no be plan. Even local hunters dey shake head.

If dem do am, the wahala wey come later for no happen.

If to say dem consult old hand, mechanic go remember to carry spanner.

5:30 a.m., July 22, dem move from Maiduguri.

Morning breeze cold, but excitement dey high. Everybody dey snap convoy picture, dey post for family group chat.

Ten off-road motors line up. Two guide cars: Guide Bala’s Ford Raptor for front, Guide Danladi’s Innoson pickup for back. Seven tourist cars for middle, all na Kaduna people from the modification shop.

Land Cruiser dey for middle, dem wrap am with prayer. "No let sand shame us," owner talk for inside motor.

Before, Kaduna team get nine cars, now na ten. One convoy guide get family problem, cancel. But one car from Ibadan no gree go back. Through Guide Danladi connection, dem join. Guide Danladi say na him friend, so everybody gree.

Ibadan man dey speak small Yoruba, dey crack joke, "Desert na small thing. Give me amala, I go cross—se o ye yin?" Laughter scatter convoy.

Na the unmodified Land Cruiser be that.

Owner dey chop chin-chin as dem enter sand, dey whistle Fuji tune. Confidence full tank.

That same afternoon, as dem enter desert small, wahala start.

As sand dey soft, tyre begin sink. Driver dey shout, "Jesu! See as this place deep!"

As expected, the Land Cruiser wey dem no modify, get stuck sharp sharp. Others come dey tow am, e just dey drag. Before long, right front tyre burst.

Mechanic dey sweat, dey borrow jack. People dey snap picture, dey laugh. "Na so e dey start," chef whisper.

That day, na only bad luck. The Land Cruiser no fit handle desert at all.

Some dey advice, "Abeg, let us turn back." Owner stubborn, say "No retreat."

Nature self dey warn dem.

Bird no dey fly for sky, everywhere dry. Even sand dey blow like e dey vex.

City tyre no fit survive that place; if you dey stuck, fuel go finish fast, tyre burst go slow everybody.

Chef dey pray say make garri last till night. Water dey reduce.

If na real professional, dem for rethink, send Land Cruiser back or cancel the waka.

Nobody wan hear am. "We dey go!" na the chorus.

But everybody, led by Guide Danladi, just wave am off.

Pride dey lead convoy. Old man from Potiskum shake head, "Na so pride dey kill person."

Even though dem no reach where dem plan, morale still dey. Dem camp for there.

People dey try form brave, dey dance small zanku for fire side. One Ibadan boy dey beat talking drum for car body, suya dey pass round. Kilishi dey go round, one girl dey pass zobo bottle, another dey hand out kunu. Somebody dey roast maize on top small fire, the aroma dey mix with smoke.

For campfire, Guide Danladi toast everybody, chef dey fry suya, people dey drink, all complaints just disappear. Dem even do toast, "To sand and survival!" Chef dance azonto, laughter scatter. Then dem join hand, one old man lead, "May sand no swallow us, amen!" Small chant follow, "Amin, amin!"

But to hide problem no be solution.

Some people dey whisper, dey eye Land Cruiser, but nobody wan spoil mood.

Noon July 23, another wahala land.

As sun reach head, sand heat dey bite leg through shoe. People dey curse inside motor.

Guide route plan no correct: sand dunes dey run north-south, but dem dey drive east-west, so na uphill dem dey go.

GPS dey shout, "Recalculating!" Guide Danladi dey pretend say e know road.

Some cars no get extra fuel tank. Land Cruiser just dey stuck.

Every ten minutes, dem dey push, dey dig. Driver hand don blister.

Off-road cars dey chop fuel. For desert, fuel dey finish 50–100% faster.

Even chef dey beg, "Abeg, no on AC again!"

The whole team dey use fuel pass as dem dey drink water.

Ibadan man joke, "Na fuel go finish before garri."

One car shout say fuel don finish, then two Dodge Ram TRX too say their own empty.

Driver dey wave jerrycan, dey curse mechanic. People dey argue for sand.

Nobody tell owners to plan fuel well before trip.

Mechanic dey whistle, dey look away. "I be mechanic, no be prophet," he talk.

But Guide Danladi still dey talk say dem bury fuel for desert, dem fit dig am refill.

Everybody eye am. "Hope na true," chef whisper.

But as dem dig fuel, another wahala show.

Sand don cover jerrycan small. One boy dey dig, another dey sleep under car.

Mechanic no carry special tool. Nobody supervise or check, nobody even confirm which fuel enter which car.

Confusion scatter everywhere. Mechanic dey pour fuel as if na palmwine joint.

After mechanic pour fuel, everybody shock.

Car owner dey sniff, "Which kind smell be this?" Mechanic say, "Na fuel, na fuel."

Three cars wey need 98/95-octane petrol get 92 instead.

Some dey argue, "E go move, abeg on am!"

High-performance car dey use low grade fuel—na like say you dey give Olympic athlete junk food. Dem no go sick, but performance go drop.

One guy grumble, "Omo, my motor dey cough!"

For the car, e mean e go slow, dey chop more fuel, engine fit dey knock, e fit spoil.

Driver dey nurse headache. Mechanic just dey sweat, dey mutter, "Kai, Allah ya taimake ni o!" Mechanic dey whisper, "Make we pray am reach Maiduguri."

Owners test-drive their cars. Lucky for dem, car still dey move, but just manage.

Some dey hail mechanic, some dey curse.

But that buried fuel only help those three cars. Others still dey wait.

Frustration full everybody body. Ibadan man wan call wife, but no network.

Guide Danladi just bring out satellite phone, call for fuel truck.

Chef dey pray, "God, abeg, let truck reach here before vulture."

Remember the ad? Every fuel truck trip na 370,000 naira, owners go still buy fuel join.

Some dey calculate money, dey shake head. "See as adventure dey cost pass house rent."

But for desert, no other way. Everybody just gree wait.

People dey sleep for car, chef dey fry plantain, everybody dey wish say dem dey for home.

That night, everywhere calm, but as we see later, na just fake peace.

Breeze dey blow, but sand still dey enter nose. Small quarrel dey, but nobody wan shout.

Few hours later, everything scatter.

Just like that, sand spirit show face.